ex turned up to see the kids

The_fog_has_lifted

Backstory- Ex and I split up last year after he assaulted our 3 year old son.
He saw the kids via social services in a contact centre for 2 hours per week for 4 weeks in Aug 2014 and was then told he had to make arrangements to see them in a contact centre at his own cost. He began sending me horrible text/ voice-mails and was given words of advice by the police on 2 occasions. He was written to by my solicitor outlining that if he contacted me in this way again she would apply for a power of arrest for harassment.

He didn't apply to see them, I changed my number and social care asked me to sign a working agreement to state that I would not allow him contact with the children outside of the pre-arranged supervised contact. He was written to again by my solicitor to find out when /where he had arranged contact and she never got a reply.
He didn't apply and didn't see them again, but continued telling our old friends that he was tring to arrange contact at the supervision centre. He didnt see them again until he saw them for 2 hours at Christmas 2014 by pre-arrangement and then hasn't seen them since then.
Today- my friend collected my kids to take them to the park with her 2 kids.
My ex- was walking past the park and saw our kids and approached them.
He hung around where they were playing and spent time with them, she was feeling so awkward but he wouldn't go. He followed them to the shop and then insisted on paying for their sweets.
My friend said he would leave and she didn't know what to do.
He left the kids and promised he was going to see them again soon,and said he had been speaking to their teachers at school so he knew what they were up to all the time. (this freaked out my eldest).
Am I being unreasonable to think this is out of order!!
I know he is their dad and they have rights to see him but this was un-arranged, not with appropriate supervision and completely undermines what was set out in his social services agreement.

Guest101

The_fog_has_lifted wrote: »

Backstory- Ex and I split up last year after he assaulted our 3 year old son.
He saw the kids via social services in a contact centre for 2 hours per week for 4 weeks in Aug 2014 and was then told he had to make arrangements to see them in a contact centre at his own cost. He began sending me horrible text/ voice-mails and was given words of advice by the police on 2 occasions. He was written to by my solicitor outlining that if he contacted me in this way again she would apply for a power of arrest for harassment.

He didn't apply to see them, I changed my number and social care asked me to sign a working agreement to state that I would not allow him contact with the children outside of the pre-arranged supervised contact. He was written to again by my solicitor to find out when /where he had arranged contact and she never got a reply.
He didn't apply and didn't see them again, but continued telling our old friends that he was tring to arrange contact at the supervision centre. He didnt see them again until he saw them for 2 hours at Christmas 2014 by pre-arrangement and then hasn't seen them since then.
Today- my friend collected my kids to take them to the park with her 2 kids.
My ex- was walking past the park and saw our kids and approached them.
He hung around where they were playing and spent time with them, she was feeling so awkward but he wouldn't go. He followed them to the shop and then insisted on paying for their sweets.
My friend said he would leave and she didn't know what to do.
He left the kids and promised he was going to see them again soon,and said he had been speaking to their teachers at school so he knew what they were up to all the time. (this freaked out my eldest).
Am I being unreasonable to think this is out of order!!
I know he is their dad and they have rights to see him but this was un-arranged, not with appropriate supervision and completely undermines what was set out in his social services agreement.

There's no such thing as power if arrest for harassment...

Aside from that there was no order preventing contact. So he really did nothing legally wrong.

Morally it's between u both what you do.

The_fog_has_lifted

Guest101 wrote: »

There's no such thing as power if arrest for harassment...

Aside from that there was no order preventing contact. So he really did nothing legally wrong.

Morally it's between u both what you do.

what about the fact it broke the social services agreement??

The_fog_has_lifted

Guest101 wrote: »

There's no such thing as power if arrest for harassment...


Morally it's between u both what you do.

just double checked the solicitors letter and yes it says 'apply for a restraining order with power of arrest attached'.

foxtrotoscar_2

He's their dad...personally I could not have walked on by and not stopped.


Would you have?

Savingdad

Contact social services and tell them what happened, there is not a lot you can do if he is walking through the park and sees his kids but make them aware if the event.
Technically it wasn't an unsupervised visit because he wasn't alone with them but I know that's not what the wording means.
Let him know it wasn't fair to put your friend in that position and tell him if he wants to see them apply for contact.

The_fog_has_lifted

savingdad wrote: »

Contact social services and tell them what happened, there is not a lot you can do if he is walking through the park and sees his kids but make them aware if the event.
Technically it wasn't an unsupervised visit because he wasn't alone with them but I know that's not what the wording means.
Let him know it wasn't fair to put your friend in that position and tell him if he wants to see them apply for contact.

thats great advice thanks will do that.

The_fog_has_lifted

foxtrotoscar wrote: »

He's their dad...personally I could not have walked on by and not stopped.


Would you have?

no, personally I would have struggled too but......
I would have made damn sure I was seeing them properly in the first place.
Just to put into context- The park is set back from the road, my friend said he was in his car and must have spotted the kids, he then made a point of parking the car and coming into the park, had he just driven past the kids would never have known.
This is not the first time this has happened, he was hanging around at the end of our road before but i saw him and went the other way so the kids wouldnt see him.
unfortunately he drinks in the pub in our road, even though he lives the other side of our town. im just hoping this is not setting the precedent for future 'accidental' meetings.

Guest101

The_fog_has_lifted wrote: »

just double checked the solicitors letter and yes it says 'apply for a restraining order with power of arrest attached'.

Which is not the same as power of arrest for harassment.

Did you apply for the order, did it get granted? What does it say?

Guest101

The_fog_has_lifted wrote: »

what about the fact it broke the social services agreement??

Largely irrelevant. It's not an offence. At best social services might have a word.

The_fog_has_lifted

Guest101 wrote: »

Which is not the same as power of arrest for harassment.

Did you apply for the order, did it get granted? What does it say?

sorry, I mistakenly thought it meant the same.
I didn't apply for it in the end as he backed off after this letter and the visits from the police. I went into early labour and was then in NICU so just left it well alone.
The decree nisi has just come through so I suspect that's why he has been hanging around again.
He told my son he is coming to his birthday- in less than a week??? It just upsets the kids so much as they love him dearly despite how he treated them, they get all confused and angry after they see him unexpectedly like this.
I want contact to happen but it needs to be regular, consistent and properly supervised and this never ends up happening.
i hate seeing my babies upset.