Secret Debt

secretdebt

Hello all,

Thought I would introduce myself to you all.

I'm a 29 year old male, and I have just under £50k of debt with nothing to show for it at all. The worst thing, is that my partner doesn't know about it. My mum knows about it, and £12,500 of that figure is money that she has lent me.


So, the remaining £37k of debt is with a variety of banks and credit cards, but I am now on a DMP to get it paid back.

Like many people, I buried my head in the sand until it came to the point where I could no longer do it. I couldn't afford the minimum payments of ~£1,150 on all of my debts on my ~£1,600/month take home pay. I reached out then to Stepchange, who helped me set up a DMP which I have been on for a couple of months now.


If there is one thing I would suggest to people who are in debt but are too scared to talk about it - is to actually talk about it. Lots of people are in it, and it is likely that your situation is familiar to the company that you are in debt with. I was petrified of speaking with Barclays and Barclaycard about my debts, so I ignored the phone calls. I then had no choice to speak to them, and they were wonderful and understanding.


When I get the chance I will provide a bit more of a detailed update about how I got in this situation, where I will be heading, and just any day to day feelings that I have.

It was my choice to get in debt, and I will get myself out of it.


Thanks
Secretdebt

jimmy*c

Hello mate, how about posting a diary on the subforum? Would be easier for others to follow your progress and to track your own. Well done for getting it sorted - Can't imagine what -£50k feels like.

secretdebt

Hey Jimmy. Yea I will be starting a diary soon - it's on the list

It is a bad feeling to be honest. I was in a pretty dark place at the end of 2014 and start of 2015. The paying back isn't the hardest. The "keeping it secret" from my partner is the worst part of it. Was meant to be buying a house this year- but as she is now out of work, she has come to accept that it probably won't be until next year now. So, if I can manage to earn a lot of money, then everything will be "fine". Otherwise, I know that I am just possibly delaying the end of my relationship with her. Sad to say, but she does deserve better.


Thanks

PollyPrissypants

It takes guts to admit that and start to sort it out. You have my utmost respect. If you live with your partner though, is there no way you could tell them? I know you want to get yourself out of debt and indeed, you can stress that in no way do you expect financial help from your partner, but their emotional help could be literally life saving.
As for the DMP, you could be on that for many many years. Given the amount you owe it might be worth at look at an IVA - at least you know that you've only got 6 years on that then you're done.
Whatever you decide I wish you lots of success on your journey.

sourcrates

PollyPrissypants wrote: »

As for the DMP, you could be on that for many many years. Given the amount you owe it might be worth at look at an IVA - at least you know that you've only got 6 years on that then you're done.
Whatever you decide I wish you lots of success on your journey.

I would echo these sentiments, a DMP may be the right choice for some, and it does depend, how much spare cash you are able to throw at your debts, but they can go on for many, many years, and its easy to feel disillusioned about it all.

A more formal solution may indeed be an option for you, there is lots of advice on the interweb, or Stepchange and National Debtline are good sources of information too.

secretdebt

Thanks for your replies.

For the time being at least, I think the DMP is working ok. A few issues at first but I am pretty sure they have been sorted out now. The DMP aspect should be paid off at the end of 2019 - so about 4 1/2 years from now.

Telling my partner - unfortunately I don't have the balls for that. Not yet anyway. Baby steps for me

The worst thing is, is that last year I had the chance to go and work abroad which would have paid everything off and give me a nice little bonus at the end - but she didn't want me to go...so I didn't go.

PollyPrissypants

secretdebt wrote: »

Hey Jimmy. Yea I will be starting a diary soon - it's on the list

It is a bad feeling to be honest. I was in a pretty dark place at the end of 2014 and start of 2015. The paying back isn't the hardest. The "keeping it secret" from my partner is the worst part of it. Was meant to be buying a house this year- but as she is now out of work, she has come to accept that it probably won't be until next year now. So, if I can manage to earn a lot of money, then everything will be "fine". Otherwise, I know that I am just possibly delaying the end of my relationship with her. Sad to say, but she does deserve better.


Thanks

If the minimum payments are too much for you, whether you go for a DMP or an IVA, that will show on your credit report and you sadly won't get approved for a mortgage. That's why I think it's best to tell your partner and get an IVA. You don't know that she'll leave you over this. She'll probably be really concerned for you shouldering all this on your own and just want to help.

PollyPrissypants

Cross posted there! If the DMP will be done by 2019 then that's great

Thrugelmir

secretdebt wrote: »

For the time being at least, I think the DMP is working ok. A few issues at first but I am pretty sure they have been sorted out now. The DMP aspect should be paid off at the end of 2019 - so about 4 1/2 years from now.

Telling my partner - unfortunately I don't have the balls for that. Not yet anyway. Baby steps for me

The end of the DMP won't in itself be the end of your problems in terms of obtaining a mortgage. So grow some balls quickly.

Jon81

Thrugelmir wrote: »

The end of the DMP won't in itself be the end of your problems in terms of obtaining a mortgage. So grow some balls quickly.

As someone who understands what it's like to be in the op's shoes growing balls as you put it was sufficient to start sorting his problems out. Cut the guy some slack

Jon_B_2

What concerns me so much on this site is the sheer number of people in relationships who hide so much financially from each other. A true relationship worth having is one where you can share in the good AND bad times.

OP. You will not have a mortgage for a long time. Tell your partner now.