Dear Diary Love from Rebecca

luckystarr

Hi Rebecca

Just found your post and I will be subscribing.

Me and my OH have just moved in with my MIL as we need to clear debt and save for a house deposit, we have been here since July 2015 so I know exactly how you feel. Plus we have relocated from the Midlands to the North East.

Feel free to message me if you need to let off some steam. Living with the in laws/parents is not always fun . We are lucky though in some ways though lol.

I wish you all the luck in the world on this journey, I look forward to seeing you achieve your goal.

Luckystarr

Rebecca01

Hi Mummy to girls and luckystarr

The freezer, well my ex actually brought two small fridges home from work once. They did take up a bit of needed space but it helped. When we split up , I went away for a few days and when I came back they were gone. I was annoyed but my Mother is great at turning it around on the other person. My Dad said to just forget it to save the peace.

My mother can be controlling but then is kind too and generous. I wouldn't be able to work ( cost effectively) without their help for childcare. So its not all bad. This does make me feel like I have to bite my tongue more than I normally would though.

LS how are you finding the North East? That is where I am from and now live.
I lived in Reading for five years when my daughter was born. It was so expensive. I admire anyone who lives and buys in the south as the housing costs so much more. I would not be saving for a house on my salary in Reading.

luckystarr

Hi Rebecca

I am finding it OK up North. It is a different way of life than what I am used to, Everything up here is a lot more laid back but I am doing alright:)
We wouldn't be able to buy down in the Midlands and we have relocated to be nearer family and get a better work , life balance. It will be tough but worth it in the end.

keep up the good work

lucky xx

Rebecca01

Thanks LuckyStarr yes it is tough but we will get there.

I have spent too much today ahhhh.

Filled up the car £50
Morrisons £25 groceries for the week and hair dye :-||
Drive through -£10 I did not need this not good for the diet either.



I am trying to live on £400 a month. It should easily be done living at my parents. Its still a learning curve. I have approx £150 left until the end of the month.
I need to get better at this budgeting.

Rebecca01

Well not had a good day today.

My mam suffers mental health issues and every so often has panic attacks and a mini breakdown. She had a big one ten years ago , although on meds has never been that bad since.

It always happens when she is due to go away over night. She just cant leave our town. She can't cope with it.
I am worried about her, but she will improve now her weekend away has been cancelled.

I feel guilty and selfish as I was looking forward to a weekend by myself with dd and oh.

I think I need to move out and rent. She has already sniped at me for not choosing the incorrect clothes (in her view)for daughter to wear under her judo out fit. My daughter I am sure I can choose her clothes.

If I rent then I don't have to rent near dd school which are about £700 pcm but could go for a smaller house near current area about £450.

Sad that this slows a mortgage down. Also repayment of debt. Currently:-

Natwest cc £5900
Car 6500 @172 pcm 4 years to go.

But honestly don't think I can cope myself. I need my own space. Renting has its place. Surely.

Self pity at the moment and feel sad. I know theres many worse off than me. So sorry if I offend anyone.

elleandie

Hi Rebecca

Just wanted to post and say you're not alone, MSE is a great tool to lean on for support and to also say that with some focus and mini goals, you will get to the place you want to be.

I'm a single mother with a professional job, who moved in with very generous and helpful parents when I had the baby. Whilst I was desperate for my own space, freedom, company - it did me the world of good to stay put for a year and try to embrace the family time.

During that year, I had help with my daughter and was also able to clear the debt I had and save up a house deposit to buy out first house - which theres absolutely no way I could have done in such a short space of time had I rented immediately.

I now own my own home, am on the way to being debt free and am forever grateful for the financial and emotional support my parents gave to get me to this place much quicker than had I not leaned on them for help.

Make sure you make time for yourself, and you put these weeks and months to good use - there's no point staying there but then wasting money so have debt attacking goals and then savings goals and the most important thing for me was putting a "Deadline" on staying there - so they knew I wasn't there indefinitely and I knew I wasn't!

Keep going and well done, you will get there xx

Rebecca01

Thanks Elleandie.
I have just been here too long I guess. I need to stand on my own feet.

I am miserable all of the time and like you say spending money to get out.
I feel like I have no control over my own child.

I am just don't know what to do for the best.

Lacherlich

Hey. Just think how fast the past 5 months went since you started the diary, - the next will fly by too. And then you'll be a position to buy a place? If you HAVE to get out of your parents, would you rather wait 5 months, buy a place and then at least you know your mortgage payments are going towards the house you own, or move into a rented property where you will struggle to save for a mortgage and debts at the same time. I defo think its a case of biting the bullet as it will be so worth it in the end. The time time will go in the blink of an eye - no matter how frustrated you feel now.

Good luck!

luckystarr

I have had these thoughts many times and told my OH I want to rent as I can't cope with living with the In laws. It is really tough and I know exactly how you feel. We are desperate for our own space but we have to think of the bigger picture.

You can do this ... We can do this together !!
We can motivate each other it will be worth it in the end when we are debt free and owning our own properties

Rebecca01

Thank you Elle, luckystarr and lacherlich , you are so right.I have had chance to calm down and think things through rationally.

So last night Dd and I went to view two properties about ten streets over from my parents. They were smaller than my parents house and well it wasn't the size. I just didn't get a nice feeling.

The first one smelt of damp and had dodgy wall paper (450 pcm) the second smelt of dog (550 pcm) both were two bed houses converted to three with a bathroom added upstairs which lead to three very odd shaped rooms. Dd loved them both but only because they had a hide and seek cupboard in the bedroom lol. Neither had any white goods ,:-(

Anyway this put me off as l would need to make improvements and the thought of paying £600 inc bills for a place thats not perfect has given me a reality check.
Oh thinks I have it better than I think but my sister thinks I should rent as she knows my parents. They are very generous though and I need to remember that when my mam undermines me with my daughter.

However I agree with you all. If I have this opportunity I should take it as it will be better in the long run.

So now I need an action plan. I need 5k deposit and to clear off my credit card £5900.

So I need £10900 :-||

Elle suggested I gave myself a goal and move out then no matter what. So I have given myself until next summer. Earlier if possible.
I am motivated to be very frugal so will post SOA and any advice would be appreciated.

Net pay £1338
Maintenance £300
Tax credit £250 ( drop to 50 ish in April)
Child Benefit £82

Total- £1970

Outgoings
Car £172
Mobile phones £55 ( Myself and Dad as a mini Thank you)
Sky and net £75
Dd savings £10
Life insurance £23.16
Netflix £9
Total £344.16

Left over- £1625.84

Well I see the first thing to go is netflix and maybe I can get a better internet deal.


So how much do I need to live on? This is my down fall.

If I pay off / save £1375 a month. I could be at my goal in 8 months.

This would leave me with £250 for the month. For petrol , bit of food , entertainment etc.
I have read diaries of people living on less. So it must be possible. Its nearly the £10 a day challenge.

Things that could hinder this are

- Christmas
- Dd growth spurt
- takeaways
-Nights out
- Judo fees , grading etc
-Drama school stuff ( ex pays her fees £88 pcm :-000) but they are always needing one costume or another.


Am I being totally unrealistic here? I am very lucky that I live rent free and my parents always include us in the meals. Not that dd eats much.
I also live near work so the only petrol cost is taking oh home who lives 16m away. He fills the tank now and then and buys me wine on a Friday night.

Sorry for the thoughts spill. I am feeling more positive and motivated.