Terrible Anxiety about House/Area

spookalili

C_Mababejive wrote: »

This truly is what Britain and live in Britain has become for so many people. Quality of life is marred by anxiety about anti social behaviour and crime be it burglary or damage/theft of motor vehicles.

The miscreants are mostly untouchable and no one can do anything about them.

Is it really that bad for people in other European countries? I dont believe so..

I think if you cant even live in peace in your own home..well to me,there is no point in living at all.

This is exactly it...I work with people every day who have been convicted repeatedly for burglary, theft, GBH, etc and absolutely none of them have any kind of remorse. It is always somebody else's fault, never theirs. At the most they receive a short sentence (which is often preferable to life on the outside anyway) and then they're outside again to commit more crime.

Somebody I work with was burgled by two men. One of which was stupid enough to use a mobile phone he had stolen to upload a photo onto a social networking site which resulted in his arrest and conviction. As he knew exactly where the phone had been stolen from, he then began threatening the family because they were pressing charges. It destroyed the family and it was awful to see...he has committed the office and ruined their lives, but he was blaming them for him getting caught!

I do understand crime is everywhere...there is no place in the UK which is free from it, even the most affluent areas. I feel my current career is causing me to focus more on the issues.

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Oh I really feel for you. I think honestly this is a problem to do with your work more than anything else. You sound like you're suffering from burnout or stress. Do you have any options to move job or any support available at your job? It sounds to me like the stress from your job is overspilling and causing you to feel anxious about your life generally. You need to think about this now. You've done well sitting down and articulating it all so clearly though.

Thank you so much...I was worried it was going to come out as a garbled mess! I actually started this role around six months ago and I love the job. I find it challenging and very interesting and have had a lot of past experience in the area, so it's something I feel I was almost born to do! I wouldn't want to leave the role, as I think I'd feel even worse if I found a new job I didn't like and was still experiencing a feeling of dread from living here. Again, I hope this makes sense.

going_nowhere_fast

Move, accept you didn't pick a great location and move on.

You say you have lots of equity in your house so I'm presuming this is possible.

Like you I live in an area where unemployment is high, so is drug and drink dependency. Its a lifestyle choice for people where I live and its awful. The council keep housing people with mental health problems and addictions in the area - it is now at a stupid level but the council think its better to house everyone with problems together because its easier for them to deal with (they off support services to many people) and are completely ignorant to the fact that housing so many people with problems together in one area means an area goes in to a sharp decline and working owner occupiers sell up. The only owner occupiers that are here are ones that can't afford to sell up.

I don't think its your job causing you to feel the way you do, I think its because you can see the reality of the area you live. Some people are blind to things going on around them, to some people what they see around them is the norm because they see it on a daily basis, some simply accept the area they live even if they can see its unpleasant and other people simply want better in life. I'm the latter and it sounds like you are too.

I love my physical house and the area I live has lots of lovely open spaces and parks, great amenities, fine for transport BUT these things are unimportant when compared to the fact that the area houses a huge number of people with mental health and addiction problems. In my area the volumr of people with problems is so high that properties are being built to house just them, houses are being bought by the council again just to house people with problems, there is now even a school for children from problem families. The area has declined very very quickly and so has the value of my house. Needless to say I am saving to move.

Better a little rundown house in a nice area than a lovely house in a bad one.

spookalili

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

Move, accept you didn't pick a great location and move on.

You say you have lots of equity in your house so I'm presuming this is possible.

Like you I live in an area where unemployment is high, so is drug and drink dependency. Its a lifestyle choice for people where I live and its awful. The council keep housing people with mental health problems and addictions in the area - it is now at a stupid level but the council think its better to house everyone with problems together because its easier for them to deal with (they off support services to many people) and are completely ignorant to the fact that housing so many people with problems together in one area means an area goes in to a sharp decline and working owner occupiers sell up. The only owner occupiers that are here are ones that can't afford to sell up.:-)

I don't think its your job causing you to feel the way you do, I think its because you can see the reality of the area you live. Some people are blind to things going on around them, to some people what they see around them is the norm because they see it on a daily basis, some simply accept the area they live even if they can see its unpleasant and other people simply want better in life. I'm the latter and it sounds like you are too.

I love my physical house and the area I live has lots of lovely open spaces and parks, great amenities, fine for transport BUT these things are unimportant when compared to the fact that the area houses a huge number of people with mental health and addiction problems. In my area the volumr of people with problems is so high that properties are being built to house just them, houses are being bought by the council again just to house people with problems, there is now even a school for children from problem families. The area has declined very very quickly and so has the value of my house. Needless to say I am saving to move.

Better a little rundown house in a nice area than a lovely house in a bad one.

This sounds pathetic but I almost cried when I read your response. This is exactly it. Exactly.

I make referrals to various supported living accommodation for people who have substance misuse or an offending history. Obviously these buildings do not advertise themselves but at work, I do have access to their addresses and started to realise they were all quite close to my current home. Not next door but probably less than half a mile. We also have housing behind us which is for those who are living with mental health issues and are hoping to live independently - something I truly support (and have involvement in!) but do not want to experience first hand.

I'm trying my very best to keep my chin up because the idea of having to put the house up for sale, wait for that to happen, then move, absolutely fills me with dread. I keep thinking if I hold out, eventually something inside me will change. It took our vendor a total of two years to sell (although this could be do with the fact it was overpriced and falling apart!) and I couldn't deal with worrying about whether it would sell or not.

