Late cards and gifts from people

fierystormcloud

bizzybee wrote: »

As Mark Twain said

"To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence."

:rotfl: ....

Anatidaephobia

It doesn't bother me at all. A late gift just feels like a second birthday

TBagpuss

It doesn't bother me at all. I would far rather know someone thought of me and made the effort to send something, even if it was late. And while birthdays do come on the same day every year, *other people's* birthdays are not a major 'thing' for most of us.

I think it is very common to remember it is someone's birthday *on the day*, which of course then means anything you then buy and post will be late.

(for the record, I tend to be pretty good at getting stuff to people on time, but often receive cards and things late) I'm happy that friends and family care enough to remember and send me something. I struggle to see it as an insult, unless it is done deliberately.

I would be annoyed by double standards, however, and do think it is very rude if family members are being critical of you for doing the same as them. Perhaps you should raise this with your sister (ideally at a time when it isn't anyone's birthday) to let her know that you find it hurtful that while she feels hurt if you are late with her card/gift, she doesn't seem to realize that you find it equally hurtful that she is late with yours, and suggest that you *both* make the effort to get each others gifts and cards on time.

fierystormcloud

TBagpuss wrote: »

It doesn't bother me at all. I would far rather know someone thought of me and made the effort to send something, even if it was late. And while birthdays do come on the same day every year, *other people's* birthdays are not a major 'thing' for most of us.

I think it is very common to remember it is someone's birthday *on the day*, which of course then means anything you then buy and post will be late.

(for the record, I tend to be pretty good at getting stuff to people on time, but often receive cards and things late) I'm happy that friends and family care enough to remember and send me something. I struggle to see it as an insult, unless it is done deliberately.

I would be annoyed by double standards, however, and do think it is very rude if family members are being critical of you for doing the same as them. Perhaps you should raise this with your sister (ideally at a time when it isn't anyone's birthday) to let her know that you find it hurtful that while she feels hurt if you are late with her card/gift, she doesn't seem to realize that you find it equally hurtful that she is late with yours, and suggest that you *both* make the effort to get each others gifts and cards on time.

I agree with this. I think I will have a word with the two sisters who are always sending cards late, but kicking off if ours are late.

Thank you.

Pollycat

fierystormcloud wrote: »

An insult?

An afterthought?

Or are you glad to receive something at all?

Or are YOU the one who is guilty of sending stuff late?

This was a debate at work this week; a few people didn't care, most were annoyed with late cards and gifts and a few actually sent them late themselves! The majority though (said it was rude, and poor etiquette to send late cards and/or gifts.)

It makes me furious. I have 4 sisters, and 2 of them always get cards and gifts to us 2-5 days late for our birthday; yet they know the date of our birthday and have all year to get something.

Some of my OH's family is the same; always late with stuff.

But God forbid WE give any of them their cards or gifts late: our name is run into the floor!

Personally I do not want an afterthought, and find a late card or gift and insult (as I said, people know your birthday way in advance.) And I know people have busy lives and other family to think of, but so do we!!!

So what are people views?

OK, you asked for people's views:

Furious?
Really?

An insult?
Really?

I do sometimes get 'furious' but it most certainly isn't over something as trivial as a late birthday card.

If you are getting flak from family members for sending cards late, why not just point out to them that they do it to you and ask why they feel it is acceptable for them but not for you?

No big deal, surely.

Pollycat

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I agree with this. I think I will have a word with the two sisters who are always sending cards late, but kicking off if ours are late.

Thank you.

I don't think this is just about late birthday cards.

It's more that your sisters expect more from you than they are prepared to give to you - and give you hassle about it.

Why do you accept this behaviour from them?

JournalGirl

I love a late birthday present :-)

Its an extra surprise after the dust has settled.

(But I am in the group who is also usually late in sending to everyone else - at least it's not double standards)

olgadapolga

My MIL always used to send cards to my boys late - up to four months late, not because she forgot but because she didn't care. However, she did care about my daughter (she'd never had any interest in the boys) so always sent a card on my daughter's birthday and enclosed cards for the boys (for appearances' sake. only though).

One year when one of my boys was about 5 years old, he dutifully rang her to thank her and he blurted out, "Why did you send my card in AUGUST when my birthday is in MAY? It was AGES ago!" My husband was mortified but personally I thought it was a fair comment :rotfl: She didn't care about them and it showed. Children are not stupid and the boys knew exactly what was going on. They don't have to thank her anymore as she hasn't sent a card since. It used to really annoy me but only because she treated my children differently.

I don't particularly care about late cards for myself although it used to drive me insane that my husband very often didn't bother getting me a card (never mind anything else). However, it's only a card and he does thousands of things throughout the year for me that more than make up for it

barbarawright

For someone who claims not to care about people, you are very upset about something as trivial as a late birthday card

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5197855

mum2one

From the opening post it could have been my family, for me if I recieve a card and or present them I'm grateful, but for family on my mums side they expect it all the time.

On my mums side my daughter was the 1st grandchild followed 12 days later by my cousins daughter - who was due 1st and how dare I pip her to the post.... The kids be 13 this yr.
the 1st bday - dd gets nothing - we take presents us for cousins 1st bday we were a day late - we'd been away but did send a text - happy bday - the floor wiping my mum got was disgraceful how dare we be a day late - then to add fuel to fire I mentioned that if that was the case I should be the one sprouting feathers as dds was 13 days late....
Since then for about 5 hrs dd never got her bday present till after the cousins then it was recycled - I recycle - but not to the extent of toys / dolls with no packaging that you see in shop in boxes etc, clothes with size tags and all labels out - in the end it came to a family bust up so we don't buy for any of them.

It saddens me that it comes to this with families - but it happens xx