sort me out please.

Mojisola

shah80 wrote: »

Hi,
We are married for more than seven years. Have a lovely two years old boy and are blessed with a nice stable life.

shah80 wrote: »

We don't go out for date nights ever since we have had our child. It's just feels wrong to leave our lovely son to enjoy ourselves.

Presumably you're not going to be locking him in the coal shed alone while you go out together! He can have a great time with a sitter - or be asleep if you have an evening out.

The best gift that parents can give to their children are happy parents!

Your little one will only be with you until he sets off on his own independent life. You and your wife presumably want to spend the rest of your life together - taking time to nurture your 'couple' relationship won't diminish his life!

justme111

shah80 wrote: »

So you notice attractive traits and admire them. But do you feel obsessed about thinking about someone due to their attractiveness? Do you fantasize about

No. How would it work - there are many attractive people with many attractive traits , how could one fantasise about all of them ? If you look at that woman with analytical eyes - is she most attractive out of all women you know ? probably not. You do seem to be attracted to joyfulness and exuberance in her which your brain reads as "good sex" ? If your wife noticed her checking u it means she flirted with you = your interest spiked by hers. Those reasons have not much to do with attractiveness in my opinion and all with getting stale in marriage. I am not sure marriage staleness can be dealt with at all , all these sexy lingerie and restaurants advice is usually useless in my opinion. If one sees his wife as a cooker addition one will see her as a cooker addition in sexy lingerie as well and a restaurant will be a meal with a cooker addition. Some lifestyle change may be helpful to shift thebway you see each other.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Wrong to go and enjoy yourselves without your child?

Don't be silly. Of course you deserve to be happy away from him - and he deserves to learn how to be happy whilst he's away from you. Can you imagine how reassuring it can be for a kid to have a lovely time with other people, knowing that mummy and daddy love each other and want to be with each other?

You're not just parents. You're people. Make time to just be yourselves together, not just mummy and daddy.

We're only directly responsible for our children for a few years. Before you realise it, they're grown up, the house is quiet and you aren't treading on Lego bricks in the dark. You don't want to be staring at one another, wondering what on earth you can do or talk to each other about now there isn't a constant stream of 'Mum! Dad! Why? Can I have..? Where's my...?' to distract you from ever interacting with each other like you used to.

You're not a bad person for realising something is wrong. To have those feelings is telling you there's something not quite right. But don't let yourself do anything now that you'll probably regret forever; try and fix things before they're broken.


I've got on extremely well with other guys through work or socially since I've been with my oh. A couple I could easily see myself dating had I been single. But I'm not. They were interested as well. But I'm not. And that's all there is to it. Even when things were tough due to OH being ill and there being no opportunity to enjoy each others company, because he just couldn't do it. It was boring, constrictive and it did cross my mind whether I generally wanted to bail out for something more fun (as opposed to being with a particular person). As soon as I realised that, fundamentally, it was him that I wanted and I was missing the fun times with HIM, it was simple. And we got through his illness. As you will get through your moments of doubt.



(Not often you get universally nice things said to people on here - which says a lot for you )

pollypenny

The grass is greener on the other side, OP.

It's easy to fancy someone and wonder 'what if........', The truth is that life would probably be just the same.

Count your blessings, smile sweetly and resist any temptation to even flirt.

Definitely get some baby sitting arrangements in place. You never know, your wife is probably feeling the same as you.
.

justme111

She is very likely feeling the same. Women are generally more sensitive to "staleness"

tea_lover

shah80 wrote: »

We don't go out for date nights ever since we have had our child. It's just feels wrong to leave our lovely son to enjoy ourselves.

He will be just as happy with a day/evening with grandparents/aunts & uncles/trusted friends. He's two - give him a cardboard box to play with and he won't even notice you've gone .

pickledonionspaceraider

I really think you need to work on your relationship with your wife.

Go on date nights, start making an effort again as things are going stale. Don't think your wife hasn't noticed this

Your son, whilst you love him, he will move out and leave you two alone at some point in the future - how will it be then?

This other woman might seem ''a bit more chirpy than your wife'' in the social visits you see her, but it is easy to be chirpy during social visits - no one is like that all the time. Don't compare your wife negatively to this woman.

You don't need to tell your wife, I think she already knows, and has seen you two checking each other out

shah80

Thank you all for your kind words and making me look at things differently. You are probably right. She won't be that chirpy at the time. I will make arrangement to go out tomorrow evening. My son really adores my mum, so can leave him with her.


I don't think my OH knows about my feelings for her. I would have known it or her attitude towards her would have changed. But I do think she feels the same staleness.

Peter333

shah80 wrote: »

Hi,
I am posting it with a different id since my friends know the other ID I use and please don't judge me on what I ask.

We are married for more than seven years. Have a lovely two years old boy and are blessed with a nice stable life. Me and my wife generally get along qutie well. Both of us are rational, stable individuals and we seldom quarrel or have an argument. If anything I would say that our life is a bit mundane.

Of late, I think I have started to fall for another woman. The lady in question is a friend's wife (that's bad and I know it). She's a bit more chirpy and I think we share a mutual admiration. My wife tells me that she has seen this lady checking me a out a few times and if I be honest I have ogled her a few times as well. But that's about it. I have never spoken to her in isolation neither has she. But for the last year or so I find myself thinking about her a lot and unconsciously I started mentioning her a lot to my wife as well and she noticed it.

I have consciously stopped meeting my friend and try not to visit them or have them at ours. I thought it was only a time bound thing and will go away with time but doesn't seem to be helping. The honest thing is that I don't even know what I want. May be it's just lust. May be I want some spice in life, I have no idea. Can't really share it with my wife as I don't want to plant a seed of suspicion. Thought sharing it here as an anonymous might help.

Has anyone else been in such a situation? Any advice I should follow.

More 'chirpy?'

Maybe this other woman is more 'chirpy' than your wife because she doesn't have a little 2 year boy who is probably running her ragged, whilst (probably) looking after the household and possibly holding down a job as well. Lots of young women with children find it hard to be 'chirpy' when they never get a decent night's sleep, and are frazzled 24/7. This, coupled with the fact her husband has eyes for another woman who is not worn down and weary like her, must be making her feel just GREAT!

I can only echo what other people have said on here: sort this out! Start treating your lovely wife the way she deserves, and don't risk everything you have for a quick jolly with someone else's WIFE.

I also wonder if you are imagining her paying so much attention to you. If a woman smiles at you, it doesn't mean she wants to get you in the sack you know!

Stay away from this friend, stay away from his wife, quit flirting with other women, and start treating your wife like the princess she is. And NO, there is nothing wrong with spending time away from your kids. As much as you love them, if you don't get time away from them and be just a 'couple' some of the time, you relationship will suffer.

Mojisola

Peter333 wrote: »

I also wonder if you are imagining her paying so much attention to you. If a woman smiles at you, it doesn't mean she wants to get you in the sack you know!

But she might. There are women out there just as predatory as some men.