What is wrong with some people (More neighbour drama)

aileth

Hi all, I need a serious rant.

Well, this weekend the sun was out, so here comes the neighbour drama yet again. Awoken on Sunday morning by the 'thud thud thud' of the football against our house. We have asked the woman to stop probably 30-40 times a year for the past three years. We even planted pyrancathas and put up trellis on the top of our fence to 'dissuade' her from just entering our garden (which she had done before).

We ignore it, settle down to lunch. Next thing, hammering on the doorbell. My husband answers, they say the ball has gone in our garden, he has a quick check as he's in the middle of eating, can't see it and tells them to ask next door. Sit down again.

Ring ring ring ring ring. I get up this time, "No, it's in YOUR garden. Get our ball." I tell them they can wait until we've eaten our lunch and then I'll throw it back over, "No, get it for us now." I don't think so. I said to her, seriously, this happens every single year and has done for the past three years, "Oh, it wasn't us. It was these other kids who ran down to the bridge." Really now? So I guess for the past 30-40 times each year for three years it's been these kids? "Yes." I asked her why she would be asking for these kid's ball back and she ignored the question and just asked for it back again.

I told her again we were having lunch and she could have it back after that. She said she'd just enter our garden and take it anyway (We have a lock on the gate and it's a six foot fence. She damaged the fence last time maneuvering her 'bulk' over it), so I said go ahead I'll just call the Police because I'm thoroughly sick of this. She told me to do what I want, so I said okay then and closed the door. Rang 101 and logged it, she disappeared inside. Husband threw back the ball when we finished lunch as promised.

Police were very good, attended about an hour later and spoke to her. They came around to us as she had apparently alleged that I swore at her child (If anyone has seen my previous threads about her, they'll know that the only person who swears at her child is her, which I told them) and that I had assaulted her by grabbing her coat! Now, she is about six foot and probably good 18-20 stone. I'm five foot and 11 stone. The Police themselves laughed about it, but seriously what is wrong with people? I mean, to me lying to the Police is just incredible, and it would never, ever cross my mind.

They left and told us to log it on diary sheets from the HA (We are in shared ownership, she's in rented) and that it may escalate.

I really can't deal with this right now. Last time it happened I suffered from severe anxiety about it. It got to the point that each time I heard the thud thud thud I would turn the doorbell off, lock myself in the bedroom and under the covers.

I didn't initially make this thread asking for advice, but I suppose I am in a way. How are you supposed to deal with someone who will quite happily throw accusations and lie to the Police? I'm also a nervous wreck thinking that now she's going to get her mates to target us. Normally I look forward to going home, but even now at this time I'm a nervous wreck.

Help

fivetide

Be a shame if next time the ball landed on that spike in the back garden and went flat.

aileth

I wish that was something we could do, however apparently been warned that doing so would constitute criminal damage, but apparently her breaking our fence to break into our garden isn't criminal damage!

Doozergirl

Can't you put something along the wall to stop the hammering?

A fence along it or planting. If they don't stop and it makes you as miserable as you say it does, then you have to make it impossible.

Turning the doorbell off and hiding doesn't help, nor does phoning the police or arguing. It makes it worse. It's antagonising.

dandelionclock30

Is there an ASBO team in your area who you can contact for advice? I think I would be going down the line of continual harrassment myself.If nothing gets done then I'd be going to my MP.
Could you approach your housing Association and ask if they could help in any way?. Is there any way that you could move?
In the meantime I would ignore all knocks to the door by them and if they continue, keep ringing the Police. They will soon get sick of it and do something.

Snakey

At some point you will have said or done something that, in her mind, has justified her dislike of you and therefore nothing she does to you now can possibly be wrong because you deserve it and she's in the right. Because of that, I don't think you should aggravate the situation by doing things like bursting the football - that just puts you squarely in the wrong, which in turn lends credibility to everything else she's been saying.

I expect she's telling the story on some other forum of this horrible woman who is completely intolerant of the normal noise made by children playing, who swears at her kids and is rude to her, who lies and pretends not to have the football when she can clearly see it lying there, pretends to be "in the middle of lunch" when she's obviously not, exaggerates how often the ball goes over, and today when I said I'd go and get it myself she called the police!!!! - and getting a bundle of sympathy and reassurance and other people's horrible neighbour stories as a reward!

In short, there is no way you're going to get her to stop, or see reason, or do things differently, because as far as she's concerned she hasn't done anything wrong and it's all you. It would be like expecting you to let her have whatever she wants.

There is nothing you can do apart from thank your lucky stars that a) it doesn't seem to be escalating, and b) she apparently doesn't have the sense to make her lies believable, which limits the problems she can cause for you with third parties.

How old is the youngest footballer? How many more years of this do you think you will have? I assume you don't want to move, but perhaps you should consider it. It's horrible to feel insecure in your own home.

aileth

Can't plant anything against the wall, our house is directly next to the pavement.

Yes, Snakey, I fully expect that's how she's done it. She is incapable of accepting responsibility for anything, given that when she comes to the door she blames it on other kids who are apparently invisible or have 'run off' somewhere.

I would love to move, but unfortunately the house is a shared ownership and we have pets. Not only would it probably take a while to move, but I doubt we'd have enough equity to afford buying somewhere else, and I can't think many landlords would take a dog and two cats, regardless of how much extra we pay.

pearl123

Don't answer the door, unless perhaps at a convent time. Put up security cameras, especially over areas she might climb.
I'd be inclined to padlock gates if a neighbour annoyed me off.

I suppose at the end of the day it depends upon how intrusive next doors behaviour us.
i find with my neighbours I sometimes have to grit my teeth.
I suppose if the Police have been she should know the rules regarding trespass.

aileth

Gate is padlocked, thus why she hauls herself over and breaks our fence.

Might I add the only reason we called the Police this time is because we're fed up of now three years of her not listening to our VERY polite pleas. We have thrown it back probably getting on for 80-100 times now, and each time all we've said is, "Please be more careful", "Please don't play it against our house", etcetera, etcetera. She has smirked at us and continued. She isn't interested in listening to us, in fact I thinks he LOVES to annoy us. We don't know her, she doesn't know us. We keep ourselves to ourselves in the area. She obviously considers us walkovers.

tea_lover

I'd be considering anti-vandal paint on the fence (along with a sign of course). I'd also ignore the door if you know it's her.

heartbreak_star

Second the anti-vandal paint, or something slippery so she can't get a good enough grip to climb?

HBS x