Family problems....how do you cope?

Skintandscared

Having yet ANOTHER extended Family oriented drama and sick and tired of it - Just wish I could shut off to it and ignore it - Does anyone have any good techniques they employ?

Does anyone else have a family where one person thinks they are the centre of the universe? So glad I have my kiddies and lovely OH, as I think I'd lose my sanity if I was still stuck at home with those lot!!! :mad:

System

I think a few million miles between families works best. That way you cant get too involved.

DKLS

I did have some relatives who had constant drama in their life, they weren't living unless something was going disastrously wrong. They would lurch from one disaster to another not learning from each experience. In the end I simply cut them out of my life as they weren't worth the effort.

pickledonionspaceraider

If it is ongoing I would cut them out. Just because they are family does not mean you are a doormat and should be expected to put up with their rubbish

mandragora_2

I go for a bike ride.

charliewocka

Just cut them (or minimise) them form your life. My extended family are a nightmare and I have nothing to do with them.


I was having counselling a few years ago and this came up. The counsellor asked if I would choose my family members as friends and I laughed and said a firm 'no'. She asked why would I waste my time and energy on them then - we don't have a choice in the matter of who our family are, so at least take steps to surround ourselves with people we do like.


Haven't felt guilty about it since.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Don't have a family. Problem soon solved.


Ok, it means you're completely on your own. But the odds are that they wouldn't lift a finger to help you anyway, so at least you know there's nobody out there, rather than just feeling like there's nobody who gives a damn about you.

[Deleted User]

I cut my family out too. Lots of caustic comments, back bites etc all when you can least cope with it lol. We are very different, with very different priorities too. I just decided it wasn't a positive thing in my life and I didn't need it. Told both of them firmly that I wouldn't be communicating with them anymore.

I do feel some tinges of regret but more in terms of 'it would have been nice if it had been better' than acceptance of them how they are and thinking I've made a mistake. I haven't.

catkins

I too would say cut them out of your life.


My OH's parents were always pains and his mum seemed to think the whole world revolved around her. After years of rows and not speaking for months at a time, he decided he had had enough and stopped seeing or speaking to them.


He did get back in touch with his mum a few years ago when his dad was ill and then died. We both felt sorry for his mum and tried to help her out but within months she was back to her nasty spiteful self so we no longer have anything to do with her

Skintandscared

At best they are irritating, at worst they are very, very biased and I wish I could do the whole "rise above it" thingy, but I can't.
My pet peeve though is being "obligated" to do things - for example, being FORCED to spend NYE with them! Or every time we have my children's birthday, they try and change it to suit them!

I am slowly putting more and more distance, but I have the double-edged sword of one family member being terminally ill and I have a heart, so don't want to do anything hurtful or deliberately hurtful.

Prior to meeting my OH (was a single parent), they made me feel a bad parent - Why? Because my house was not immaculate. I've tried and tried and tried, but whenever I get a barrage of criticism I distance myself to minimise having to deal with it.

Gah.

Ziggazee

My tip? Ignore it. Yes, that's right, just ignore it. The only person upsetting themselves over this is you.