Mothers Day - love it and hate it

jp1964

I am so looking forward to having all my kids together on Sunday for a meal here, but although I love Mothers' Day for that reason, I hate it because I am forced to see my mother (not in the business of putting my own feelings on to my kids, she is their grandmother, and it is my issue, not theirs)

I hate the ritual of trawling through endless cards trying to find one that doesn't go on about what a wonderful mother she is or what she has done for me, it really hurts to have to find one that just says Happy Mothers' Day.

I hate having to listen to her playing the helpless old lady, and expecting everyone to do everything for her, and having to grit my teeth and not feel my hand itching to belt her one and tell her exactly what I think of her!

I hate the fact that she feels entitled to have what she has i.e contact with her daughter and grandchildren, and doesn't deserve any of it, and hasn't made one iota of effort to deserve it either, and has caused so much pain to me over the last 50 odd years.

The one thing that makes me put up with this ritual year after year is that I care about my kids and put them first (again, unlike the person who happened to give birth to me) and don't want them to know how deeply I hate her. I cover it up well, pass me an Oscar!

I have always tried to be the Mum to them that I never had, and I think, no, I know, that I have achieved that.

Not sure why I am even posting this, but it makes me feel ever so slightly better to let off steam.

Thanks for reading, sorry for ranting, and really sorry to anyone who might think that I am ungrateful or horrid, and who perhaps is wishing so much that their Mum was here for Mothers' Day.

I feel like that about my darling Dad, I wish every day that he was still here.

kpwll

I know exactly where you're coming from and most of what you're feeling, I still love my mother just don't like the person she was (she is now in a care home due to dementia and doesn't know who I am).
Enjoy your day with your kids, that's the most important. You've made sure history hasn't repeated itself.

pmlindyloo

Another one who knows exactly how you feel. Have also experienced the Mother's Day card rituals (I just could not be that hypocritical)

Agree that you are making sure that your kids are loved (and know it) so good for you.

It might help ( a bit!) to know that your experiences with your mum have made your children's lives 'richer' so perhaps gives thanks for that.

When my mum died (quite recently) I was able to derive some considerable comfort and, dare I say it, some thanks to her for giving me life and, in turn, giving me my wonderful children. Put simply, without her I wouldn't be here and neither would my children.

fairy_lights

How old are your kids? If they're all grown up themselves then they probably realise their grandma isn't a perfect sweet old lady anyway, and you don't need to protect them at your own expense. If you hate her to such an extent they will have picked up on it no matter how well you think you've hidden it.

Rebel_Cause

I know what you mean JP.

The woman who gave birth to me has made it clear that she did not want kids. She just had them to get a house and benefits. I am glad I have nothing to do with her and live hundreds of miles away from her. She just sees us as a meal ticket and only calls when she wants money and tries to emotionally blackmail us into giving her some because she gave birth to us. She is one of the reasons why I am glad not to have children .

My heart goes out to the people whose mothers are no longer with us. xx

McKneff

oh how sad that most of you have not experienced the true love of a mother.


It nearly brings tears to my eyes that your mothers have treated you like this.....


My mum has been dead many years but I still shed a single tear now and again and
miss her so much.....


Happy mothers day ladies xx


Annie

PurplePow

I know exactly what you mean jp!

Maureen43

I think a lot of the "special" days of the year are actually painful for many people as they only serve to highlight what society thinks they should have, but they actually don't.


So, those with no mother or a difficult relationship with their mother find Mothers' Day hard. I can understand that perfectly.


I personally find Christmas incredibly hard, as a single mother with two children. My kids spend roughly half the Christmas/New Year period with their father leaving me feeling, shall we say, somewhat short of the "Christmas Advert" version of Christmassy!

jp1964

fairy_lights wrote: »

How old are your kids? If they're all grown up themselves then they probably realise their grandma isn't a perfect sweet old lady anyway, and you don't need to protect them at your own expense. If you hate her to such an extent they will have picked up on it no matter how well you think you've hidden it.

You are right, they are all grown up (between 27 and 16), and are aware of what happened in the past, they are under no illusions in that respect, and I have been open and honest with the facts of the matter.

When I say I don't want to pass my issues on to them, I mean that if I had my way, I would have had nothing more to do with her, but it would not be fair to them as this is still their grandmother, so over the years I have had her over for every family occasion, my kids deserve those memories of her. I just don't think they totally realise the extent of my feelings, and why would they? They have not experienced what I did, thankfully.

They know some of my feelings about what she did to me as a child, but she hasn't done them any harm other than psychologically damaging their mother, so I keep the very worst of it from them.

They still love her, and do realise she is not the perfect sweet old lady, but it grates so much with me when she seems to think that they don't know what she is like and plays the 'helpless old lady' card.

jp1964

McKneff wrote: »

oh how sad that most of you have not experienced the true love of a mother.


It nearly brings tears to my eyes that your mothers have treated you like this.....


My mum has been dead many years but I still shed a single tear now and again and
miss her so much.....


Happy mothers day ladies xx


Annie

Thanks so much Annie, that means a lot. Sounds like you had a wonderful mother, I was lucky, I had a wonderful Dad who taught me all my mothering skills :rotfl:and I miss him so much.

It is sad that I have not experienced the true love of a mother, and sometimes it overwhelms me, like today, but I am lucky in so many other ways in my life.

Thanks again.

Rebel_Cause

jp1964 wrote: »

Thanks so much Annie, that means a lot. Sounds like you had a wonderful mother, I was lucky, I had a wonderful Dad who taught me all my mothering skills :rotfl:and I miss him so much.

It is sad that I have not experienced the true love of a mother, and sometimes it overwhelms me, like today, but I am lucky in so many other ways in my life.

Thanks again.

That is all that matters