sort me out please.

Mojisola

shah80 wrote: »

One thing, I think, I can work on is to add a bit spontaneity in our life, a bit of x-factor I think.May be that will help

Is there stuff that you used to do together that you don't do now?

Could you suggest to her that you think together of things you'd like to do?

Don't come over too strong with initiatives alone - she might think you've got a guilty conscience.

giddypenguin

As a parent of a 19 month old I can relate that life can get a bit drab (DH and I have been out once alone this year - for our anniversary) Could you get a baby sitter once a month (or more often) and have some date nights? Take in turns to pick and romance each other?

It quite obvious you love and respect your wife very much - and that these feelings have got you quite worried. I would think this is a symptom of feeling a bit lost, your relationship has probably changed quite a bit in the last 2 years (unrecognisable from when you first got together if you're anything like us!) and that's a huge adjustment - I can see why a little excitement of someone/thing new is alluring.

Sorry for my rambling, but what I'm trying to say is (I think) what you are feeling is completely normal, and you've
a)recognised it
b)are willing to do something to fix it

That's pretty good in my book.

shah80

thank you all for your helpful responses. I feel a lot more relaxed just talking about it.

You are all correct. I chose my wife when I was single and never regretted it to be honest. We do talk a lot but you are right it's mostly about things happening or what to do. I take the point that I should talk about her self. We don't go out for date nights ever since we have had our child. It's just feels wrong to leave our lovely son to enjoy ourselves.

Also got the point to not try too hard to do something out of ordinary. I know she won't be comfortable to see me behaving differently to my usual self.

Actually, when I think about it, the knowledge that she checks me out might be playing up on my mind as well. It was better if I didn't know this.

FBaby

The honest thing is that I don't even know what I want.

I think that's your problem. Deep inside, however much you know it is wrong, you are still questioning whether you might something with this woman, so you still think and fantasize and therefore not getting her out of your head so you can move on.

What you need to do is know what you want and that is NOT HER. Because however much it is fun to fantasize, you do need to believe that things would NOT be better if you started anything with her.

You need to convince yourself that nothing is going to happen with her because you don't want it to happen. Once you accept it, you'll be free to move on and concentrate your thoughts on your wife.

pinkshoes

You do realise marriages need hard work, and become a bit mundane and boring without it??

Sounds like you have been spending too much time oggling and thinking about this other woman rather than injecting the energy into your marriage.

Go on a family bear hunt at the weekend! - take a picnic, pens paper etc...! It'll be FUN!

(ps - the blunt version is "keep your di*k in your pants and then you won't screw your kids life up!")

Errata

Seven year itch, if you scratch it there'll be blood.

shah80

Thank you fbaby & pinkshoes.

As stark as your words sound, they are the truth. Picnic is a great idea.

@pinkshoes. Your sentence seems so stark but true. I do need to be anywhere near her.

Actually, this is very helpful. Just writing about it I am seeing reasons why I can't get her out of my head. She is a very active Facebook user, so she always appear in my time line and keep tagging me in her posts. Should put her in ignore list first thing in the evening.

enthusiasticsaver

Marriage is hard work and when you have been married for a long time it can become a little bit mundane so I don't think it is unusual to daydream of something a bit more exciting every now and again.
That is quite normal and indeed I have done it myself, although it is not a friend's husband but the hunky actor off Poldark Chatting to friends it appears we all do it to a certain extent. It is all harmless so long as you do not act on it and maybe resolve on working harder on your relationship with the people who matter - ie your wife and son.

justme111

7 years you have not had adults only time??!!
And after you wonder why you have some woman in your head ? You build your life whichever way you see fit of course , just wanted to let you know that it looked very unhealthy to me . Your marriage must be very strong if most that happened are random fantasies.
Re liking someone apart from spouse - I believe it is perfectly normal. I can ogle cyclist's calves as they pass the car i am driving . I notice some admirable and attractive traits in both female and male friends . I do not think about sex with them though. Hence I do not feel guilty and it does no impact on my life - its like admiring a piece of art or a landscape

shah80

justme111 wrote: »

7 years you have not had adults only time??!!
And after you wonder why you have some woman in your head ? You build your life whichever way you see fit of course , just wanted to let you know that it looked very unhealthy to me . Your marriage must be very strong if most that happened are random fantasies.
Re liking someone apart from spouse - I believe it is perfectly normal. I can ogle cyclist's calves as they pass the car i am driving . I notice some admirable and attractive traits in both female and male friends . I do not think about sex with them though. Hence I do not feel guilty and it does no impact on my life - its like admiring a piece of art or a landscape

So you notice attractive traits and admire them. But do you feel obsessed about thinking about someone due to their attractiveness? Do you fantasize about them?