In a difficult place with my wife and I don't know what to do

Starrystarrynight1

If you really and absolutely loved your wife, you wouldn't care what she looked like.

No-one deserves to be talked about like that. You seem very critical of her. I imagine she will have many criticisms of you, too. Things are rarely so one sided. What might she say about you?

[Deleted User]

I have to be honest, you may love each other.., but certainly there's a lot you don't like/can't accept about her. I rather think its time for you both to move on and find someone who likes them as they are. Having a critical partner because of their different needs/likes is very difficult, for both parties.

I would spot someone who may or may not fancy me based on what I weigh, rather than who I am from a mile off. And avoid. What would you do when the beautiful person you loved gets a few wrinkles.., find a younger model?

Alittlelost1234

First thanks everyone for the advice, its really given me plenty to think about.

If I had a choice I would not be bothered about my partner being over weight, its just a defect in my personally which I can't change but I see it as a choice on her part not to eat well or exercise. I make a huge effort to control my weight as its very easy for me to pile on the pounds as I LOVE food especially anything sweets. I think I could live with it if I could see a proper effort being made to change things.

I also struggle with the lies and I believe some of the things I have been told are HUGE HUGE lies (unless I am wrong) at the same time she is such a lovely person (aside from the lies) and we really enjoy each others company.

Grrr why does life have to be so hard. Lesson here is communicate better from the start, don't get married too young and be honest.

Finance side of things its not small number our CC bill can be well over £10k per month.

The more people say the more I think we are just not right for each other.

cte1111

But why should your wife diet just to suit you? Also why should she spend the money she earns in the way that you think it should be spent / saved? She's an adult who's in a good job, has a close relationship with her family and enjoys her lifestyle.

I would find lying difficult to cope with, but now it sounds like you're not even sure if she has been lying or not. Perhaps it would be an idea to discuss this at least, to try and give yourself some closure.

Alittlelost1234

cte1111 wrote: »

But why should your wife diet just to suit you? Also why should she spend the money she earns in the way that you think it should be spent / saved? She's an adult who's in a good job, has a close relationship with her family and enjoys her lifestyle.

I would find lying difficult to cope with, but now it sounds like you're not even sure if she has been lying or not. Perhaps it would be an idea to discuss this at least, to try and give yourself some closure.

Diet, you are right just different outlook on life.

Money, we don't have separate money, its only in the last year she started to earn good money the last 10 years I have supported us and gave up my job so she could chase her dream.

Lying Im going to talk to her tomorrow again.

Alittlelost1234

Just a quick update, we have not seen each other since I made this thread actually since January time.

So the marriage is well and truly finished and we are getting divorced. Shame really as other than the issues listed here we had a good relationship.

I have started seeing new people and left the uk (I only moved back to the uk for her). She is not too happy with the amount of money I am offering to give her but at the end of the day I earned everything before we got married, I have no income at the moment, she makes good money and she is still coming away with £250k at 30 years old so its not bad.

duchy

Thank goodness
I wish you both every success and hope you find partners who can make you happy and you make happy having learned from this relationship

Alittlelost1234

Thanks, actually I have learned a lot and my next relationship will be much better.

I don't know if I will settle down again maybe one day.

duchy

Well if nothing else you've learned not to get married just because it's the next thing to do

maman

Alittlelost1234 wrote: »

She is not too happy with the amount of money I am offering to give her but at the end of the day I earned everything before we got married, I have no income at the moment, she makes good money and she is still coming away with £250k at 30 years old so its not bad.

Thanks for the update. Hopefully you can now start afresh having learned from the mistakes you made the first time. Take your time and don't rush to get into anything again.


On the subject of money: I'm no expert but as you don't have children then I'm assuming all you need to do is split any assets from the marriage like property or savings. Surely it's not about making an offer?