Mothers Day - love it and hate it

Robinette

jp1964 wrote: »

I hate the ritual of trawling through endless cards trying to find one that doesn't go on about what a wonderful mother she is or what she has done for me, it really hurts to have to find one that just says Happy Mothers' Day.

I have always tried to be the Mum to them that I never had, and I think, no, I know, that I have achieved that.

Thank you for posting this. I can totally relate to what you have written and sometimes feel so guilty for feeling the way I do.

I am lucky to have an amazing step-mother, who is everything a mother should be, and the upside of having such a rubbish birth mother is that it has taught me how to be a great mother to my own daughter.


Happy Mother's Day all.

margaretclare

It's really Mothering Sunday. The fourth Sunday in Lent, by tradition.

jp1964

margaretclare wrote: »

It's really Mothering Sunday. The fourth Sunday in Lent, by tradition.

Aware of that, thanks.

Colloquially known as Mothers' Day, but that is not really what this thread is about, is it?

suki1964

JP, thank you for posting this. I read it earlier and thanked but had to come back and say thanks out loud

I too dread Mother's Day. Luckily now I work in hospitality and always offer to do the double shift so I don't have to go through the falseness of it all on the day

However I still feel pressurised into buying the card and gift and I know how hard it it to find the right card. I was in a shop one year and a card rep was there she asked if I needed help and I asked her to find me a card for a mother who I actually didn't like. Her face was priceless lol

I'm glad and am happy that so many have great mothers. I was just unfortunate. I'm now a step grandmother and I don't do the "special " days We celebrate birthdays only

beluga

I dislike Mother's Day, or actually any 'special' days that involve my mother, as she's so ungrateful and demanding. I too feel very guilty about it, it's a confusing emotion! TBH, any occasion where I give or receive gifts makes me uncomfortable. I never feel like I get it right, and years of my mother either laughing or asking "what did you get me this for?" have put me off!

jp1964

suki1964 wrote: »

JP, thank you for posting this. I read it earlier and thanked but had to come back and say thanks out loud

I too dread Mother's Day. Luckily now I work in hospitality and always offer to do the double shift so I don't have to go through the falseness of it all on the day

However I still feel pressurised into buying the card and gift and I know how hard it it to find the right card. I was in a shop one year and a card rep was there she asked if I needed help and I asked her to find me a card for a mother who I actually didn't like. Her face was priceless lol

I'm glad and am happy that so many have great mothers. I was just unfortunate. I'm now a step grandmother and I don't do the "special " days We celebrate birthdays only

Suki, I am sorry that you also have to go through this ritual, I had no idea how many others felt like this, and whilst its truly awful that you and others have been caused pain by the one person who is supposed to try to protect them from it, somehow I do feel comforted knowing it is not just me.

I can remember when I was a child and feeling like I wasn't as good as anyone else because my Mum left me (I was only 7) that feeling has stayed with me always to some extent, although I feel I am stronger for it and have overcome a lot to be a good Mum to my kids, not blowing my own trumpet, just stating facts.

I do all the usual Mothers' Day stuff simply because I want my kids to have a good example to follow, and it is just wonderful to enjoy it with my kids, but I hate it that my mother is involved, it seems such hypocrisy, my mother has never acknowledged what she has done, even when I have tried to raise the subject, or tried to understand, now or at the time she left us, how much psychological damage she did to two small children (I have a younger sibling) so I will never have closure, even when she dies. Thats tough to deal with, to be honest.

Once again her denial and refusal to face up to it means that she puts herself and her feelings first, above her children. What kind of a mother does that, I would hate to upset or hurt any of my children, even in a much lesser way, it would also hurt me just as badly, and I would do anything to be able to try to put right whatever it was I had done to upset them.

I honestly cannot understand how she can live with herself, but it always is, as ever, just about her.

Thank you, suki, for your kind post and thanks.

jp1964

Robinette wrote: »

Thank you for posting this. I can totally relate to what you have written and sometimes feel so guilty for feeling the way I do.

I am lucky to have an amazing step-mother, who is everything a mother should be, and the upside of having such a rubbish birth mother is that it has taught me how to be a great mother to my own daughter.


Happy Mother's Day all.

Oh yes, I can relate to that, learning how to be a good mother to my own kids is the one good thing that came out of what happened to me when my Mum left me. Also the guilt of feeling the way I do is awful, especially as my mother is elderly now, I am not in the habit of hating or being unkind to elderly ladies, my Dad brought me up well!

I also am very lucky to have a lovely MIL who is a wonderful mother and grandmother to her 6 grandchildren. She has always been there for me, too, far more than my own mother ever was, and in recent years has taken to signing birthday cards to me 'love from Mum' really touching, she told me she sees me as a daughter, and that means a lot.

farmerboy

I personally hate the day now, not because of having a bad mother but because its always now part of a painful week. This year her birthday would have been last Monday, the anniversary of her passing was Wednesday, and then mothering Sunday. This year seems much worse as things have finally settled down, so no longer in auto pilot sorting issues out.

I'll try and be happy on the day for my OH and DD, and am luckily working tonight so most of the day tomorrow will be spent asleep

jp1964

farmerboy, so sorry for your loss, and that this is such a difficult week for you, that's awful with the anniversary, birthday and Mothering Sunday all in one week.

I am sure that your OH and DD will understand how hard it is, and will appreciate the effort you will make for their sakes, and I hope that your happy memories of your Mum will, in time, make it a little easier to bear, my wonderful memories of my Dad have certainly carried me through some really tough times since losing him, and I am so grateful for all he has taught me, and for his legacy of love.

Hope that the day goes ok for you.

Slinky

I too hate mother's day, only had to deal with it since meeting my OH as we take his mother out to lunch.


My mother left my Dad when I was 15. Dad said what about the children, she said 'they can stay with you.'. She made her choice then, I cut her out of my life and haven't spoken to her willingly since then or at all in the last 20 years.


I don't understand jp why you bother to have contact with your mother. Your kids are old enough to decide for themselves whether they want to have any relationship with her or not, you don't need to be there anymore to enable this.