What would you do?

RAS

Hi

Your solicitor does not seem to have suggested to you that as the parent with care (PWC), it is likely that a court would grant you more than 50% of the assets. The normal deal would be 60%.

Unless you have a huge pension, I would suggest that to her as the normal outcome.

Have you made absolutely she that:

you have closed all joint bank accounts.
she does not have access to any accounts in your sole name (change the passwords at the most basic)
she is not running up debt which might adversely affect your credit rating?
You have removed her from the electoral roll at your address?
It may be worth talking to CIFAS about whether you can put a marker on that prevent her opening accounts using your good credit rating?

I really would suggest using any money that you do not have to pay her to organise a residency order with an enforcement clause; other wise she CAN just take the children and then try and keep them until you get a court date to retrieve them. Based on other posters' experiences that can take 8-12 weeks each time.

theend?

I think a credit card has just arrived for her - she still has her post sent her.


I cant open the letter obviously but the return address is for a credit card company.


As she is still part owner of the address at the moment is there anything you can suggest I do so any debts on it do not come to me or would this stop as soon as I have sorted out the house which I hope to be done in the next month or so?


She is no longer on the electoral role and I have removed her from the council tax and am listed as the only adult here.

thorsoak

Have you cancelled joint accounts? Make sure that you have done so!

Is she named on your credit card? Cancel that too. Take her off your address for council tax - that would show on any credit check done on her.

As she is on the mortgage/house deeds, think you need to contact the Land Registry to ensure that no debts are assigned to the property.

As RAS suggested, contact CIFAS - see https://www.cifas.org.uk/pr_faqs - to ascertain what you can do to protect your credit rating.

theend?

We don't have joint accounts so nothing there to do.


I have removed her from council tax already.


Land registry will be done when the mortgage is done with the solicitor.

BitterAndTwisted

If she's a drunk and has no job, how would she be able to make to any child support payments for your two children?

I would negotiate you taking a much larger share of the equity in the family home in lieu of any child support contributions in the future. This is a parent who is unlikely to ever shoulder that responsibility.

At this rate, you might be able to hang onto a huge amount of your equity. Try offering her ten grand in cash together with the divorce papers to beggar off permanently.

Marisco

theend? wrote: »

I think a credit card has just arrived for her - she still has her post sent her.


I cant open the letter obviously but the return address is for a credit card company.


As she is still part owner of the address at the moment is there anything you can suggest I do so any debts on it do not come to me or would this stop as soon as I have sorted out the house which I hope to be done in the next month or so?


She is no longer on the electoral role and I have removed her from the council tax and am listed as the only adult here.

Stop her having her mail come to your address, it should be going to wherever she now lives.

Send the letter back with a brief letter to say she no longer lives at that address, and, if possible, give them her new address. This should stop further mail from that particular company. And if you have to, write to all her debtors explaining the situation and that she is now nothing to do with you.

I had to do this with oh's ex's debt letters, she'd even taken out something on credit in his name, 3 years after he'd left!! I got straight on the phone and gave them her new address, we heard nothing further from them. It is time consuming and a hassle, but well worth it.

Mojisola

theend? wrote: »

I cant open the letter obviously but the return address is for a credit card company.

Yes, you can.

duchy

Taking a totally different stance

If you got an agreement that the house wasn't sold until the youngest child was eighteen - but you get divorced now. I can't see any reason for going for separation first- the marriage is dead.

Advantages - No cash for her now to drink away and possibly in the intervening period she may hit rock bottom and recover. If she doesn't then yes she'll have a large sum to pee away then but a lot can happen between now and then.
Smaller advantage her latest squeeze won't get his hands on any money

Disadvantage Main one I can see is you won't have any option to move away if she continues to be a pain

Just putting forward an alternative -although I can see the appeal of breaking all ties (except supervised access) and moving home too.

My fiance's ex was a lovely person when sober -she was pretty, funny, caring but she was an alcoholic and when she was drunk she was another person entirely. She died of liver failure aged 42. I miss my friend , he misses his partner of fifteen years . It's hard but ultimately you need to protect yourself and your children.

theend?

Agreed to remortage and offered her £5k less than we originally agreed so that I will have a bit aside for all the solicitors bills etc that to be honest I was just going to worry about later.
Also we will split the cost of the remortgage - deed changes etc and are going for divorce and full financial settlement and will split the cost on that also. Have instructed the solicitor to proceed on Friday so its all go.


P.S.
Don't know if this is totally normal with situations like this when you've been with someone for so long but since we made agreement I really want her back! Am I just a glutton for punishment or is this normal?

duchy

Change is scary - and everyone enters marriage believing they will be happy ever after together. Do you want the her she is now back .........or the person she was before alcohol got a grip on her ?