The strange emotions of realising two colleagues are having an affair

PeacefulWaters

Two work colleagues, married to other people, are having an affair. My judgement, it's possible I'm wrong, but unlikely.

I know both quite well, the lady more than the gent.

I post simply to share the emotions I've gone through since realising this.

My overriding instinct is to ignore it. Turn a blind eye. Make no mention of it to those involved, nor fuel the gossip that will flow sooner or later. I'm sticking with this.

But I've gone through emotions I didn't expect.

1) Jealousy. I am genuinely shocked at myself. Jealousy that it's not me having an affair and also jealousy that I'm not involved with the lady concerned.

2) A desire to give her a good talking too about the impact on her kids should it be outed.

3) A desire to spike it by contacting the partners being cheated on or highlighting the long lunch breaks. I can hardly claim a moral high ground if I'm feeling more than a hint of jealousy though!

4) A thought that I should tell Mrs PW about these emotions. I probably won't, but would be interested to know if anybody has done the same!

So while not acting on 1,2,3 I'm interested in your thoughts on 4. And also interested to see if those first few emotions are unusual!

System

..... its none of your business... why get involved?

Alter_ego

They always shoot the messenger, leave it.

PeacefulWaters

Judi wrote: »

..... its none of your business... why get involved?

Alter_ego wrote: »

They always shoot the messenger, leave it.

I think I already said that was my approach.

duchy

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Two work colleagues, married to other people, are having an affair. My judgement, it's possible I'm wrong, but unlikely.

I know both quite well, the lady more than the gent.

I post simply to share the emotions I've gone through since realising this.

My overriding instinct is to ignore it. Turn a blind eye. Make no mention of it to those involved, nor fuel the gossip that will flow sooner or later. I'm sticking with this.

Good idea

But I've gone through emotions I didn't expect.

1) Jealousy. I am genuinely shocked at myself. Jealousy that it's not me having an affair and also jealousy that I'm not involved with the lady concerned.

I'm not sure Mrs PW would be thrilled to hear this

2) A desire to give her a good talking too about the impact on her kids should it be outed.

You aren't her parent - you are someone she works with - and her morals aren't your business

3) A desire to spike it by contacting the partners being cheated on or highlighting the long lunch breaks. I can hardly claim a moral high ground if I'm feeling more than a hint of jealousy though!

Again none of your business and unless you want to make your working enviroment unbearable not a good idea.

4) A thought that I should tell Mrs PW about these emotions. I probably won't, but would be interested to know if anybody has done the same!

Have you had a death wish for long ?

So while not acting on 1,2,3 I'm interested in your thoughts on 4. And also interested to see if those first few emotions are unusual!

They may alert you to the fact your marriage isn't very good at the moment and might encourage you to make more effort -after all you presumably wouldn't want Mrs SW to feel the same as you and have an affair would you ?

fairy_lights

Your first instinct is right, it's absolutely none of your business so stay out of it.
I think it's a good thing that your being honest with yourself about your emotions but slightly alarming that you feel jealous that you're not the one having the affair. A wake up call that you need to focus on your own marriage a bit more, maybe?

Guest101

4: You been married a while? Eye's strayed, but the rest of you hasnt? I wouldnt say anything. She probably has a cheeky look here and there too. Nothing wrong with it. She knows where home is, as do you. (and clearly as these 2 dont)

fivetide

The response to number four and whether you should tell mrs PW will be the same as your answer to this question:


1. Do you want to wake up with your nuts in a jar?


2. Really do you?

j.e.j.

In your shoes, mate, I'd just sit back and get the popcorn. If they are indeed having an affair it'll all go sour quickly enough and they'll have snickering workmates to deal with as well as the fallout at home.

InsideInsurance

The "affair" element to it is nothing to do with you as far as I am concerned. The fact that two colleagues are in a relationship may have an impact on you subject to if the three of you are in the same department/ team, if you'd ever be competing with one of them when the other is the hiring manager etc.

At a former client one of the project managers had been having an affair with a board member for over a decade and everyone knew about it. Certainly the board member was married with kids, cant remember if she was but think so. They werent even careful/ subtle with things, frequently turning up to the office with each others mobile/ laptop, coming/ leaving at the same time, you present to the board something to do with her project and even before you've gotten the lift back down to the floor he's evidently contacted her as she greets you saying "I hear it went really well" etc.

aileth

You say it's possible you're wrong, so you don't have 100% concrete proof?

As above, sit back and wait for the fireworks, although if you valued your manhood and your marriage wouldn't tell your wife about the jealousy.