Terrible Anxiety about House/Area

C_Mababejive

Great replies and i hope the input has gone some way to re-assure the OP. It seems the main issues are that OP is in the trade so to speak so has heightened awareness. This fuels anxiety with all its physical and mental consequences. Fight or flight...not good.

As others have said, OP needs to separate work from home and keep them separate.

If it gives reassurance,sure get a good burglar alarm and some nice attractive outside lights, not the garish prison camp 500w motion detectors !

That addresses the physical and work environment and now onto the mind.

Part of CBT in tackling anxiety and similar is the recognition of thought patterns. Someone said ..try to notice the good positive things in your community.


CBT will teach you that what is happening is that you are allowing your mind to write your own stories. Its about perception.

You see what is around you and because of your insight through work and other influences, your mind fills in the blanks and writes its own story. This story is showcased in your minds eye and hey presto,,its going to happen>you get ready for it happening>the primaeval animal fight or flight instinct kicks in> your mind revs up,,but alas like a mad dog tethered by a chain,,there is no where to go.

Even if you moved to a country cottage, to some extent,the same thing would happen. The storyline would just be different.

So learn to recognise those thought patterns and intercept them before they drive your mind..

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Brilliant-Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Lifeskills/dp/0273724908

DKLS

I would recommend checking out some of the CBT resources there is a good and growing evidence case using CBT for mild to moderate anxiety, there are some great free cbt resources for anxiety at Living life in the Uk and Moodzone.

If a move helps you with maintaining professional distance from your work go for it, my missus works in a similar sector and has to deal with the most horrific and distrubing cases, she has learnt how to leave it at the door.

I showed her a house on right move yesterday, her reaction, 'hell no! four of my patients are from there''

aileth

OP, you sound similar to me after a few months in our new house. We bought it like you, not really researching the area. All we could see was a lovely home, a family home in the future. For the first two years I was a nervous wreck. When I got off the tram, I would run to my house and lock myself indoors. If I heard a bang, I immediately thought someone was trying to break in. If I woke up during the night to any banging (which was always our cats), I'd lay there in a cold sweat.

We really didn't 'blend in', and everyone around us knew it (In my eyes at least!) We both come from fairly high working class to low middle class families, not a tracksuit in sight. I work/worked with the court system, my dad was a Police Officer and now also works within the courts, and some things I've dealt with really affected me more than they should.

It got worse when the neighbour across the road, who we were friends with, had paint thrown at her house, someone breaking in with a knife, and then threats to burn her house down when she and the kids were inside. This all happened because one of her lads, who had fairly severe learning disabilities, said something inappropriate in one of the other parent's presence.

I was seen talking to her one day and a group of seven year olds (yes, seven) said they were going to pick up my planter and smash it through my kitchen window.

We knew we couldn't sell. Not only would we lose a whole load of money, but it was shared ownership and they are certainly not the easiest to sell. Plus having a for sale sign up to me makes me feel like they 'won' and they realise intimidation works.

We stuck it out, even when there were serious knife incidents and gun crime down the road, house raids for drugs. We lived right next to a park, and instead of smelling lovely clean air, the only thing you could smell was cannabis.

Still here four years later and all the 'problem' families have either moved or no doubt been locked up. We keep ourselves to ourselves, and apart from a spate of attempted intimidation last year by a mother ordering her son to kick his football at our house and swearing at us over the fence, we've had nothing. Said mother soon stopped this when she realised she wasn't 'getting' to us.

I would probably go to your Doctor for the anxiety, but I would take a deep breath. When I was going through my nervous wreck phase in the house, time was a great healer. Now I'm 10 times as confident as before. I know nothing is going to happen, and if it does happen it's certainly not because we're in a 'bad' area, it's just bad luck! Get yourself a burglar alarm and/or CCTV to help reassure yourself.

EpsomOldie

I'm going to stick my neck out here. Although I agree with a lot of posters who have advised re options around staying / going on the home front, I think the root of the problem is the job.

I know that the OP finds it rewarding albeit challenging, and I've no doubt she's good at the job, professional, and tries to compartmentalise work from home.

However I think the incessant, relentless shi**iness of the human nature she experiences is dripping its poison into her psyche.

In a previous life I was the OP - not the exact nature of what she does, but not far off it. I was good at my job, worked hard, cared, continued page 94... But the revolving door of human horribleness got me in the end. As a previous poster said, it's a long way back from a breakdown. With hindsight I'm surprised that I made it out the other end at all and I look on it as one of the most pernicious episodes of my life.

There are a LOT of irredeemably horrible people out there, and just as bad, a lot of decent people being preyed on by the horrible ones. To be exposed continuously to it all and keep mentally healthy, I believe you need to be hard and tough and clinical, and be very light on the empathy - I don't think the OP is that person. She's good at the job but the job is not good for her.

Even with supervision and the associated blah blah provided by the employer (legally required for Health and Safety and employment law purposes rather than because it's effective at preventing harm to practitioners - cynical, moi?), I think the sooner that the OP transfers her undoubted skills to a less toxic 'customer base' the better for her. There are lots of groups of people who have been given the shi**y end of the stick in life and who can benefit from her skills but whose behaviour / values etc won't assault her mentally and take up residence in her head.

For the record, I come from a poor background, grew up in a Council flat etc as did most of my friends (then and now). There was low-life then too, however their behaviour was frowned upon by all including the poor, rather than deemed a lifestyle choice.

Just saying.

