Oh dear, did I put my foot in it?

DigForVictory

I think it's a lovely gift, but that the recipient is in Hellish circumstances.
That there's a star forever doesn't pull the sting from the fact that the as-it-now-pans-out single chance died.

You tried, for which virtual roses.
She didn't respond as you'd expect - well, grief. The Victorians had codes & protocols & could quite cheerfully assign years to the exclusive job of grieving. Our brave new civilisation, where too much happens at the speed of electrons? Much less understanding & tolerant.

Just keep on loving her. Not all real friends are easy all the time, or even most.

fivetide

Another vote for you've done nothing wrong but neither has she.


As you could tell she wasn't a fan of it. That isn't her fault and perhaps she wasn't expecting to be surprised with it and reminded of the whole thing before lunch? Perhaps she was looking forward to taking her mind off it for a while.


She did at least clarify. She's being vilified for being rude when in reality she was just being honest. I think I would prefer that.


Her emotions won't have been easy to control so the surprise wouldn't have helped I don't think and maybe, she just isn't an astronomer?


I think you will patch it up. I'd apologise if she felt it wasn't really the time or the place or the right gift at that time and I am sure she will apologise right back.


Personally I would have thought it was something rather personal. I'm not totally sure on these things either, I have to say. I think I'd have gone for a donation to the hospital or premature baby charity in the wee ones name or something. To be honest though, a card just letting her know you were thinking of her would have been fine.

FBaby

Do you think she is the type of person for whom giving is more naturally than receiving? Not giving presents per se, but advice, support etc... and if she is good at it, maybe she struggles to appreciate that not everyone is as good at doing so and that her expectations of reciprocity are too high?

Errata

It sounds like a difficult situation, but perhaps she realises the 'name a star' thing is total nonsense and that's why she thought it was cheesy.
I'm afraid you hit a very raw nerve, and if you're a friend you'll accept her feelings about your 'gift' are real and valid.