Sat/Sun 25th/26th April - What small DFW things will you do today?

ziggy2407

FatVonD wrote: »

I've just checked her FB and it doesn't go back pre 2010 now but mine is similar to the one here on the second row that says 'precious' (ie it is script with the swirly bits around it.)

Mine says 'Live your dreams', I think I mentioned on here a couple of days ago that I spend my whole life daydreaming about doing something else and I was bored silly in my job and planning the 'make your own pop video' venture so I planned it to remind me to get off my aris and actually DO it.

I then got made redundant and spent (over a year) around £10,000 on renting a studio/equipment/everything else that running a business entails only for it to flop spectacularly. We got bookings but not enough to be making a profit and certainly not enough to live on so living my dream didn't work out very well for me at all!

https://www.facebook.com/eternaltattoosdorking/photos_stream

Oh wow, love it - the tattoo not the failed business

ziggy2407

FatVonD wrote: »

Oh, Ziggy, you poor thing, how ungrateful of her and how unfair.

I have always had a very fraught relationship with my mum but adored my dad. She made his life hell, spoke to him (well, everybody actually) in a really rude, aggressive manner. She totally denies this now he's dead saying she just shouted because he was deaf but it wasn't the volume it was the hateful tone in her voice and the way it was her default tone for speaking to him. When my dad was alive I have actually visited them, walked in the front door and then straight back out again as she was ranting at me from the minute I got out of my car. On one occasion my ex husband drove off without us even getting out of the car.

My dad died about 18 months ago (with me seeing much less of him than I would have liked because I didn't get on with my mum) and since then I have tried to do the right thing and see her more because, whatever her faults, she is an old lady who has just lost her husband.

On the anniversary of my dad dying I took the day off work to do something with her so she wasn't on her own. She wanted to go shopping and then for afternoon tea. We brought some of the cakes away with us and she dropped them in the car, I told her to leave them where they were but she insisted on picking them up and trying to jiggle them the right way up and I snapped at her and 'leave them, you're making it worse' and she actually said to me... 'you've gone and ruined my day, just like he did'. ( a reference to a day trip they once took where he snapped at her at the end of the day.) I was gobsmacked, I had done what I could because it was the day my dad died and not only was she rude to me but she was horrible about him on the anniversary of his death.

Anyhow, sorry I turned this into being about me I think I'm trying to empathise but I'm not very good at it.

Thank you and I am sorry you have a fraught relationship with your mum - I wonder if it's a generation thing, maybe all these old ladies in their 80's are the same, lol - gosh I hope not:rotfl:

I'm surprised you didn't nod off with the length and the dullness of my post - getting it out has made me feel better if nothing else, I don't want a medal or anything for being a great daughter I'm doing what I feel is right

FatVonD

ziggy2407 wrote: »

I wonder if it's a generation thing, maybe all these old ladies in their 80's are the same

I bloomin' hope so! DH and I joke that we can't wait until we're old so we can drink lots of tea, listen to talk radio in the middle of the night and do and say whatever we want with people excusing us because we're old :rotfl:

xJOJOx_2

Hi ziggy

I would continue supporting your mum exactly as you are. It's good that you do what you can for her but you do need some time for yourself and your family.

It's sad that your mum is feeling lonley and wanting to visit more. It does pull on your heart strings. In similar situations Ive seen that the one who does the most can being accused of not doing enough or being relied on more and more. They know that your there for them and feel more comfortable speaking to that one about needing more company. It's only natural to learn on those closest to you. Also angry/fears come out more to those we're close to.

I would maybe try speaking to your siblings and grandchildren. Tell them that your mum is lonley etc is there anyway they can visit more regularly or help out in a way. Sometimes people do get lost in their own lives they don't always see the situation or just need a wake up call. Just because they've never done it before doesn't mean it has to continue that way. Maybe suggest once a week or fortnight for the one close by. Last Sunday of each month of the one who lives far away. Something like that. Having regular spots and something to look forward to always help.

its hard I know but im sure your mum really does appreciate all you do but was just feeling a little low and was just letting of some steam/feelings.

Try not stress too much x I'm sure a little surprise visit would lighten her moods

foxgloves

Evening , O Frugal Ones,
Have mostly kept the money saving faith today, despite city centre shopping trip.
*Used my birthday month voucher for 2 free cakes, which I received from Debenhams, so only bought 2 coffees.
*Used my £5 off Body Shop 'Love your body' birthday treat to get money off a moisturiser. With loyalty card, I got an extra 10% off too, which reduced the price quite a lot. Assistant told me I have 'good skin for my age' which was nice to hear, but to be fair, she hasn't seen it once the polyfiller comes off.
*Saved a bit of money on hair colour. Noticed that there is now a root touch-up kit to match my hair colour (red) so put it in my basket - £4.79, then realised it only contained 1 application. Put it back & reverted to normal foxgloves method of buying 1 pack of hair dye - between £5 & £6 - then making up just half of it at a time, which does 2 applications for £5.99 instead of £9.58.
*Knew we'd be tempted by lunch out, so took 2 cheese rolls & crisps. I think really pretty ordinary lunches out just drain money away so we often take a picnic.
*Found nice double cotton sheet in charity shop for £2.50. Suits our shabby chic look perfectly!
*Watered veggies & baby plants.
*Scattered some flower seeds around front fence. Free packets, so if they don't come up, I've lost nothing.
*Washed hair using free samples of shampoo & conditioner.
*And this one made me laugh.......Mr f cooked tonight & gave himself such a humungous portion, he couldn't eat it all, & I found him stashing it in a container to take to work for lunch!
That's it for today - more knitting later, all being well.
F

ziggy2407

foxgloves wrote: »

