Terrible Anxiety about House/Area

NoGoodNamesLeft

You sound really apologetic for wanting something better for yourself, but it's natural to want to feel like you fit in and it really doesn't seem like this area is a good match for you.

I would always choose a smaller house in a better area - in fact, I just have!
We are in the process of moving away from a town that, although it has many good qualities, doesn't really make us feel like we fit in with the general mindset. We are going from a house to a smaller flat in a tiny village in the countryside. We chose it because we fit in there - I'm outdoorsey and interested in wildlife and conservation and my husband loves astronomy (difficult in bright towns) and animals.

You need to feel part of your community, wherever that is. It's not judgemental to be different than those around you or to want different things from life. I hope you find what you need to be happy

spookalili

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I don't think being burgled is a big concern for the OP from how I'm interprreting their posts, its more a case of they are not blind to who is living around them and that is what is making them unhappy.

Bingo. I have lived in large cities which are obviously rife with crime, poverty, addicts, etc and never once gave it a second thought. I understand that society is made up of people from all walks of life and there are those whose vulnerability require more support than others. This is what I have chosen to do as a career, after all!

However, living in close proximity to these people, reading their files, speaking to them, being shouted at by them and generally having a more in-depth knowledge about the area and what goes on...that is what is making me so uncomfortable. I have people who come to me for advise and tell me their life was threatened by a local dealer, then go on to tell me their postcode which is a couple of miles away at most. A dealer kicking my door down is not something I have ever had to deal with first hand but the fact this kind of thing is happening relatively close to me is what makes me worry that this isn't the right area for me long term.

spookalili

You have all been so wonderful...just writing this thread and reading the replies has made me feel like I can at least cope for the time being.

I think the longterm plan is to focus on making this house into a home, to my myself feel better. Hopefully this will add some value to the house too and make it look prettier (the original owner hadn't done much to it before we bought it), which means that if things do get worse or anything else happens, we should be able to sell without much difficulty.

I'm going to speak to the flats and see if I can join their Neighbourhood Watch and maybe rope in a few of my neighbours here on the ground, to try and get a bit more community spirit going! I'll also get an alarm fitted to act as a deterrent (although I must add, we have not been burgled so far and the people here before us had lived here for 16yrs and only had their garage done over once!).

I'll also speak to my employer if my feelings don't improve - they may be able to offer me more support in my current role.

I would love to move to a quiet house somewhere but right now, it isn't the best option for us. Our house is convenient for work and amazingly large, perfect for a family. Area doesn't tend to become an issue until children are a few years old, so I'll try to be more relaxed about starting a family here.

Your responses have helped me think about things from a logical angle and knowing other people have been through similar issues is very reassuring. Thank you

going_nowhere_fast

I've calmed down now! The topic of this thread is just too close to home for me.

SuzieSue

I do feel for you, but as someone said below, I think that you need to try to concentrate on the positives rather than the negatives.

You say that your immediate neighbours are lovely - you are very lucky, thousands of people have nightmare neighbours.

Burglaries can happen anywhere - just because you live near a deprived area (like I do) does not mean you are more likely to be burgled.

I think getting a burglar alarm is a very good idea. It encourages a burglar to move to an easier target. Where I live, it is only the houses without burglar alarms which have been burgled.

jackyann

OP - you have some good replies here, and I'm glad you found them helpful.

I too was in a similar situation a long time ago. I too remember the feeling that I couldn't escape being "needed", but fortunately we were able to move.

What kind of supervision / support do you get at work? I wondered if taking some time there to make sure that you get support may make you less anxious generally.

You sound like a caring and helpful person, and I hope that you can find a way of managing this.

vulpix

You can move.Money doesn't matter,your mental health does.I bought the wrong house and sold it for less than I paid but I looked on it as the money I would have paid if I was renting.You can also step back from your work.I worked with teenagers and got to the point where I needed a drink to sleep at night.I found a job I loved with no stress.It can be done.Good luck
x

jc808

mate my first house was in a right hole but my house now is in a really nice area. Stayed for 4 years.

I would say get another job in another sector and let the scum fend for themselves.

going_nowhere_fast

vulpix wrote: »

I bought the wrong house and sold it for less than I paid but I looked on it as the money I would have paid if I was renting
x

I'm going to do this, thanks. Everyone I know made money on their house, I'm the only one who made a loss.

Kaye1

Ring the local police- they will come round and have a look to see if your house is secure. You may have to wait a while but they will get to you- our local community officer does this.