Advice on 16 year old daughter please.

purpleshoes_2 · 12 April 2015 at 2:35PM

SnooksNJ wrote: »

My reaction was the daughter needs an older person whom she can confide in and try to smooth things over. Like the female Motley Crew woman. But she is an enabler. Instead of saying the daughter can move in she should say something like Father's tend to be very strict with their daughters because they don't want to believe they are growing up. But at they end of the day Father's love their daughters and will always be there for them.

Not always the case in many families including my own. Some people have no relationship with one or both parents.

clark24 · 12 April 2015 at 2:59PM

So this girl is 16 and has spent a 3rd of her life watching her mother die a slow and painful death. She will still be grieving this. Her father and brother openly dislike her and her grandparents are constantly called on to mediate the situation. She is constantly told she is a failure, a disappointment and even her appearance is worthy of a physical threat (you do know that holding her down and cutting it would be viewed as abuse, worthy of police involvement yes?)

She is acting out, she is angry and she doesn't have a safe and secure way of expressing her emotions. Instead of the unconditional love and support that she needed she is getting threats and all her faults put under the spotlight.

Yes she isn't perfect, she has made mistakes and I am sure you are planning on making damn sure she is aware of those every day. She bullies others, possibly as she is being bullied at home and it is her only way of feeling strong. It isn't right that she is doing it, but it is a classic transference of emotions.

I personally don't think her moving out is a bad thing based on current events. You do not have her respect, she does not have yours and neither of you are trying to earn it. You believe these other people must be groomers, as you can't fathom why anyone would care enough about your child to want to help her, as you do not care for her in that way. Maybe they are good people, ones who see a child who is in desperate need for security and stability. Yet you threaten them too. You seem a very angry person, one who is losing the control they feel they have the right to.

She is old enough to leave, old enough to never return and to disappear from your life forever. Maybe this will be better for her and maybe not, but right now you are running out of time to repair a very broken relationship with your daughter, don't waste the opportunity, unless you actually don't want to fix it.