Evening , O Frugal Ones,
Have mostly kept the money saving faith today, despite city centre shopping trip.
*Used my birthday month voucher for 2 free cakes, which I received from Debenhams, so only bought 2 coffees.
*Used my £5 off Body Shop 'Love your body' birthday treat to get money off a moisturiser. With loyalty card, I got an extra 10% off too, which reduced the price quite a lot. Assistant told me I have 'good skin for my age' which was nice to hear, but to be fair, she hasn't seen it once the polyfiller comes off.
*Saved a bit of money on hair colour. Noticed that there is now a root touch-up kit to match my hair colour (red) so put it in my basket - £4.79, then realised it only contained 1 application. Put it back & reverted to normal foxgloves method of buying 1 pack of hair dye - between £5 & £6 - then making up just half of it at a time, which does 2 applications for £5.99 instead of £9.58.
*Knew we'd be tempted by lunch out, so took 2 cheese rolls & crisps. I think really pretty ordinary lunches out just drain money away so we often take a picnic.
*Found nice double cotton sheet in charity shop for £2.50. Suits our shabby chic look perfectly!
*Watered veggies & baby plants.
*Scattered some flower seeds around front fence. Free packets, so if they don't come up, I've lost nothing.
*Washed hair using free samples of shampoo & conditioner.
*And this one made me laugh.......Mr f cooked tonight & gave himself such a humungous portion, he couldn't eat it all, & I found him stashing it in a container to take to work for lunch!
That's it for today - more knitting later, all being well.
F

Sounds like a lovely day and lol at Mr F - eyes bigger than belly as they say in these parts :rotfl:

What's your current knitting project?

Wannabefree_2

Hi Ziggy,

I'm sorry to hear that your mum is wanting you to spend more time with her & seems ungrateful as all that you are dong for her.
I work in care & hear of this alot - 1 sibling becoming the focal point - the one who does everything but it never seems to be enough - i would speak to your siblings & ask if they understand what pressure your under.

Also if your mum is ringing you countless times a day - are these calls for anything specific or is it just to chat - is she forgetting that she's already rang you?

I hope that you can get it sorted out - hugs x

FatVonD

foxgloves wrote: »

Assistant told me I have 'good skin for my age' which was nice to hear, but to be fair, she hasn't seen it once the polyfiller comes off.

Foxy one, I'm sure you're much, much younger than this but I always imagine that you look a bit like the woman that is half of the posh new couple on Gogglebox (not the hoteliers, the ones with the armchair that matches the wallpaper), she looks like she was stunning when she was younger and is still attractive now.

Bob I imagine as a cross between Andie McDowell, Monica from Friends and Alex Polizzi (I watch too much TV :rotfl: )

ziggy2407

Wannabefree wrote: »

Hi Ziggy,

I'm sorry to hear that your mum is wanting you to spend more time with her & seems ungrateful as all that you are dong for her.
I work in care & hear of this alot - 1 sibling becoming the focal point - the one who does everything but it never seems to be enough - i would speak to your siblings & ask if they understand what pressure your under.

Also if your mum is ringing you countless times a day - are these calls for anything specific or is it just to chat - is she forgetting that she's already rang you?

I hope that you can get it sorted out - hugs x

Thank you, I never expected anyone to read my ramblings, I just needed to get it out.

The calls are more often that not to say she's just got up, she just remembered something to tell me, has M gone to school? then later it will be the telling me the same thing again, or have I rung her?, then she'll ring and forget what she's called for but knew she had something to tell me and then later it will be that she has remembered what it is - at times all these calls don't bother me but other days I get so frustrated about it, I've tried talking to my brothers and they just laugh and say "she doesn't ring me so guess I'm lucky"

I just think I have two particularly insensitive brothers and I have no idea why as we were brought up in the same way with the same rules etc

foxgloves

Ziggy- I typed you a long reply about my friend who is in a similar situation with her mother but my tablet froze, then it ate my post........but the upshot of it was that as you know you already do loads for your Mum, there's no need to feel guilty or that you should be doing more. My friend has created a situation where no matter how much she does for her elderly mother, it is never enough, she just wants more & resorts to emotional blackmail when she doesn't get it........so she does get it.......& it isn't enough.....& on it goes!
Make your contact time with your Mum as positive as possible, but be pleasant ly assertive when necessary too, as you do need some independent life. At least if she is in sheltered housing, she's not isolated like someone of her age would be if still living independently. My parents are a similar age (78) but despite some health difficulties (Mum has a rare illness), they do quite well at the moment & it helps that they still have each other.
So don't dwell on it. It may have been a bad day, but even if it wasn't, that doesn't mean that the comments/accusations made were reasonable.
F x