Family problems....how do you cope?

missbiggles1

Skintandscared wrote: »

Let me give you some background to this:

They had told my 9 year old (behind my back, without my consent!!) that they were having his birthday meal on that day (his birthday was a few days prior to this), and made out that we all had to be there. If I had not attended, my son would've been devastated. So what should I of done?
Do I tell my son, that his grandparents are selfish pigs?? Or go along with plans, upsetting myself, my OH and basically going along with someone else's plans?

I chose the latter, as my son's feelings are more important to me. Yes, I may look weak to some, and do you know what - I am!
I have told them a firm, emphatic "NO!" so many times, and they literally will not listen to me. They always do the old "We'll take the kids if you don't want to go" chestnut - Yeah, fab, I'll spend NYE on my own, minus my children - lovely!!

It is a really horrible situation of not wanting to hurt anyone, but these people just DO NOT understand mine and my families boundaries....:(

Well, you wouldn't've been spending much of NYE with your children anyway - not if he's only 9 years old!

ETA
Couldn't you have gone for his birthday meal and then gone on somewhere with your husband?

Mojisola

Skintandscared wrote: »

Writing this thread, was obviously a step in finding a firm, but fair, approach to saying no, without causing hurt to any parties involved. I am slowly going down this route, but it might seem a simple situation when you read it, but it is incredibly complex (don't want to go into too much detail, as it may identify who I am).

I don't underestimate the difficulties in changing the relationship - it's not going to be easy and, because you have been going along with things and keeping the peace up to now, you'll have to be prepared for some massive adult tantrums when you stand up for yourself. Controlling people don't take kindly to their power being diminished.

It won't be easy but it will be worth it.

Skintandscared

missbiggles1 we spend NYE with our children, and go home early and spend family night together, and let our eldest stay up to watch Big Ben or until he falls asleep - so, er, yeah we do!

Skintandscared

Mojisola I agree, I am anticipating that and have to definitely man up and put my big girl pants on!lol

Mojisola

Skintandscared wrote: »

Mojisola I agree, I am anticipating that and have to definitely man up and put my big girl pants on!lol

And get your OH on board because 'divide and conquer' will be tried if you start standing up to them.

ValOrient

Sadly, just over a week ago, my husband decided to cut all contact with his daughter and son from his first marriage. This also sadly included being not able to see his grandsons. It wasn't done lightly but culminated in him basically being told to put them before me (his wife of 11 years) and putting him in an awful situation.

The full details would horrify some people so I decided to remove the bulk of the info.

POPPYOSCAR

ValOrient wrote: »

Sadly, just over a week ago, my husband decided to cut all contact with his daughter and son from his first marriage. This also sadly included being not able to see his grandsons. It wasn't done lightly but culminated in him basically being told to put them before me (his wife of 11 years) and putting him in an awful situation.

The full details would horrify some people so I decided to remove the bulk of the info.

I totally understand this.


I know you would not have got to this point overnight.

raq

I haven,t been coping for about a year now with my family and it,s got to the point I cannot afford to get ill anymore. I am actually talking about my parents here aswell. My husband and 3 kids are my main priority. ( I would love to go into detail but it would be a very large message ).

The old saying about " You can,t choose your family".

Thinking of you.

amistupid

Skintandscared wrote: »

Having yet ANOTHER extended Family oriented drama and sick and tired of it - Just wish I could shut off to it and ignore it - Does anyone have any good techniques they employ?

The MIL used to cause big problems but now every time she comes around, I hit with the spade again.

*Robin*

amistupid wrote: »

The MIL used to cause big problems but now every time she comes around, I hit with the spade again.

Don't your colleagues [or ex-colleagues if you're retired] have a problem with this approach? :eek: