'Playing out'

meer53

When i was about 10 i fell whilst playing in the local woods. I cracked my head and there was lots of blood, on me and everywhere else. I walked home to my mum (about half a mile) the rest of my mates carried on playing. It would never have entered my head to do anything else. Ambulances were for people who were in serious trouble, not kids who hurt themselves playing out. My head needed stitching, my Mum took me to the local doctors later that afternoon when it opened. We didn't have a car or a phone so there was really no other choice !

Times have changed, in a lot of ways, for the worse. If my kids hurt themselves i've always played it down, i can't do with drama queens !

photome

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Thanks everyone its interesting to read the different views you all have.

Last night did worry me and make me think more about this subject - hence my post. Seeing that poor lad lying on the ground. The ambulance crew arrived way before his mum. None of the kids knew where his mum was or even the name of the road to let the ambulance know where to come.

Yes there are weird people around but I agree the media probably makes us worry more than we should. However if my daughter was approached by someone then what? We think we can trust our kids but they behave very differently when adults are not about. Anyone see the experiment recently when the 'stranger' asked kids to go with him? Most of them did go -even though their parents were adamant they never would.

I also see that playing outside the house is different to playing out in general. Some kids wonder 1 mile plus and their parents don't know their exact whereabouts.

I get what you are saying and I had similar fears BUT what age will she be allowed to go out on her own.?

what age will she not be approached by someone and not go with them (the chances of this happening are so slim).

You will have to let go at somepoint its up to you when.

When I was young (cant remenber what age) my friend fell out of the tree he was climbing and broke his arm....he is still alive, and we didnt have mobile phones in the 60s

balletshoes

Fireflyaway wrote: »

I have an 8 year old and feel very strongly that its not appropriate for her to 'play out' unsupervised. However I am currently feeling I am pretty much alone on feeling this way! The parents concerned take their kids to and from school but I think its for show as after school they just turf them out.

Her school mates frequently wonder around the estate / play in the playground / go to the shop etc with no adults. Some friends will be out from straight after school till it gets dark. I'm not talking being in the same street - in some cases its probably a good half mile - possibly more -( OK I just used Google maps - one child goes from her home to the main playground and its actually 1 mile away! )

I did agree to my daughter going today so long as I went too! I don't want her to feel embarrassed ( I sat and discreetly read my book) but I think she is too young to go without an adult.

Today whilst walking behind I saw the girls all cross the road without looking and whilst at the park a boy injured himself badly and I had to call an ambulance. There were no adults to be seen! We also had an issue with a strange man hanging around the parks a few years back and there is a known sex offender living near by ( that's just the one I know about!).

Many seem to think its OK so long as they take a mobile but I'm not convinced. What's your approach?

i haven't read any other replies yet, but my approach with my daughter, at aged 8, was somewhat in the middle of you and the other parents around you.

I live on a short quiet crescent road, there are around 25 houses on one side of the street, half that number on the other side of the street. At aged 8, my daughter was allowed to call on her friends on the street, without my accompanying her. I knew all the parents, and they knew me, so their kids would come calling for my DD too. Together (one a year younger than my DD, the other 2 regulars a couple of years older than her) they were allowed to walk to the nearby park without parents, with strict instructions for the older ones to watch the younger, and for the younger to pay attention to the older.

We have a parade of shops 2 streets away, by age 8 my DD had asked to go to the shop on her own for milk, so I let her (we practised first by her walking ahead of me and making the decisions as to the best place to cross the road etc - I did this when she wanted to walk to school alone too a year later at age 9, which is a slightly further distance and involves more road-crossing).

What age do you think will be okay for your daughter to play out unsupervised OP?

GwylimT

My son started playing out completely on his own from the age of seven, he used to walk to and from school on his own from the age of eight (about a twenty minute walk).

Our daughter (5) plays out on her own, but if she leaves our garden the only place she can go is a fenced of field in our apartment block.

j.e.j.

FBaby wrote: »

I think you mean that SOME kids do stupid kids. It doesn't take reaching adult age to know that throwing rocks on cars is totally irresponsible. Thankfully, i feel completely assured that my kids wouldn't do something like this. They don't consider being unsurpervised as an opportunity to do things they would otherwise get into trouble for. They get no buzz from doing things they shouldn't and getting a buzz from it.

Yes and I'm sure their parents thought their little darlings wouldn't do anything of the sort, either..

Point is, you don't know because you're not there.

Kaye1

Nope.

My DD is 8.


We have a large garden and live next to a large paved area (business next door.)


That's it. She isn't allowed out of sight of these. There is plenty of time to teach her to be independent.


She isn't bothered- in a rural area, she is driven to see her friends as they all live approx. 3-4 miles away.


When she is getting ready for secondary school, we will start thinking about letting her walk to local shops etc.


April Jones was playing with other children, in a local cul-de-sac, in rural Wales, overlooked by lots of houses and was taken by a man who knew her.


I know people will cite 'wrapping in cotton wool,' 'teach independence,' 'in my day, I walked 400 miles on my own in a day (!)' but she still stays where I can see her until she is older.

Gloomendoom

I rmember listening to Chris Evans' radio show when he had a slot for children to ring up and say what they had done for the first time that day. A lad rang up and announced excitedly that his mum had let him walk to the corner shop on his own. When asked his age, he said 12. A bit of an awkward silence followed before Evans congratulated him.

FBaby

Point is, you don't know because you're not there.

You're negative views of children is quite shocking. Why is this? Throwing rocks over cars on top of a bridge is not a common child play activity. It's something that very few kids would even think of and these kids are usually children who do come from trouble homes, when indeed, their parents might have wanted to get rid of them and don't care a bit about their whereabouts.

Of course I can't be 100% certain that they wouldn't do that, but no different to any parents who can't be 100% that their kids won't get up in the night and play with matches and set the house on fire.

I personally find it very sad that some parents (if you are one) can have such a negative views of their children's intention. How can they grow to become confident adults if the person that is supposed to believe in them more than anyone assumes that they are kidsborn with trouble minds who need protection against these bad thoughts?

I was free to go around my neigbourhood when I was about 6 year old. I was taking the train alone for 2 hours when I was 8. I travelled 8 hours on trains having to change when I was about 12 and I lived on my own in my flat when I was 16 doing my A levels. I never once got into trouble, on the opposite. Ironically, when everyone was starting to smoke because it was cool at about 13, I was the only one in a large group who refused to do so.

Responsible children are not those who are watched every seconds, they are those who are taught the rewards of being so and the consequences of being irresponsible.

Spendless

Kaye1 wrote: »

Nope.

My DD is 8.


We have a large garden and live next to a large paved area (business next door.)


That's it. She isn't allowed out of sight of these. There is plenty of time to teach her to be independent.


She isn't bothered- in a rural area, she is driven to see her friends as they all live approx. 3-4 miles away.


When she is getting ready for secondary school, we will start thinking about letting her walk to local shops etc.


April Jones was playing with other children, in a local cul-de-sac, in rural Wales, overlooked by lots of houses and was taken by a man who knew her.


I know people will cite 'wrapping in cotton wool,' 'teach independence,' 'in my day, I walked 400 miles on my own in a day (!)' but she still stays where I can see her until she is older.

To be fair April Jones climbed willingly into the vehicle of a man she knew, despite her friend telling her not to.

That in no way means I think that anyone else is responsible for her disappearance than the man who took her, but I do think if children are allowed to play out they should have some ground rules set.

My eldest was 7 when a park on my street was re-furbished, the youngest 6 when she was allowed out with her brother (then 9). The rules I gave to them were a family password, if someone approached them on foot or vehicle, then it wasn't ok to go off with them, if they tried persuading them because I'd sent them, then the person should provide them the password. If I'd given permission to go 'to the park', then the park was the only place they should be. If they met a friend there and wanted to go back to play at their house, or to wander to the shops then they couldn't just go there, they had to contact me first for permission.

Nowadays I have a different situation as youngest is 12 and for the first few days at Secondary she walked to school. Then the parent of the sisters she was walking with contacted me, she'd caught up with her daughters with some forgotten kit and was convinced that a man in a van was 'looking at them'. She's stopped them walking to school and consequently DD hasn't found anyone else to walk with, she is small for her age (4ft 6) and my issue is her not being able to see vehicles on the road between parked cars en-route as there are places where there are no crossings.

gayleygoo

If we had much of a garden (only a very tiny back yard that's not big enough for playing really, and just a driveway out the front), we'd probably insist our children played around the house.

There is also no "shared space" nearby where kids could go and play, or ride their bikes etc, so ours (7 and 5) spend much of their outdoor time down round the corner of the cul-de-sac. 1) because that's where their friends live and 2) the cars have to slow down to turn that corner. Cars go scarily fast past our house so playing in front of our house where I can see them isn't really an option. If I have my window open I can usually hear them if they were to start crying.

I have often talked to my children about the importance of staying safe, not going near cars and never getting into one even if they know the person, were offered sweets etc.

I worry more about my children doing silly things by accident. I don't think they'd be throwing rocks at cars (and to my mind, teenagers are more likely to get into trouble like that, which is a different thing altogether), but if they broke a window with a ball or fell off their bike into a parked car, scratching it, well I suppose that's just something I'll have to deal with if it ever happens. But it's not really something I can prevent by watching them like hawks.

Much of parenting is constant risk assessment, which differs for every parent and child and many other factors. I know we are less strict with our children than other parents in the street in terms of where they can play, and more strict than others. Some don't seem to mind if their 3 year old is knocking our door for my son to come out, others don't seem to let their 10 year old venture from their sight.

Next year we will tackle the school bus thing. DD (7) wants to get the school bus by herself and walk the 200yds from the stop without me meeting her, really my only issue is the road that needs to be crossed and the lack of faith I have in drivers to stop at the red light for the crossing (I've almost been run over myself a few times because a driver doesn't understand/care their light is red!)