Divorcing the debt and the fella.

NotNormal

Bobarella wrote: »

I'm so glad you went to your friends place. It's never nice to be alone when you feel so bad.

I'm feeling much more positive now. I ranted and was cheered up and they'll support me while I get this sorted. It's not ideal but I'll try to remain positive, I survived on less before.

The troublesome twosome found the paint last night and I came home to foot prints everywhere! All across the sofa and on the next, window sill, floor and table to name just a few. As well as all over the bin. She tried to claim innocence but the paint was still on her paws. So 10pm+ last night I was bathing a cat and putting the heating on to help her dry out, then running round with a damp cloth. Thankfully it wasn't gloss or anything.

They let me sleep until 7.40am, obviously feeling guilty. All of the crazy critters have been fed, got fresh water and fresh litter. Tomorrow I will buy some more and empty and clean out all litter trays thoroughly. I've pretty much been on the go all morning. Now one cat is relaxing and the other is playing with the rabbit so I'm finally sitting down for a few minutes to do some things on the laptop, spreadsheets and stuff to work on.

Today is a no spend day, tomorrow I'm hoping to keep spends low as I only need a few things. The heating is off, the sun is shining and I'm plenty warm for the moment so that's saving me some money. I'm working on some new spreadsheets for my finances, today is about organising things.

I'm not feeling great this morning if I'm honest, I'm hungry but really don't feel like eating. It's horrible when I feel like this. I'll try and make myself something I can pick at or eat cold. I also want to get a workout in later if I can. Even if it's just a few minutes. My friend got some dance thing for my wii and I've got wii fit so going to hop on those if we can. I'll weigh myself while on the wii fit, dreading that!

Bobarella

Oh no that must have been such a mess with the cat paw prints! Do try to eat something. You need your energy.

NotNormal

Bobarella wrote: »

Oh no that must have been such a mess with the cat paw prints! Do try to eat something. You need your energy.

It was quite a mess, still is because I keep finding more foot prints! I guess that's what happens when you clean late at night. I had toasties and spent some time with my friend who needed to go to ASDA for a few bits so I got the bits I needed today instead of tomorrow.

Not a bad spend day actually. Mostly reductions and all things I needed though I did buy more of certain things because of reductions.

£16.61 in ASDA. Two boxes of laundry pods for £5 instead of £12. Some cereal bars for 95p instead of £1.99, ideal for days when I don't have much of an appetite but need to eat to take my medication. Kitchen roll should have been £1.50 each but was reduced to 60p so I got three packs for only a little over that which will last me a while. And a big bottle of dettol spray that's normally £3 for only £1.70 and as I've only got a dribble left at home I thought I may as well grab one while it was cheap. They last me quite a while also and as I've got so many footprints to clean up it seemed like a good idea haha.

The only items I paid full price for was litter (£1.24) and litter freshener (80p) instead of the £4 bags with it already in. £2.50 for envelopes and ringbinder sleeves for paperwork, appeal etc. 50p for a new litter scoop as the one that came with the tray I've got is very small. And another bottle of fabric softener (£2) as that worked out better value than the 85p one I was going to buy. And two carrier bags because I forgot to take any, oops!

That should keep me going for a while, hopefully no more spends between now and when I get paid again. Or at least only little ones. Though I did realise earlier when I worked out my finances for next month I forgot an £80 bill which makes things tighter but I will manage somehow.

I did have to laugh while in ASDA, if you'd seen me there was no doubting I was disabled. I walked up to ASDA very slowly but still managed to push myself too much and my hip went. So I was clinging to the trolley and limping (at one point I was basically dragging my leg behind me). It was not fun but at least I exercised. It wasn't the workout I had planned but it will have to do! We have had a homemade curry as a family for dinner and my appetite must have come back because I went back for seconds! Now I'm home and tucked up on the sofa while the cats run riot.

NotNormal

I got a phone call yesterday, I have another ESA assessment today. Fingers crossed that money doesn't get cut because I really really don't have it in me to deal with that. I'll have no money coming in and as much as I would love to work I just don't think I could handle it right now. We have had too many hospital trips and deaths lately and that's really not helping me. I'm sat sorting out paperwork and just hoping for the best as I don't have up to date letters to do with my condition yet. I'm going to print my appeal letter to take with me as I have a lot of information in there on what I'm like day to day. I've been up for an hour already, litter tray and hutch have been emptied and scrubbed and filled with fresh litter. I did that yesterday, took me almost two hours.

Yesterday was a NSD, today won't be as I have to pay for a taxi to take me to my assessment but hopefully they'll reimburse like they did last time. I think I need more pet food too so I'll pick that up on the way back or something.

I'm not feeling great, as usual. Yesterday I managed to eat three meals so I was quite pleased with that. I had one of the breakfast bars in the morning so I could take my medication. I'll do the same today as I really do need to think about taking my medication in a minute. In the morning I have Pain meds, steroids, antibiotics and inhaler. At midday I have antibiotics and inhaler. For bedtime I have anti depressants, steroids, antibiotics, inhaler and meds for my stomach lining. Then obviously use my inhaler when I need it too. I feel like I rattle!

Yesterday I did some walking so that was some exercise, I have no energy today so I'm not sure if I'll get anything like that done. Plus by the time I get home from my assessment I will be so drained that I'm going to end up curled up pretending the world doesn't exist. Wish me luck.

