Is he shy, or a gentleman, or just not interested?

NewShadow

Okay, So I'm confused and need to talk something out... I'm thinking as I type, so this could be a little long.

I was in a LTR for about 10 years and I'm just starting to date again as I'm coming up to 30. I need a reality check as a lot seems to have changed in the last 10 years, and I don't know what I might be missing.

I met a guy online, nice bloke, a little older but within my range, and we have quite a lot in common.

Chatted for a while online (about 2 weeks), then met for coffee, turned into a good 2/3 hours of wandering around town talking. We both (said) we had a great time, and wanted to meet again.

Met up again about a week later. I met him at his work, and he intro'd me to a couple of his colleagues, and then we spent about 6 hours chatting, grabbing food, catching a film. Again I/we had a lot of fun, and he said he'd like to meet again.

I think we're meeting up for lunch in the week, but nothing set in stone yet.

So, all sounds good - what's the problem you ask?

Well, I really can't get a bead on if he's into me or not.

I would assume he is... I mean, we met on a dating site, so I know he's looking for someone/a relationship.

He wants to meet up again, and keeps telling me about people in his family in a 'you'll like my cousin x... if you like to bake you'll love my mothers welsh cakes, I make my dad sound like a real grumpy sod, but I think you'll like him' - that kind of stuff.

I said he's older, about 8 years, but he's really handsome, and the age isn't an issue for me. Only slight quibble for me is that he's only about an inch taller than me and I like to wear heels.

Confusing thing is, he's never touched me - And I don't mean in that way!

I'm in no rush, so wouldn't be impressed if he's making moves so soon, but I mean other than shaking hands when we first met for coffee, he's not touched me at all.

No accidental brushing of arms as we walk, no intrusion into personal space, no sharing arm rests in the cinema, I've not even caught him 'looking' (I'm overly blessed up front, shall we say, so most guys eyes tend to wander at least once).

I can't figure if he's shy (but he's not shy in personality), just takes things much slower than I'm used to, likes me as a friend, but isn't attracted to me, a 'gentleman', or what.

I've tried leaning into his space to say something while the film was on, patting his shoulder in sympathy at a joke, saying he was welcome to use the arm rest.

Dunno, there's a disconnect between what he's saying/doing, and his body language - I'm not in a rush to physicalise things, but I can't work out if there's going to be a spark there.

Happy to have a few more dates, if nothing else I like the blokes company.

Views or musing anyone?

balletshoes

i think you are overanalyzing - go with what you have written on the end of your post - you like his company, so if you want to continue seeing him, and he wants to as well, just carry on doing that, and enjoyng each others company.

Georgiegirl256

He sounds like a gentleman to me, stop over analysing things. If his eyes were to wander, you'd probably be complaining about that too.

Also, If you're going to judge someone by their height only being half an inch taller, well, that seems pretty shallow to me.

dogcat_2

Well, you could always make a move on him, give him a quick peck on the cheek, see his reaction.:)

I think if it was me, I'd have had to maybe hold his hand or something in the cinema...but that's just me...;)

NewShadow

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Also, If you're going to judge someone by their height only being half an inch taller, well, that seems pretty shallow to me.

Hi Georgie, sorry if it sounds shallow - I've only ever dated guys 6 foot+ before - It just feels a bit weird to date someone that's shorter than me when I'm in my boots.

I'm not sure if the fact this makes me a touch uncomfortable (I don't own flats other than stinky running shoes), is making my body language tell him to back off?

NewShadow

dogcat wrote: »

Well, you could always make a move on him, give him a quick peck on the cheek, see his reaction.:)

I think if it was me, I'd have had to maybe hold his hand or something in the cinema...but that's just me...;)

Pff... If i was still 20, I would have done, but if he's really shy I'd hate to make him uncomfortable.

bagpussbear

I think its still very early days, after all you've only spent a few hours together in the space of a couple of dates.

Does he compliment you? or look at you in ways that a friend wouldn't?

I had a similar thing happen a few years ago.

A few years ago I dated a man I'd met online. Was a nice guy, a policeman, and we went out for 6 dates, but he never made any sort of move in any way, or any suggestion he found me attractive. Like you I found myself wondering if he was really into me (or could be). I thought he might be shy, or hadn't dated in a while so on date 6 when he walked me to the train station I took his hand and kissed him on the cheek. He got a bit embarrassed and just said "oh goodness". I was a bit offended to be honest, and despite the train not being due for a good while, I just made my excuses to go down on the platform.

The next day I emailed and said that I was a little sad at his reaction, and that it was probably best that we didn't see any more of each other. He agreed, and didn't seem to offer any explanation not appear too bothered. Truth was he just wasn't into me, and I wish he had not wasted my time on 6 dates.

So my advice is to give it a bit more time, and perhaps flirt a little and see how things progress. But don't waste your time on too many dates, as there are lots of fish in that ocean :-)

Mojisola

NewShadow wrote: »

Confusing thing is, he's never touched me - And I don't mean in that way!

No accidental brushing of arms as we walk, no intrusion into personal space, no sharing arm rests in the cinema

Have you done any of the accidental brushing against him and so on?

[Deleted User]

Hi,

ten years ago if you'd met him in a night club you'd've jumped him the first night.

Go for it.

NewShadow

bagpussbear wrote: »

I think its still very early days, after all you've only spent a few hours together in the space of a couple of dates.

Probably about 12 hours (discounting online/txt chatting) over the last 3 weeks. Normally long enough for me to know if somethings got potential.

Does he compliment you? or look at you in ways that a friend wouldn't?

Thinking about it, he's not said a thing about me physically at all.

We do similar(ish) work, and he's been interested in what I've done in the week. He's laughed at some jokes. Was impressed when I knew the answer to a brain teaser...

I thought he might be shy, or hadn't dated in a while so on date 6 when he walked me to the train station I took his hand and kissed him on the cheek. He got a bit embarrassed and just said "oh goodness".

:rotfl:

So my advice is to give it a bit more time, and perhaps flirt a little and see how things progress. But don't waste your time on too many dates, as there are lots of fish in that ocean :-)

One of the reasons I'm thinking is that theres a different nice bloke... I have a rule of only dating one guy at a time and giving the relationship an honest chance, and i think I might like shy bloke (he's smart, handsome, steady), but as you say - I don't want to waste my chance with blokie number 2.

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you done any of the accidental brushing against him and so on?

Without trying to make him uncomfortable, yes - he's either apologised for the accidental touch, or just not reacted at all - no stiff uncomfortable body language though.

NewShadow

[Deleted User] wrote:

Hi,

ten years ago if you'd met him in a night club you'd've jumped him the first night.

Go for it.

I was a very, very, stupid teen.

But ten years ago if I'd met him in a night club it would have been easy to tell if he was into me or not, None of this talking malarky!