I cannot thank you enough for your reply...it makes me feel as though what I'm feeling is somewhat normal. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret buying in this area. I love being at home but I hate that gut-wrenching feeling of walking home and worrying what I'll see.

Last week in town on my lunch break, I was feeling quite positive, walked to the shop for a sandwich and saw a man laying on a bench, speaking gibberish while a number of people all dressed in tracksuits with prams and cigarettes were watching him. He was clearing having some kind of episode but people were laughing at him...no support, no nothing, just a depressing scene which made me want to cry.

Again...just saying that makes me feel like a judgmental a**e, but it's so true.

C_Mababejive

spookalilli ,,i think that what is happening is that your mind is too busy. Its rev counter is in the red zone and it is driven by anxiety.

So what is causing it? well it could be worked related or other issues.

What you need to do is sit quietly and breathe a little. Quieten your mind.

Think about this,,in your area just look around. There are other people living there,families,ordinary people just like you. Its a liveable area,,other people live there.

So maybe the issue is partly the area nad partly you but what proportion?

May i recommend that you focus on quietening your mind,learn relaxation techniques. At a basic level just sit in a quiet room,close your eyes,clear your mind and breathe deeply and rhythmically.

If necessary drive out somewhere quiet in the country and do it.

Also get a used copy of brilliant CBT by Dr stephen briars...its,,err,, brilliant.

purpleshoes_2

I live in one of the worst areas in my home town, have done for years and its had its moments, but Ive only ever had issues with neighbours, never with being burgled or attempted. I have CCTV at my front door and theres CCTV outside.

My mum lives in a better part of town and people have tried to break into her home more than once.

I also worked with people who were disadvantaged for a long time, when I did have neighbour issues I felt like I dealt with crisis at work and then had issues at home.

Now Ive changed jobs I don't have the work stress. You are right that you could move and the anxiety could still be there.

C_Mababejive

purpleshoes wrote: »

I live in one of the worst areas in my home town, have done for years and its had its moments, but Ive only ever had issues with neighbours, never with being burgled or attempted. I have CCTV at my front door and theres CCTV outside.

My mum lives in a better part of town and people have tried to break into her home more than once.

I also worked with people who were disadvantaged for a long time, when I did have neighbour issues I felt like I dealt with crisis at work and then had issues at home.

Now Ive changed jobs I don't have the work stress. You are right that you could move and the anxiety could still be there.

There is much in what you say purpleshoes. I rented a house on a council estate for years. People used to almost deride me and question why i lived there but you know,not once did i suffer burglary or any similar crime. t was generally peaceful. Even the family next door used to shush their kids up and once said to me.." i tell them not to make much noise as i know you are up early for work..". I moved some years ago to what i thought was a better area and i wish i never had moved. I have suffered more her than ever i did before.

belfastgirl23

The other thing that sounds kind of bonkers but can be quite helpful is to train yourself to also notice good things. Notice the child who behaves, the older couple holding hands, the dogs chasing balls, the shopkeeper helping someone with their bags. These things are all part of our landscape as well but sometimes our minds become much more attuned to the other stuff. I read this somewhere as finding things to approve of. Sometimes life is what you notice. It sounds a bit trite but is true. And does help me sometimes. I think even more so for someone in your position who is dealing with the darker side of life a lot of the time.

tomtontom

You are being judgemental, but there's nothing wrong with that - if we're honest aren't we all?

My experience of the more deprived areas in Nottingham is that whilst they have their problems with crime and anti social behaviour, they generally have a great sense of community. I do some charity work and the majority of volunteers are from the less affluent areas, they want to support each other. Are there any groups you could join? It might give you confidence if you know a wider variety of people nearby.

Snakey

I'd sell up and move. It's never a good idea to live too close to work anyway, you need some level of mental separation between the two lives. Working with the general public can make this even more important. You don't want some stupid altercation following you home.

I don't see it as snobbery - I can't imagine poor or disadvantaged people want to encounter thugs on their way to the shops or syringes in their gardens or people trying to break in to their homes either - it's a perfectly normal and universal point of view. Everybody needs to feel comfortable and safe when they're at home, and that must count double if you are in a job where you could potentially be unsafe from time to time. Snobbery is people who've always lived in affluent suburbs and nice country villages and look shocked and just a little bit horrified when I say I live on a council estate - not because they know something bad about the estate, but because they know what they think about council estates and the sort of people who live there, even if they've never set foot in one.

Once you have a breakdown I don't think you ever fully get over it. So don't get yourself to that stage over a few thousand quid.

going_nowhere_fast

What utter carp some replies are. I'm sorry but I feel strongly about this topic.

I have friends who live in a council estate in a deprived area with a bad reputation. Do you know what its a perfectly pleasant place to live. People collect their dole in their PJs and wave and say hello when they pass - I'm not being sarcastic its true, they also say hello etc when they are at the supermarket in their pjs, even the local £1shop has its own security guard but I honestly would not mind living there. Its quiet and crime is low because they don't steal from people on their doorstep, its a scruffy and financially poor area with high unemployment but the people are nice and there's never any trouble.

Where the OP lives, like me, its an area being used by the council to house a lot of people with mental health problems, drug addicts, alcoholics and ex offenders. That is a completely different situation and some of the responses seem to not understand the difference.

I don't think being burgled is a big concern for the OP from how I'm interprreting their posts, its more a case of they are not blind to who is living around them and that is what is making them unhappy.