'Playing out'

cr1mson

IMHO children shouldn't just go from playing out to not playing out it should be a process. Mine started playing out whilst I sat in front garden before graduating to being allowed to play out unsupervised close to home and then eventually their range being extended. The supervision was for their benefit i.e. for me to assess any risks to them but also to ensure they behaved appropriately.

Even when unsupervised I would sometimes walk past where they were playing to do a check ostensibly doing something else like posting a letter. Another key thing is what my son calls network of spies he claims that he couldn't do anything bad as I would find out about before he even got home! Not sure that is true but not going to disabuse him of that notion.

When my son started secondary the children that seemed to get into trouble were those who had been given all their freedom at once. One minute they were at Primary being walked/driven to school and not allowed to play out the next minute they were at Secondary and were let loose.

Lunar_Eclipse

j.e.j. wrote: »

You just don't seem to get it do you.. the idea of parental guidance.

Still, you're not alone, I'm sure.

I think she does, but I suspect your 'disagreement' comes from two points:

1) You're looking at this from two different angles.
2) I suspect your experiences of children and/or where you live might be vastly different.

I agree to some degree with what you both say, yet I have two teenagers who have played out from a very young age. They're mature and polite and 'liked' by adults who come across them.

We live in a very nice town where I feel they are 'safe' (=as safe as possible, we're not naive.) I like their friends. They/we haven't really seen any antisocial behaviour, so 'getting up to no good' is overspending in Poundland and overstaying their timeslot in the swimming pool, not throwing bricks or swearing at OAPs for example.:)

I really do think the friends they have, what they witness as normal and the values they have make a huge difference to what we expect as adults. I'm still shocked when kids don't put their litter in the bin when out unsupervised, and whilst I know mine wouldn't intentionally do this (they think it's disgusting), it's not a massive nuisance either in the big scheme of things.

I understand why FBaby has replied to your posts in the way that she has, caus I have been wondering just what kids you know/see in real life (not the odd media story) are getting up to.

Edit: I'm aware this maybe comes across all wrong and for clarification, my kids aren't 'hanging around' in large groups, but playing - like playing rounders in a field etc. They are also generally on the quiet side and I know that even the nicest kids can look intimidating in big groups and get loud.

j.e.j.

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I understand why FBaby has replied to your posts in the way that she has, caus I have been wondering just what kids you know/see in real life (not the odd media story) are getting up to.

I don't really understand why she has responded as though someone is shaking a big pointy stick at her personally, tbh.

What have I seen in real life? Same as most people, probably. I've seen junior school age kids out on their own throwing stones at a heavily pregnant woman. I've seen older kids hurling stones and debris at vans on the road. I've seen kids throwing fruit and food around on the top deck of the bus, and spattering anyone within their range of fire. I've seen unsupervised kids going absolutely bananas in the swimming-pool changing rooms and running riot in there.

It's not a new phenomenon, - the kids at my school were just as badly behaved on the bus, I'm sure, in fact I remember once the bus driver had to stop the bus and radio for help because the girls had graffitied all over the upper-deck roof of the bus and were going absolutely mental up there :eek::rotfl:

Most kids are not badly behaved, most of the time. Much like adults, I guess. But there IS a need for supervision, especially of the under-10s.

fairy_lights

j.e.j. wrote: »

I've seen junior school age kids out on their own throwing stones at a heavily pregnant woman. I've seen older kids hurling stones and debris at vans on the road. I've seen kids throwing fruit and food around on the top deck of the bus, and spattering anyone within their range of fire. I've seen unsupervised kids going absolutely bananas in the swimming-pool changing rooms and running riot in there.

I've seen kids running riot in shops, pulling clothes off hangers and chucking them on the floor, swearing at people in the street and running out in to traffic....all whilst under parental supervision!
I don't think children's bad and unsafe behaviour can be totally blamed on them being allowed out unsupervised, if kids are raised well then they won't be such little snottbags when let out alone or supervised.

FBaby

I don't really understand why she has responded as though someone is shaking a big pointy stick at her personally, tbh.

I haven't . Your first post immediately implied that the OP was responsible whilst others were not. My response right after yours was that there was no right or wrong, so a bit more moderated! I was just trying to understand why you seem to have such a negative view of children's behaviour. Reading your latest post, I understand better.

What have I seen in real life? Same as most people, probably. I've seen junior school age kids out on their own throwing stones at a heavily pregnant woman. I've seen older kids hurling stones and debris at vans on the road. I've seen kids throwing fruit and food around on the top deck of the bus, and spattering anyone within their range of fire. I've seen unsupervised kids going absolutely bananas in the swimming-pool changing rooms and running riot in there.

Well I have never seen any of this behaviour where I live (that is in many different places, moved many times in my life) Like Lunar, the worse behaviour I have seen is very inconsequential so the issue must be deeper than just age and whether the children are supervised or not.

I totally agree with cr1mson, the best way is a gradual approach. My kids certainly did go from being supervised 100% of the time to walking 1 hour to school crossing the main road. Each little step of freedom they were given, they have provided me assurance that they could cope with it, so move to the next step. I am not yet at the point where I would be happy to leave them home alone overnight although I do believe they would be fine.

Jagraf

I've never seen children really misbehaving. I've seen them totally bored, hanging around the shops, cars having to break for skateboards and rollerskates, sitting on people's walls, footballs hitting people's parked cars.

I don't see it as playing, I see it as parents using the excuse that their kids are playing.

On the other hand I have seen parents and kids playing footy on the local field, together, getting loads of exercise and fresh air.

In my opinion, there's a big difference between the two.

Jagraf

FBaby wrote: »

I haven't . Your first post immediately implied that the OP was responsible whilst others were not. My response right after yours was that there was no right or wrong, so a bit more moderated! I was just trying to understand why you seem to have such a negative view of children's behaviour. Reading your latest post, I understand better.



Well I have never seen any of this behaviour where I live (that is in many different places, moved many times in my life) Like Lunar, the worse behaviour I have seen is very inconsequential so the issue must be deeper than just age and whether the children are supervised or not.

I totally agree with cr1mson, the best way is a gradual approach. My kids certainly did go from being supervised 100% of the time to walking 1 hour to school crossing the main road. Each little step of freedom they were given, they have provided me assurance that they could cope with it, so move to the next step. I am not yet at the point where I would be happy to leave them home alone overnight although I do believe they would be fine.

fBaby, how old are your kids?

50Twuncle

What has gone wrong with the world ?
At age 7 - I was cycling my bike to meet a friend in the next village (4 miles away)
And at age 9 - I went on my own by train on a 150 mile journey & home again ...safely ...

FBaby

fBaby, how old are your kids?

Too young to be left alone overnight (before anyone starts on this!)

Jagraf

FBaby wrote: »

Too young to be left alone overnight (before anyone starts on this!)

Lol. I do chuck my OH out but he always tries to get back in.