Mothers Day - love it and hate it

maggy50

Hugs to all for Mothers day hope you have a lovely day.

Personally I am in between , my lovely daughter never forgets but sadly my two sons do not bother , my birthday falls near this day and sometimes the elder one sends me a card .

I used to be upset but not anymore life is to short to be bitter and my memories of a nice Mum are good and I miss her dearly ..

SailorSam

suki1964 wrote: »

I was in a shop one year and a card rep was there she asked if I needed help and I asked her to find me a card for a mother who I actually didn't like. Her face was priceless lol

I think the first card company to bring out some of those will make a killing. There must be more people than you imagine Suki, feel like you.

tessie_bear

love that idea for a card...i have spent since child hood looking at the worlds greates mum/dad cards and thinking i have no use for either...this year i have decided to get my own mother what she deserves...thats nowt and i cant tell you how liberating it was in waitrose the afternoon walking past all the mothers day tat thinking she can whistle

jp1964

Slinky wrote: »

I too hate mother's day, only had to deal with it since meeting my OH as we take his mother out to lunch.


My mother left my Dad when I was 15. Dad said what about the children, she said 'they can stay with you.'. She made her choice then, I cut her out of my life and haven't spoken to her willingly since then or at all in the last 20 years.


I don't understand jp why you bother to have contact with your mother. Your kids are old enough to decide for themselves whether they want to have any relationship with her or not, you don't need to be there anymore to enable this.

I bother to have contact with my mother because she is my kids' grandmother, and I had to endure enough stress as a child and teenager to know that people fighting and not speaking to this person and that person within families is harmful and toxic, and as an adult I am mature enough to be able to rise above it. I would hate for there to be a family rift and not be able to get everyone together in the same room just because of my personal feelings, I tend to just concentrate on the kids, my husband and MIL anyway and keep my distance without there being an awkward atmosphere.

I get what you mean about not wanting contact but I am afraid I am not prepared to put my own feelings about my mother above those of my children, yes, they may be adults and can obviously see her if they want to, but if I am not mature enough to be able to deal with my feelings, that is hardly a good example for them in dealing with less than ideal situations within family dynamics, is it?

Just because my mother behaved so terribly is not an excuse in my book for me to make a problem for everyone else with my own behaviour and attitude. As I said, there are inevitably going to always be family occasions, I wouldn't want my children caught in the middle of what are my issues, not theirs, no matter how old they are.

enthusiasticsaver

As you say having a big family occasion so you can concentrate on other people is the least "worst option" if you want to mark the day in that way. If there is no atmosphere then I guess it is bearable even if the day is not perfect for you.


My family is all scattered all over the country so we don't really do the big get together for mothering sunday but I send cards and flowers to my mum who lives 250 miles away. I have received cards and presents from my two daughters but one is finishing her PHD and lives 200 miles away so I wouldn't want her to make the journey especially as I only saw her 2 weeks ago. My younger daughter is married and they alternate on mothers day and this year she is with her OH and his Mum 300 miles away and I am "cat sitting" for them. They popped in yesterday and I see them every week anyway as they live nearby. Next year she says they will be with me and she is expecting their first baby so will be a mum as well!


I don't really love or hate mothers day but I do love my mum and daughters but we just don't really do the big family get together due to physical distance between us all. We will all be together at Easter though which is in a few weeks time


I hope everyone has a nice day whether they mark Mothering Sunday or not.

dinosaur7

margaretclare wrote: »

It's really Mothering Sunday. The fourth Sunday in Lent, by tradition.

...or to those of us with difficult mothers who dislike the ritual... 'smothering Sunday'!

jp1964

Just some further thoughts on Slinky's post, having had contact with my mother on family occasions ever since my children were born, now they are all grown up I can hardly announce that from now on I won't see my mother because they are all big enough to go and see her themselves, is that not going to cause more upset to them, especially as my mother is now in her mid 80s, and occasions like tomorrow or Easter, Christmas, birthdays or just general family get togethers etc, they are going to then feel torn, really not an option, and as I say, I am mature enough to deal with it, upsetting though it can be, to my mind, me suddenly starting to put my foot down and not see her is a pretty immature and divisive thing to do.

I have dealt with it for the past 40 plus years, and I am sure as hell not going to start putting my own feelings before those of my children now. That is how my mother caused me all that pain in the first place, selfishness!

jp1964

dinosaur7 wrote: »

...or to those of us with difficult mothers who dislike the ritual... 'smothering Sunday'!

OOH, dont tempt me! :rotfl:

ellay864

I'm struggling this year - my mum was great but we were poles apart and I alwasy found it hard to show her much affection even though I loved her. She died in June so this is my first Mother's Day without her, and it's been hurting in the run up more than I expected it to...and not helped by the fact my eldest sone just clean forgot. Am guilt-tripping him by FB messenger right now! he's 23, it's the first time he's ever forgot and I feel like I'm ridulously over-reacting but it has really hurt

Slinky

jp1964 wrote: »

Just some further thoughts on Slinky's post, having had contact with my mother on family occasions ever since my children were born, now they are all grown up I can hardly announce that from now on I won't see my mother because they are all big enough to go and see her themselves, is that not going to cause more upset to them, especially as my mother is now in her mid 80s, and occasions like tomorrow or Easter, Christmas, birthdays or just general family get togethers etc, they are going to then feel torn, really not an option, and as I say, I am mature enough to deal with it, upsetting though it can be, to my mind, me suddenly starting to put my foot down and not see her is a pretty immature and divisive thing to do.

I have dealt with it for the past 40 plus years, and I am sure as hell not going to start putting my own feelings before those of my children now. That is how my mother caused me all that pain in the first place, selfishness!

I guess having lived with this charade for 40 years, you're stuck with it now forever, as you can't admit to your kids that you've been faking it for so long. I feel sorry for the situation you have found yourself in.


My mother once said to my Dad about 'having to remain friends' because of situations like weddings etc. I don't know why on earth she thought she'd be invited to my wedding. My OH has never met his MIL. He has a sister I have never met. Neither of us feel deprived from not having had a relationship with that person.


|I don't even know if my mother knows I'm married.