Making a show of leaving child when going out

onlyroz

My son attended two nurseries. With the first one you took the child into the room and waited with them until a staff member was free, resulting in many tearful farewells and kids tugging at mummy or daddy's clothing etc etc. In the second you handed them over at the front door and went on your way. The second set-up was by far better for both the parents and the children.

To the OP - if you're going round to people's houses to babysit perhaps you can try and immediately engage the child in some activity so that they're busy when the parent has finished their preparations to leave. This might give them less opportunity to do the whole clingy tearful farewell if the child is already up to their elbows in paint and glitter.

browneyedbazzi

I do usually sit down with the little one and play with him so he is occupied and happy when it is time for his mum to go. Once I even did his dinner and was feeding him (he likes eating!). The issue is that when he's happy and distracted mum interrupts and makes a big deal about going which upsets him - if she didn't he would be absolutely fine. I don't understand why she does it but it happens almost every time.

[Deleted User]

Can you not explain this to the parent and maybe say (if its true) that's it putting you off babysitting for them, as its un-necessarily making your job harder.

mgdavid

it's the over-dramatisation of parenting , which seems to somehow be de rigeur these days. Come to think of it, along with so much else of people's lives.

Snakey

My mother tells various stories about what a horrible child (in a light-hearted way) I was, and one of them is that when she left me at playgroup all the other kids would be crying and clinging on to their mothers but I'd just be sitting quite happily on the floor playing pick-up monkeys or whatever and my reaction would be the 1970's equivalent of "yeah, whatevs" if she interrupted me to tell me she was going now. She said it made her worry that the playgroup leaders must think she was knocking me about behind closed doors or something! Despite the jokey nature of that last sentence I got the feeling that she did think it reflected badly on her that I didn't care at all that she was leaving.

So I wonder if she's showing off to you, as much as anything? Like, see how close my child is to *me* (and would rather be with me than with you)?

gettingtheresometime

Snakey wrote: »

My mother tells various stories about what a horrible child (in a light-hearted way) I was, and one of them is that when she left me at playgroup all the other kids would be crying and clinging on to their mothers but I'd just be sitting quite happily on the floor playing pick-up monkeys or whatever and my reaction would be the 1970's equivalent of "yeah, whatevs" if she interrupted me to tell me she was going now. She said it made her worry that the playgroup leaders must think she was knocking me about behind closed doors or something! Despite the jokey nature of that last sentence I got the feeling that she did think it reflected badly on her that I didn't care at all that she was leaving.

Our son did this when his Dad dropped him off on his 'taster' day at nursery many many moons ago .....but was made all the more worse when his Dad came to pick him up, our son refused to leave lol!

enthusiasticsaver

Personally when I left my two daughters when they were little either at a friends, childminders, nursery or school I would find that a quick brisk goodbye and see you later was sufficient and I was always reassured that even if they were reluctant to see me go the nursery, childminder would always say they soon settled afterwards. I am not sure I would have been comfortable just disappearing so always made sure they knew I was going and that I would be coming back.


If parents make a big fuss on leaving that is just unnecessarily unsettling for the child and probably more to do with the parent wanting to feel missed and needed which is very selfish and not at all the way I would have wanted to behave with my children . Getting them to embrace new people, places and situations is part of helping them grow up even when quite young.

FBaby

Why??? Is it about feeling needed/loved? Is it a bit of spite towards the person who's left behind to settle the little one? Is it just so difficult to leave a child when going out for a couple of hours? I don't get it!

No offense, but I don't think you get it until you become a parent yourself and suddenly realise that the life of your child is more worthy to you than your own. You are attached to this little thing so much (and sometimes beyond what you can cope with!) and so build such a strong attachment bond that yes, leaving your children even for a few hours can really be tough.

I really really don't think parent do enjoy seeing their kids cry seeing them leaving, on the opposite, but they kind of can't help themselves.

I do totally agree that it doesn't do the child any favours though and it is something that as a parent, you have to learn to cope with, ie. letting your treasured belonging go and accepting they are a being of their own. It comes more naturally for some parents than others, but it is an instinctive natural response to being a parent.

anmarj

my wee son who is 2, often says goodbye before I have even got him in the door of the childminders!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You never saw my youngest for the cloud of dust she kicked up, heading for nursery. Trouble was, the rules were that you had to take them inside and get them started on an activity before you could leave, so she was less than impressed that I and the other Mums were still there, cramping her style as she wanted to go and play with the two giant boys (she was tiny) that were her best mates. Especially as quite a few of the mums seemed to think that boys and girls should play with their own gender, so, add that to the 'shocking' sight of her not wanting to cling on and screech and I think they decided very early on that we weren't quite respectable enough for their little princesses.

I did think a couple of times that mine couldn't get rid of me quickly enough, but it was better than the howling and gnashing of teeth some seemed to thrive on - most of the mums who experienced that went and got jobs working in the school over the next couple of years.