Mothers Day - love it and hate it

mumps

ellay864 wrote: »

I'm struggling this year - my mum was great but we were poles apart and I alwasy found it hard to show her much affection even though I loved her. She died in June so this is my first Mother's Day without her, and it's been hurting in the run up more than I expected it to...and not helped by the fact my eldest sone just clean forgot. Am guilt-tripping him by FB messenger right now! he's 23, it's the first time he's ever forgot and I feel like I'm ridulously over-reacting but it has really hurt

My youngest is almost 23 and I think he has forgotten. I will tease him about it when he is next home. I know he loves me and that is enough. Try not to let it upset you.

jp1964

Slinky wrote: »

I guess having lived with this charade for 40 years, you're stuck with it now forever, as you can't admit to your kids that you've been faking it for so long. I feel sorry for the situation you have found yourself in.


My mother once said to my Dad about 'having to remain friends' because of situations like weddings etc. I don't know why on earth she thought she'd be invited to my wedding. My OH has never met his MIL. He has a sister I have never met. Neither of us feel deprived from not having had a relationship with that person.


|I don't even know if my mother knows I'm married.

Slinky, I think you misunderstand my posts, it is not a charade, simply the way things are, my kids are under no illusions, they know the facts of what happened, and quite frankly I am not going to be 'stuck with it forever' as my mother is 85! When she dies at least I will know that my kids knew her and despite her shortcomings as a mother, they love her as their grandmother, and rightly so.

I don't think, as I said before, that they can fully understand how much hurt I have been through, and no one can unless they have been through it, but that does not mean that they have no idea how I feel, I simply don't want them to have had no contact with their grandmother, that is not my decision to make for them and would in my view be utterly selfish, based on my own feelings. They know that I put up with her for their sake, and I have always been honest with them about the facts.

I find it hard to understand someone cutting off all contact like you have, but then again I appreciate that your circumstances may well be much different.

My mother was at my wedding, all the christenings, birthday parties, Christmases etc, and I find it quite easy most of the time to simply concentrate on other people, and I know that I have done my best by my kids to include all family members, no matter how I feel about them. I would have been uneasy to decide to exclude a family member from their lives, no matter how I feel about them. They have the right to know their grandmother, my issues are mine alone. She has done nothing to harm them.

I can deal with it most of the time, I am a grown up, after all! My original post was just to let off steam at a vulnerable moment, I am looking forward to a lovely Mothers' Day with all my children around me, and no one is going to spoil that, least of all the person whose role as a mother has been a complete failure, I intend to relish, enjoy and be proud of the fact that mine was a complete success, regardless of that.

Anatidaephobia

I have a relatively good relationship with my mum so I enjoy Mother's Day I like any event which brings my family together. However, since my partner's mother died, Mother's Day can be hard too.