Bobarella

Sending good vibes for your assessment NN. Really hope it went well.

NotNormal

Bobarella wrote: »

Sending good vibes for your assessment NN. Really hope it went well.

Thank you. I'm hoping it went well myself! She said she's calling my doctor and wants me to make an appointment because she's concerned, I had a break down at the weekend and wanted to die so she thinks maybe I need more medication/therapy. She also approved the payment of a taxi so I'm guessing that means she's taking my disabilities seriously? I wasn't able to do the physical part of the exam, I was in too much pain and when we left she waited with us while my friend got a good grip on me because everything had locked up and I couldn't walk without assistance.

Now I've got to worry for two weeks about the outcome of this. We are going to try and get into the doctor this week and then I can get my mandatory reconsideration letter sent off. Really worried that it won't get anywhere though. I also was reminded yesterday that I really need to send off the forms for my bank as it's at my old address and in my maiden name so I want to get that updated. Will that mean they send out a new card?

I've actually prayed for the first time in a while and made a promise that if all my money gets sorted out I'm going to focus on getting myself set up to work. Finish my course and open my business up here again. It's long overdue. But obviously the first few months I'd have to do it free and build a portfolio. I don't feel ready to work right now but I want to get everything put in place and slowly work towards it so I don't have to deal with all this again.

Obviously I'm not feeling great today and I've pretty much shut myself away. I know I need to think about going out today/tomorrow because I need to buy pet food as I've only really got enough for today and tomorrow. Unfortunately that means heading to the supermarket with lots of people which I don't feel up to, but it's got to be done. I can't wait to shut myself away properly. My head actually hurts from the stress and my vision keeps blurring.

NotNormal

I spent yesterday in A&E, I was sent to see the crisis team. The doctor is sending my appeal letter, I've written it and she's verifying it against my medical record. Hopefully they'll read it as it is quite long, but even if all they do is look at the doctors attachment it's hopefully going to help. None of the doctors are happy about me getting zero points.

I'm being sent back to therapy, monitored more closely, medication changes/additions and they're going to try and get me more help and support. A lot of people are worried about me, myself included.

I've been told to try and stop worrying about the money stuff for the moment, we will get it sorted. But getting a letter today about my rent and council tax makes me nervous! Trying to put it to the back of my mind for now.

Realised I had another bag of rabbit food so I didn't have to go to the supermarket. I can get cat food from the corner shop.

Bobarella

I'm very sorry to hear about A&E. I truly hope you get the help you need now.

NotNormal

Bobarella wrote: »

I'm very sorry to hear about A&E. I truly hope you get the help you need now.

Thank you. I've yet to go to therapy, I need to make an appointment but more relatives in hospital so it's been busy. Plus finances have been really hard but I'm trying to stay tough. I've got a long list of housework to do, but right now I've climbed into bed. I've taken all my medications and applied my creams, the joys of multiple issues. Going to watch a movie in bed while my creams soak in and then tackle some of the housework.

I'm still waiting for word about my PIP, trying to put it to the back of my mind for now but it's frustrating because I could do with the money. On the bright side it has shown me just how much money I do waste because although things are tight I am surviving just about on the lower income. I mean obviously it has impacts, being harder to leave the house because I can't afford taxi and can't do buses or not being able to afford as much on the gas and electric so I'm having to climb into bed for warmth more.

Though on the bright side I've had my letter from ESA (which I've sent along to PIP as well) stating my money will remain the same and I'm in the support group again. Hopefully that will show them that I'm not making it all up. I have however had a council tax letter for overdue council tax and court cost which totalled £165.83. I've paid it in full rather than a payment plan so that I don't have to stress about it. That does however leave me with £23 to last me two weeks after bills. Thankfully I don't think there is much I need right this second. I'll need more cat food in a few days but I'm going back to tins for them so that's not too bad.

I've lost some weight! I've put on an old top on and it buttons up fine, it's a little tight when I sit down but doesn't undo so that's great! I haven't even been trying. I think I annoyed my friend a little bit, keep mentioning it. I was just so excited because I've been eating and pottering rather than starving myself and over exercising. I've started meditating before bed again and I'm going to start morning yoga again.

NotNormal

I'm starting to think NSDs are as make believe as a hot summer in England. Every day I plan a NSD and every day there is something that needs buying. Though I've decided no more cat litter! I'm going to use up what I've got and then invest in some sort of litter I can use for the rabbit and the cats. I spend more on my pets than on me these days. I've got plenty of food to last me, I'm anticipating the litter lasting until just before pay day typically but I shall try and make it hang on until pay day. I've not been feeling well today, a lazy day in bed with netflix and my sketch pad. I'm now working on my letter to santa and a household folder.

Finances are so difficult at the minute, if I tighten my belt any further it will be a ankle bracelet! But I'm making do, only eight days left until I get paid and can relax a bit. I'm going to switch my budget spreadsheet up also, so it's two weekly instead of monthly, making it a bit easier to know what money I have spare and what I don't.

I've been trying to meditate and yoga, it's not going brilliant because I just haven't had the strength between the cold weather and whatever bug I've gone and caught. But tomorrow is a new day. No excuses, I'd rather try and fail than not try at all!