ex turned up to see the kids

mrsHall2b

foxtrotoscar wrote: »

He's their dad...personally I could not have walked on by and not stopped.


Would you have?

He may have been their dad but he ASSULTED a three year old.. Get onto social, ask them if they feel you need to get on to the police. This person is a potential danger to your children. And Im not a man hater, my daughter sees her dad whenever he asks for her, but I wouldnt be letting something like this slide if my child had been attacked by a full grown man..

Guest101

The_fog_has_lifted wrote: »

sorry, I mistakenly thought it meant the same.
I didn't apply for it in the end as he backed off after this letter and the visits from the police. I went into early labour and was then in NICU so just left it well alone.
The decree nisi has just come through so I suspect that's why he has been hanging around again.
He told my son he is coming to his birthday- in less than a week??? It just upsets the kids so much as they love him dearly despite how he treated them, they get all confused and angry after they see him unexpectedly like this.
I want contact to happen but it needs to be regular, consistent and properly supervised and this never ends up happening.
i hate seeing my babies upset.

Have you spoken to him?

a lot can happen in a year

Guest101

mrsHall2b wrote: »

He may have been their dad but he ASSULTED a three year old.. Get onto social, ask them if they feel you need to get on to the police. This person is a potential danger to your children. And Im not a man hater, my daughter sees her dad whenever he asks for her, but I wouldnt be letting something like this slide if my child had been attacked by a full grown man..

1: allegedly.
2: Assault can mean very different things to different people. Technically touching anyone is assault. So lets put it into perspective.
3: no acton was taken, and it was a year ago

Perhaps this needs further thougt than jumping to a decision.

Marisco

Guest101 wrote: »

1: allegedly.
2: Assault can mean very different things to different people. Technically touching anyone is assault. So lets put it into perspective.
3: no acton was taken, and it was a year ago

Perhaps this needs further thougt than jumping to a decision.

This ^^^^. What kind of assault? Was it a smack on the hand or bum, or was it a real battering? Some call a tap on the hand an assault.

The_fog_has_lifted

Marisco wrote: »

This ^^^^. What kind of assault? Was it a smack on the hand or bum, or was it a real battering? Some call a tap on the hand an assault.

If I specified the assault it may make it obvious to people that I know who I am on here and I would like to remain anonymous.
I will say though, that it was far more than just a smack, has left more than just an emotional scar and he was charged with 'assault and battery of a minor'.
I would not feel this way if it was just a smack on the bottom..... furthermore when the kids were interviewed by social services they revealed more abuse (physical and neglect).
I have spoken to him over the last year, particularly as our baby was quite poorly at birth, he always says he is going to apply for contact and never does, he has plenty of money and recently bought a new car and move to a very expensive area of the city we live in, yet pays no child support (i know that is separate from contact issues but I just giving some perspective on the situation).
I have however contacted social care in the past to see where I stand and the social worker said that I 'will be in breach of my agreement with social care, if I let him see the children out of a supervised contact centre and they may deem that I am unable to protect my children from potential dangers'.
Maybe its just mothers intuition, but I'm scared he is going to do something silly. I know him and I know how 'unstable' he can become when he doesn't get his way- very narcissistic and nasty.
He is a act first and think second kind of person and that frightens me when it involves my kids.

The_fog_has_lifted

mrsHall2b wrote: »

He may have been their dad but he ASSULTED a three year old.. Get onto social, ask them if they feel you need to get on to the police. This person is a potential danger to your children. And Im not a man hater, my daughter sees her dad whenever he asks for her, but I wouldnt be letting something like this slide if my child had been attacked by a full grown man..

Quite, he would be able to see them whenever he wanted if he hadn't done what he did.
I can't explain why Im unhappy about it I just have a 'feeling' that I cant explain but it feel like a huge 'danger' sign.
Maybe I have a skewed perspective as I am the mother, I don't know.
At the time I nearly lost my job as I had to be investigate too and the kids all had to be interviewed, I got made to complete the freedom program as Social care said he was abusive and I had to learn to recognise domestic abuse, It was awful.

Marisco

The_fog_has_lifted wrote: »

If I specified the assault it may make it obvious to people that I know who I am on here and I would like to remain anonymous.
I will say though, that it was far more than just a smack, has left more than just an emotional scar and he was charged with 'assault and battery of a minor'.
I would not feel this way if it was just a smack on the bottom..... furthermore when the kids were interviewed by social services they revealed more abuse (physical and neglect).
I have spoken to him over the last year, particularly as our baby was quite poorly at birth, he always says he is going to apply for contact and never does, he has plenty of money and recently bought a new car and move to a very expensive area of the city we live in, yet pays no child support (i know that is separate from contact issues but I just giving some perspective on the situation).
I have however contacted social care in the past to see where I stand and the social worker said that I 'will be in breach of my agreement with social care, if I let him see the children out of a supervised contact centre and they may deem that I am unable to protect my children from potential dangers'.
Maybe its just mothers intuition, but I'm scared he is going to do something silly. I know him and I know how 'unstable' he can become when he doesn't get his way- very narcissistic and nasty.
He is a act first and think second kind of person and that frightens me when it involves my kids.

Ok fair enough, in that case then, I'd not let him near the kids, even if it meant I did a disappearing act and moved to the other side of the country. But in the meantime I would certainly get a restraining order against him to the effect that he cannot go within xx miles of you and the kids. And if he does then he'll get arrested!

mrsHall2b

I know exactly where you are coming from and have experience of people like this. If you have the feeling something bad will eventually happen then you are probably 100% right. unfortunately it isn't usually until after that people admit they felt something was going to go wrong.

Guest101

Marisco wrote: »

Ok fair enough, in that case then, I'd not let him near the kids, even if it meant I did a disappearing act and moved to the other side of the country. But in the meantime I would certainly get a restraining order against him to the effect that he cannot go within xx miles of you and the kids. And if he does then he'll get arrested!

A restraining order would be difficult. as he hasnt approached the OP - unless ive missed something.

Marisco

Guest101 wrote: »

A restraining order would be difficult. as he hasnt approached the OP - unless ive missed something.

I'm sure there would be ways around that. She could "exaggerate" and say she feels threatened etc. If my ex had been convicted of battering his child, there is no way I would let him anywhere near the kids, and I'd do and say anything I could to make sure that didn't happen!