Nice People Thread No. 14, all Nice and Proper

Nikkster

PasturesNew wrote: »

Ya missed a bit!!!

Very jaunty

They need to have white seashells round the base when in place.

I know how to "cheese up" design/decor!

They're not quite as bright in real life. Think it's toned risen with the second coat too. Definitely not black though!
Think it's going to be natural slate around the bottom. And non-grass lawn in the middle. With lavenders either side of the path.
Hopefully it'll not look like a mess when it's done. Though the front couldn't really look much worse than it does now. I think people assume I've got a really bad landlord when they see me leaving the house

ukmaggie45

Yorkie1 wrote: »

I asked Mum whether they think his cognitive levels a) have got as far as they will ever get; b) may/will improve further with time, and therapy won't assist; or c) may/will improve further with time, and therapy might assist (but isn't being offered). She wasn't sure and I have a sense that she won't push for an answer on this one.

Which would be fine, on one level, but she's an expert at martyrdom - which makes me angry when there's an option to improve your lot but you choose not to take it and then to complain about your lot.

Mum is understandably feeling as though their life might be a bit like a prison - never able to trust him being left on his own, in case he takes something 'rational' into his mind without allowing thought of the consequences to temper his actions. And I just feel as though my life is going to be fielding daily phone calls from Mum, being strong and wise for her, with nobody for me. My stress levels are up and I don't seem to be able to bring them back down again. No fun.

I don't know how weird your Dad's behaviour is, but a lot of how carers for people with dementia look after their loved ones could well be used for stroke etc I think. Worth look at over how to defuse argumentative behaviour for one example.

I suggest you look at the Altzheimers disease website - it covers all dementias not just AD. The forums have a lot of hints and help on how to deal with odd behaviour.

Not saying your Dad has AD, just that there's helpful suggestions out there on the net that might be of use.

My Mum went completely doolally once Dad went into nursing home, we were attacked and told we were stealing their money etc. We had so much stuff to deal with even though had internet I never got time to try see what was happening with her.

Dear Yorkie, I really feel for you and your Mum. Hugs.

michaels

Niks do you have an asylum seeker problem?

I did a purge of books, lowbrow stuff went to the charity shop, books that I thought looked vaguely intelligent got shelved

SingleSue

PasturesNew wrote: »

Studies, offices..... I thought I was posh for having a spare bedroom!

Not counting bathrooms, (dedicated) kitchens and utilities ... how many rooms do NPs have?

I've three: one downstairs, two upstairs.

We have four...well actually more like 3 and a half as youngest's bedroom is a (very) small boxroom.

Doozergirl

michaels wrote: »

Niks do you have an asylum seeker problem?

I did a purge of books, lowbrow stuff went to the charity shop, books that I thought looked vaguely intelligent got shelved

That's not pleasing anyone is it, really? No one really cares. If they do, they're the wrong friends.

Doozergirl

Yorkie, I'm really sorry to hear that. Don't be alone, even if you pay someone to listen, you need looking after too.

Lydia, sorry about doglet. Really good dog kennels like that are valuable. She can spend more time with the behaviourist now and they can find a suitable owner. We had doozerdog from the blue cross and it took a long time for us to get a perfect match. It worked out perfectly.

Lovely colour, Nikkster! The plan sounds gorgeous. I managed to plant lavender interspersed with thyme in spring and it's really taken. I have a non-grass lawn, just not the attractive type. One caused by a small dog that doesn't !!!! his leg

Dowoaded Marie Kondo onto DD's kindle. Her face lit up when I explained wanting happiness and only owning things that bring joy. We'll see.

Generali

Hi Yorkie. Sorry to hear the news. Ole Pa Generali had Alzheimer's and it's not much fun for those around the patient. From the patient's POV it doesn't seem so bad actually although you do hear some sad stories.

SingleSue

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Congratulations on retirement Spirit, I like how you spent your first day :beer:

Excluding kitchen and bathroom, I have 5 rooms (2 downstairs, 3 upstairs).

My glory hole is the smallest room upstairs - not sure you could get a single bed into it; it's a study I suppose although storage room for books / violin / various old computer stuff, and a small freezer, would be more accurate

Congrats on the BTL, silvercar :j

Sorry to hear the progress update with the dog, Lydia

Dad had a visit home this weekend. In some ways his cognitive levels are vastly improved, although I don't think his empathy is there.

But then he decided he needed to move the car round - Mum had parked it on the drive bonnet first; Dad always used to park it boot first. Mum screamed at him not to do it, and he just sat and giggled at her like a naughty schoolboy, she said. He did move the car down a little, but not off the drive. He then moved it too far back up, and had to let it drift back again. So spatial awareness wasn't great.

I'm not sure whether he completely failed to appreciate that he wasn't allowed to drive, or whether he knew it and just didn't care. It does tie in with his wilfulness when at the stroke unit - he was told he couldn't use the staff toilets, said "Yes", and then proceeded to go into them and use them anyway.

His spatial navigation generally is also not trustworthy - whether he'd be able to get himself back home. He didn't manage to do it easily when on a walk from the rehab unit (shadowed by a nurse).

He'll be discharged on Wednesday. There was a long multidisciplinary meeting with him and Mum this morning. It sounds as though they are not offering any further intervention, rehab etc.

I asked Mum whether they think his cognitive levels a) have got as far as they will ever get; b) may/will improve further with time, and therapy won't assist; or c) may/will improve further with time, and therapy might assist (but isn't being offered). She wasn't sure and I have a sense that she won't push for an answer on this one.

Which would be fine, on one level, but she's an expert at martyrdom - which makes me angry when there's an option to improve your lot but you choose not to take it and then to complain about your lot.

Mum is understandably feeling as though their life might be a bit like a prison - never able to trust him being left on his own, in case he takes something 'rational' into his mind without allowing thought of the consequences to temper his actions. And I just feel as though my life is going to be fielding daily phone calls from Mum, being strong and wise for her, with nobody for me. My stress levels are up and I don't seem to be able to bring them back down again. No fun.

We had a similar experience with dad post strokes, we banned him from driving even before his license was suspended for health reasons....he had no spatial awareness at all but thought he was driving perfectly fine. We managed about 30 seconds in the car with him (it was probably less but seemed even longer) but then made him stop the car as we were so terrified.

He is also now very willful, very impatient and has temper tantrums like a child...including stamping his feet!

vivatifosi

Yorkie, if I recall correctly, are your parents in Herts? If so, if mum is not already aware if them, then Carers In Herts May be a useful organisation. They are the local support network for carers and can help your mum with advice.

There's also the Carers Cafe network, where carers can get together once a month and meet other people in the same situation for a chat and support, always without their charges. There should also be day care settings, though I know from experience how difficult it was to get fil to go to some of those.

The important thing is that your mum knows that she is not alone and that there are local support networks available to her. Hopefully that would also give you a bit more peace from afar.

Here's a link to the Carers In Herts website:
http://www.carersinherts.org.uk/

Carers Cafe:
https://crossroadshn.org.uk/our-services/carers-cafes/

More generic advice on local adult care services available, especially from the council:

[url]Http://m.hertsdirect.org/services/healthsoc/supportforadults/[/url]

Generali

Ah yeah, useful stuff.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Selfish-Pigs-Guide-Caring/dp/0749929863#productDescription_secondary_view_div_1438665267797

A very good book for carers. It explains a lot of the good and bad stuff that will happen including how much you will hate the person you care for sometimes. Ma G used to fantasise about pushing Pa G down the stairs quite a lot. I think it helped.