My husband left me out of the blue

paperchainjunkie

I am so raw. My husband, our 4 year old little girl and I had a lovely day on the bank holiday. Then that night he left. I am beyond distraught. He says he hasn't been happy for a while and his mind is made up. He won't talk to me. I am a mess. He is merrily going to work and I have had to ring in sick all week. I've been given dizepam by the dr and I am trying to hold it all together when all I want to do is die. It's like he has thrown in a grenade and then ran off and I am left with the debris. I can't think, I can't eat I feel like I am failing my daughter because she has seen me break down countless times. I am filled with fear and panic. I love my husban beyond measure but I hate him for what he is putting us through. I tried to talk to him to day and he just said I know its a shock for you but I have been unhappy for a while and I am not coming back. Its like he has turned into a stranger overnight. Im lost

itchyextremist

Is he seeing someone else?

Jenny484

I also think there is someone else. I don't know why but there's a pattern of men who have affairs that leave their wives after or during holidays.

You might think there isn't but I am sure someone may come out of the woodworks later on.

The reason why he is going on with his life so easily is because he made up his mind a long time ago and has checked out of the relationship emotionally.

Don't have any good advice really but look after yourself.

ineed

So sorry for what's happened, unfortunately I too think he may have found someone else . Regardless of if he has or not I agree with Jenny484, he's emotionally checked out of your relationship a while ago and has probably been thinking about this for a long time.

I've no advice I'm afraid a Ive no experience of this situation but please don't do anything silly, think of your little girl and remember people do care about you. Have you considered calling the Samaritans? They can really help and are available at awkward hours.

Bean83

First things first, you must look after yourself. You just need to get through the initial shock and then things WILL get better and you won't always feel this way. Can your doctor sign you off work for a week or two until you are feeling stronger? You and your child are the most important thing so look after yourself, and give yourself some time to come to terms with things.

harrys_nan

Bean83 wrote: »

First things first, you must look after yourself. You just need to get through the initial shock and then things WILL get better and you won't always feel this way. Can your doctor sign you off work for a week or two until you are feeling stronger? You and your child are the most important thing so look after yourself, and give yourself some time to come to terms with things.

^^^^ this, You must get yourself off to the doctors. You really have to look after yourself. My first hubby done the same thing, went to get some cigs from the garage and came back 6 weeks later when he and his "friend" had run out of money:rotfl:
Believe me, at the moment you will think your world has come to an end, BUT you will come out the other side and be stronger and happy.I know at the moment it just doesn't feel like it, but it will happen.
Have you any family or friends that will be there for you?

Guest101

itchyextremist wrote: »

Is he seeing someone else?

How sexist is that?!

fivetide

harrys_nan wrote: »

^^^^ this, You must get yourself off to the doctors.

Pretty sure the OP has done that:

I've been given dizepam by the dr

And it matters not why he's left, just that he has. If he has someone else then the OP doesn't need to worry about it.


Do you have family that can help with the wee one for a bit or where you can stay? Bit of company so you know you aren't coping alone OP?



Make sure you sort any finances quick too just in case.

bugslet

Guest101 wrote: »

How sexist is that?!

perhaps itchyextremist knows women whose husbands have left them out of the blue and it's transpired that there was another woman.

Mr Bugs was planning to leave but I found out about the situation. He spent a long time denying it at first and I suspect that he was going to go down the route of I'm leaving, no there's no-one else.

itchyextremist may also have said the same thing had it been a bloke posting about his wife upping and leaving.

OP, I know it feels like the end of the world but it isn't. It takes time to get your head round things. Keep lines of communication open with him. Experience ( not sexism ) would suggest there is another woman, but it might not be the case - he may have had a sort of breakdown and isn't thinking clearly. Your mind will jump to so many theories but until you know the truth, it will only mean your mind working overtime pointlessly.

If it was me, I would find out if there is anyone else or not and I'd also see a solicitor, just a quick half hour to make yourself aware of your rights and his.

Most of all, don't rush into anything - you have time even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

VestanPance

Sounds familiar to what happened with me, other than you also having the kid to take care of. Try and look after yourself. Expect to feel torn up about the situation for a while, that's perfectly normal.

VestanPance

Guest101 wrote: »

How sexist is that?!

How is it sexist? It's not uncommon when a man or woman does this out of the blue that there is someone else involved. I can testify to that, as that's what my ex-wife did.