sort me out please.

shah80

Hi,
I am posting it with a different id since my friends know the other ID I use and please don't judge me on what I ask.

We are married for more than seven years. Have a lovely two years old boy and are blessed with a nice stable life. Me and my wife generally get along qutie well. Both of us are rational, stable individuals and we seldom quarrel or have an argument. If anything I would say that our life is a bit mundane.

Of late, I think I have started to fall for another woman. The lady in question is a friend's wife (that's bad and I know it). She's a bit more chirpy and I think we share a mutual admiration. My wife tells me that she has seen this lady checking me a out a few times and if I be honest I have ogled her a few times as well. But that's about it. I have never spoken to her in isolation neither has she. But for the last year or so I find myself thinking about her a lot and unconsciously I started mentioning her a lot to my wife as well and she noticed it.

I have consciously stopped meeting my friend and try not to visit them or have them at ours. I thought it was only a time bound thing and will go away with time but doesn't seem to be helping. The honest thing is that I don't even know what I want. May be it's just lust. May be I want some spice in life, I have no idea. Can't really share it with my wife as I don't want to plant a seed of suspicion. Thought sharing it here as an anonymous might help.

Has anyone else been in such a situation? Any advice I should follow.

j.e.j.

You're doing all the right things in stopping meeting this woman and not going to visit her. You are married. Marriage means till death do us part, not 'till some other more attractive bit of crumpet comes along do us part'

shah80

Thank you j.e.j
Am trying my best. I want to get her out of my head as well. Do you think I am doing right by not telling my wife? I see no reason for making it an issue between us. I know it will remain in her head if I tell her.

j.e.j.

Put the boot on the other foot. If your wife was having amorous thoughts about a friend's husband and he was making eyes at her, would you want her to discuss it with you?

shah80

j.e.j. wrote: »

Put the boot on the other foot. If your wife was having amorous thoughts about a friend's husband and he was making eyes at her, would you want her to discuss it with you?

No certainly not. Thank you. I should keep quiet

Fluff15

Not only should you avoid the woman, but try and add something back into your relationship with your wife. Even if you're short on money and it's something silly like a picnic on a hill watching the sunset. Crushes happen, but be an adult and don't act on it!

tea_lover

Did you see your son asleep this morning? His little sleepy face, his morning hair, his unique smell? Would you really throw away the chance to spend every day with him for the sake of a quick bunk up? Do you want to lose your wife, your child and your best friend? I'm guessing probably not, so don't give this woman another thought.

Add some interest to your relationship. Cook dinner for your wife, plan a weekend away, pinch her bum as you walk past...but focus on what you have, and appreciate how lucky you are to have it.

shah80

thank you tea lover and fluff15.
I do love my son & my wife to bits and know all the consequences. That is why I am trying so hard to get all of this out of my head. Have been trying really hard. Honestly.

One thing, I think, I can work on is to add a bit spontaneity in our life, a bit of x-factor I think.May be that will help

tea_lover

There's nothing wrong (imo) with finding other people attractive. But be careful that a harmless crush doesn't snowball out of control into a life changing disaster.

You love your wife - that's a fantastic starting point. Now put some of that mental energy into thinking of ways to improve your relationship. When was the last time the two of you went out as a couple? Doesn't have to be a huge event, just going for a walk and a drink in a lovely pub garden is great at this time of year. Talk to her - not just about your son and daily life, really talk. Depending on her interests you could ask her about the book she's reading, about a new band she likes, about how her football team's doing.

Alikay

Try not to dwell on it. It's not uncommon to think you fancy someone when you're just getting to know them socially, but usually you go off them in time, when you know them better! Your wife is the one you picked back when you were single and had the chance to date others, so there's something special about her that this friend probably doesn't have. You probably haven't fallen for her, you just find her sparky personality attractive, and if your wife says she's seen her "checking you out", she's probably subtly flirting with you.

Sam_Fallow

shah80 wrote: »

One thing, I think, I can work on is to add a bit spontaneity in our life, a bit of x-factor I think.May be that will help

It could be classed as good family entertainment but I wouldn't say it was a marriage saver.