How to catch a thief in the house.

Lunar_Eclipse

Just remembered I often take change from DH's bag for car parking, but he is well aware of this. We have 'family money', so never in a million years would I consider it stealing ... eek!

onlyroz

kingfisherblue wrote: »

I'm tempted to say feed everyone toast and water for tea for a few days - when asked why they're not having a proper meal, tell them that you can't afford it as money is going missing from your purse.

I was going to suggest something similar - serve up beans on toast and loudly say "sorry we won't be having <favourite meal> today but when I got to the shops I found that all the money had gone from my purse".

I'd be wary about resorting to stealth, or making specific accusations, but the thief needs to be made aware that their actions have consequences.

purpleshoes_2

Don't think she'll have her own parenting to blame if no one owns up.

Get a petty cash tin or similar, something with a lock and hide it away if you need to keep notes lying around.

I don't agree with it being family money, you don't just help yourself.

I only keep as much money on me day to day that I can afford to lose which is not a lot.

Don't leave your purse lying around.

Mojisola

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Just remembered I often take change from DH's bag for car parking, but he is well aware of this. We have 'family money', so never in a million years would I consider it stealing ... eek!

And that's fine if that's the system you use.

When every penny is accounted for, you can't be that casual about other people dipping into each other's money. The money isn't 'spare' - it's needed for something important even if it hasn't been spent yet.

BigAunty

merlin68 wrote: »

Its not just £2 its £40 over the last 8 weeks, it was notes that were going missing, but i stopped keeping them in my purse.
They all deny it.

So its plan B then, using a method suggested here to detect the actual thief and then obliging them to pay you back every penny, whether its from their wages, child benefit or DLA, letting them know you won't report them to the Police on this occasion.

If it snowballs, this means that money could start to go missing from other occupants, from visitors to the house, from colleagues and so forth, perhaps a bit of shop lifting and so forth.

My nephew was a persistent thief from an early age (variety of reasons for it). He lifted money, credit cards from purses he couldn't actually spend any money on, mobiles and even sim cards from mobiles.

He stole not just his immediate family but from neighbours, his foster parents, friends and relatives that he visited, the parents of his school friends.

It then escalated to robbing his girlfriend's family, then he graduated onto burglary and was arrested for other thefts, such as from builders merchants. He basically stole from pretty much anyone he came into contact with for years in a row - we are talking dozens of people over a decade plus.

When he visited me (and knowing how light fingered he was), I locked away my valuables and despite being left alone for 1 minute with one of us in the adjacent living room and another just popping to the adjacent loo, he stole a mobile phone from a bedroom.

Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth as he suggested perhaps it was left in a coat pocket or dressing gown, for example. I told him he wasn't going anywhere until it was found (he was due to catch a train back home) though I didn't point the finger at him.

Still he angelically put on a show trying to 'find it' behind cushions and so on. This charade still went on when he missed his first train. After missing the second one, he suddenly 'found' it down the side of the sofa that we'd already searched.

It can get that bare faced - total comfort with stealing and lying to cover it up, probably a thrill from getting away with it.

Errata

enjoyyourshoes wrote: »

Radical I know but


you could leave all your money on show with a note on how much is there


then once it has been removed have a very long adult none heated discussion on the situation.

Best suggestion so far.

j.e.j.

purpleshoes wrote: »

Don't leave your purse lying around.

It's not lying around though, - it's in the family home! I would hate to think that I or another family member couldn't leave their purse in the kitchen or wherever, in case money got nicked from it.

Jagraf

I used to take money from my mums purse, usually 50p for a bag of chips to eat after school, as she would never have let me eat chips before my evening meal.

She eventually just said she knew I was stealing money. I was then left to work out whether I felt bad about it, and I did, so I stopped doing it.

I think words like dishonest, theft etc are too heavy. To them its like pinching the last biscuit or packet of crisps. To you however, its a big problem as you are the one having to budget tightly and they need to know this, and the consequences of you running out of money.

And I thing OHs are the worst. I can't leave coins anywhere they go straight in my husbands pocket. :eek:

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

I was going to suggest something similar - serve up beans on toast and loudly say "sorry we won't be having <favourite meal> today but when I got to the shops I found that all the money had gone from my purse".

I'd be wary about resorting to stealth, or making specific accusations, but the thief needs to be made aware that their actions have consequences.

I absolutely love beans on toast. But otherwise I agree with your suggestion

Lunar_Eclipse

Mojisola wrote: »

And that's fine if that's the system you use.

When every penny is accounted for, you can't be that casual about other people dipping into each other's money. The money isn't 'spare' - it's needed for something important even if it hasn't been spent yet.

I understand that, yet I also think using phrases such as stealing and thief are extreme within families, even when money is incredibly tight.

I also wonder if the children realise how tight money is. It doesn't excuse their (potential) behaviour at all, but I suspect most children wouldn't think every single penny was accounted for and that their mother has a record of how much has been taken over an 8 week period.

(Also, whether families use this system or not, formally or informally, it's how families are accessed for benefits and when separating etc, so it is relevant to some degree.)