My husband left me out of the blue

Pollycat

indesisiv wrote: »

I was just trying to point out that whilst it is out of the blue to her, that her other half may have been unhappy for a while and has just been trying to make it work whilst working out what is best for the 2 of them in the long run.

I didn't mean your behaviour specifically.

Just in general, being unhappy but not talking to your partner about it, not trying to fix things but just moving on in your own head and leaving your partner to be hit with a bombshell out of the blue.

indesisiv

Pollycat wrote: »

I didn't mean your behaviour specifically.

Just in general, being unhappy but not talking to your partner about it, not trying to fix things but just moving on in your own head and leaving your partner to be hit with a bombshell out of the blue.

You talk, you explain and get vague assurances of change, nothing does, so eventually you just have to go. Although in my case last time I am not sure that she ever believed when I said how I was feeling or what I was saying. She thought that there wasn't anything wrong despite all the conversations we had!

Pollycat

indesisiv wrote: »

You talk, you explain and get vague assurances of change, nothing does, so eventually you just have to go. Although in my case last time I am not sure that she ever believed when I said how I was feeling or what I was saying. She thought that there wasn't anything wrong despite all the conversations we had!

Although the OP acknowledges in her 2nd post that she 'let it go flat', I do get the impression that there wasn't any 'I'm not happy, we need to rekindle our relationship' type of discussions.

Of course, that may just be that her head is, quite understandably, all over the place given the shock she's had.

gamergame

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please pull through this as you have a 4 year old daughter.

j.e.j.

paperchainjunkie wrote: »

The thing is I don't think there is someone else. There hasn't been time. We both have full time jobs. He works shifts so if he wasn't at work he was with our little girl. I have let it go flat. But after having my little girl and with my stressful job I just didn't have the energy. I did everything around the house too. I control all the finances. We both have very well paid jobs so money is not an issue. We look like we have a charmed life.The amazing thing is he has gone to live with his brother and taken his clothes and that is it. I have packed up the remainder and left it in the garage for him.
He has no idea where our money is held. The only thing in his name is a couple of isas in his name but there is only about 12 grand in them and he couldn't tell you the name of them.
I tried to talk to him today as I had been back to my gp who has been so helpful and he just said its hard for him and he doesn't want to lead me on or get to where we hate each other. I spent this morning lying in bed wanting to die then had a burst of energy , bought swimming things and took my daughter swimming after school. I felt quite positive at bed time but I have just woken up and felt I was dying again. I know I am trying to show him I can be the interesting energetic fun person I once was, and its pathetic. He is never coming back. I have also faced up to the fact I am addicted to codeine. I have stopped taking it yesterday because my daughter needs me full throttle. I am a mess. I am letting us both down. My friends and family are vey supportive but the only hug I want is from my absent husband. I hurt so much. I am sorry for the garbled reply I cannot seem to think logically anymore

Sounds like your middle-class household, both parents in well-paid (high-flying?) jobs, on the outside looking in they look like the perfect family. Yet behind closed doors, so to speak, he is deeply dissatisfied with his life and she is just holding it together, getting through the day and feeding her addiction to painkillers. It's not an uncommon scenario, sadly.

Re the codeine addiction, I couldn't find very much on the web, but I found the following website which I hope will be useful

http://www.rehab-recovery.co.uk/addiction/codeine.html

As for the errant husband, we can only speculate as to whether or not there is someone else involved. I would let the dust settle (on both sides) and then try and talk to him. He's going to need his things, and access to his money sooner or later, not to mention seeing his little girl.

Frogletina

indesisiv wrote: »

Bad phrasing and explanation on my part, however, this thread is really about helping the OP come to terms with her breakup. I was just trying to point out that whilst it is out of the blue to her, that her other half may have been unhappy for a while and has just been trying to make it work whilst working out what is best for the 2 of them in the long run.
And not to jump to the conclusion that seems to come up here a lot that if 2 people split up then it must be because of an affair or a mental breakdown!

When my partner decided he wanted us to split up, he said he'd been thinking about doing so for 6 months.

I'm not sure he was working out what the best thing was for the two of us, although he did say he was worried that I would be alone and how would I cope!

The answer was that I didn't cope very well. It was out of the blue for me too - if there was anyway he wanted me to change then he didn't tell me. He had made his decision and that was that.

There wasn't another woman involved but he'd not been faithful during our time together, and he decided that he wanted the single life again.

frogletina

neatheyc

Really feel for you. My ex finished with me a few months back and I still have good and bad days. I think what makes it harder for you and I is the fact that it was so unexpected. It makes the wound a lot more raw if you know what I mean.

You need to keep yourself busy. It's the only way. Concentrate on your daughter. She will help you through it if you use her company 100%.

Was harder for me as I just have my empty flat or a few blokes I know in the local pub. Which of course, is a dangerous road.