EO

duchy

I moved from a nice small town in Surrey to my current area . The social mix is definitely very different here -and there's a lot more social problems but in general people are friendlier and have a better attitude. Partly I believe because they are a lot less mobile and tend to have longer standing roots in the area. Compared with the "nicer" area people are a lot less insular -in the old area it wasn't uncommon to have never spoken to your neighbours, here everyone is on at the very least saying hello when passing terms.

That said part of your anxiety may be that the ten minute walk to work is simply too short -and you are finding it hard to seperate work and home.

It would probably worth accessing counselling (if your employer is any good it should be available through them due to the type of role you are in) but if it doesn't start to resolve you may need to decide if money or mental health is your priority and consider moving.

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

What utter carp some replies are. I'm sorry but I feel strongly about this topic.

I have friends who live in a council estate in a deprived area with a bad reputation. Do you know what its a perfectly pleasant place to live. People collect their dole in their PJs and wave and say hello when they pass - I'm not being sarcastic its true, they also say hello etc when they are at the supermarket in their pjs, even the local £1shop has its own security guard but I honestly would not mind living there. Its quiet and crime is low because they don't steal from people on their doorstep, its a scruffy and financially poor area with high unemployment but the people are nice and there's never any trouble.

Where the OP lives, like me, its an area being used by the council to house a lot of people with mental health problems, drug addicts, alcoholics and ex offenders. That is a completely different situation and some of the responses seem to not understand the difference.

I don't think being burgled is a big concern for the OP from how I'm interprreting their posts, its more a case of they are not blind to who is living around them and that is what is making them unhappy.

z.n

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Oh I really feel for you. I think honestly this is a problem to do with your work more than anything else. You sound like you're suffering from burnout or stress. Do you have any options to move job or any support available at your job? It sounds to me like the stress from your job is overspilling and causing you to feel anxious about your life generally. You need to think about this now. You've done well sitting down and articulating it all so clearly though.

I thought this too. A home is always potentially at risk of burglary etc wherever located. An alarm, decent locks etc are just common sense so put them in place anyway. But I think the real issue is the constant drain of dealing with complex emotionally confused clients.

It would be exceptional to get your dream home as your first home. The dream home may be two moves away- so try to stick it out for a bit and think about moving in a couple of years as you may then be able to afford a similar home in a slightly quieter location.

Rachylou1981

I agree with the posters who are blaming your job. I think because you have inside knowledge on the people in the area, you are creating anxiety and thinking up the 'what ifs' when there is no real need to do so. Unless you have had an incident whilst you've lived there (which it sounds like you haven't apart from the girl calling) then you are basically just scaring yourself for things that probably won't happen. I doubt these people will have any affect on your home at all. Do you know if anyone nearby has been burgled or had an incident?

Also, the girl calling on your door saying her phone was stolen could happen to any house anywhere in the country. It was her life story that upset you mostly and that is just natural when you haven't had the same kind of issues to face. Recently I had a gas man come to give a quote and he told me all about his rough upbringing and neighbourhood and I couldn't wait to get him out my door and bin the quote - and he worked within a professional registered company!

I also live in a deprived area and have done for 13 years. I bought the house because I loved it and I had friends in the area and I had no home roots due to moving around a lot. The streets are mainly taken up with landlord rentals and we have druggies and drunks and the like. We've had incidents with petrol bombing, a stabbing and shooting. However, I have good neighbours (mainly all bought houses) and I have never had one single bit of bother. Everyone in the area is friendly to me and I never feel afraid.

I was worried how my boyfriend would find it when he moved in with me as he was from a very good area. He has been totally fine and we are preparing to stay longer as living here is very cheap. We know there are rough people and dodgy goings on in some of the houses but they don't affect us and once we close our doors, we could be anywhere so unless we face something that makes us want to move, we are staying put.

Also, I have been burgled once, it was a house in a posh estate with great neighbours and neighbour watch etc. We were never happy there ever again and moved (I was a teen with parents).

spookalili

I am currently at work so can only reply quickly but I just wanted to say...you are all amazing and I am so grateful for you responses.

Thank you so much, everybody. I will give a longer response later!

grandma247

A friend had something like this
One of my family members lined up the friends recycling across their drive as a joke and as they finished their phone rang. It was the friend saying " Very funny,I can see what you've done, please put it all back, thanks"
He had seen it on his phone.

30 years ago I had a similar incident with a young woman knocking on my door at 2am. She was being followed by someone. She stayed for a while and told me all her troubles then just got up and left. Never saw or heard from her again but there was also nothing in the papers to say anything untoward had happened. We did not have a house phone so could not call the police for her.

This kind of thing can happen to anyone any time. Had I been on my own I might have been reluctant to let her in though even back then.

SuzieSue

There is social housing in the corner of the estate where I live (it was built 17 years ago and so it was a requirement). There are people with mental health and other problems who live there, a few yards from my house, and although I was worried about it when I first moved in, now I don't even think about it and it only occurred to me to add it to your thread when I was speaking to my husband about your thread and he reminded me.

I was in the hairdressers the other day and we were talking about her son buying a flat in a area which doesn't have a great reputation. We then started talking about other areas and she said that a lot of people say that they would never live in Mxxxx Street (which is where the social housing is). She was really embarrassed when I said that that was where I lived.

Also, my friend moved in to a 5 bedroom detached house several years ago which was around the corner from a drug re-habilitation unit and was concerned about it but has not had any problems.