School, sickness, work... Arrggghh

GwylimT

Why can't your partner take time off work to look after her of arrange childcare?

I get 0 compassionate days per year, when my first wife died I almost lost my job for taking a day off, personally as a parent I am unable to be a good parent unless I can afford to raise my children, therefore if my work isn't a priority then my children aren't a priority.

If she has been having headaches she needs a doctors appointment and an eye test, if she is given the all clear she needs medication that can be stored at school and given with your permission. If she appeara fine when you get her home, take her straight back to school unless she does have something infectious.

If she isn't genuinely ill there is a reason she is wanting time off, you need to get to the bottom of it to make sure she is happy and her education isn't being compromised.

greenbee

My previous employer provided 5 days dependents leave. In general the advice was to use AL for family emergencies where possible and save this leave up in case AL ran out before the end of the year and it was needed. This was often appreciated when winter bugs started appearing...

Luckily flexible working generally meant that part-days used to deal with family problems could be made up, as did homeworking facilities. There are a lot of jobs where people can be flexible - the work can be done outside working hours/from home as long as deadlines are met; meetings can be joined by teleconference (just need to be quick on the mute button if there's background noise or you're dealing with sickness or the resultant cleaning up) etc. I have colleagues who aren't available at school run time, tea time, bath time, bedtime etc as they have small children who need supervising - but will then be available late. It suits them, and can actually help the team as it gives us a longer working day to get things done in.

Maybe the OP could discuss options with her boss, or look for a different role where flexibility is built into the nature of the job, not just through legislation or policy?

mrsHall2b

I was always sent to school, and generally if left to it at school you forget about it and feel better! i do the same with sassy at nursery now, unless she has physically been sick shes going to nursery!
and if she had pretended to have been sick i would be turning right around taking her back and telling them she hadn't actually been sick! yes maybe its harsh, but as you get older and start working you cant have the day off for a headache..

carmina_piranha

In addition to getting her eyes tested, if she is prone to headaches it might be worth checking if she faces the window in school. In year 3 I used to vomit a lot and had migraines almost constantly until my GP suggested asking if I could face away from the window in school, and it solved the problem.

springdreams

alias*alibi wrote: »

Unfortunately my parents don't live in this country and DH's parents live 45 miles away and don't drive and most of my friends work. It's a difficult situation and not ideal hence why I need to find solutions. However, councils do let their employees take family friendly, it's never been an issue with previous managers.

Edited to say I'm going to get firmer with the school I think. Their policy is children should be sent to school unless they have been physically sick which is what I did this morning; but then took DD's word that she had been sick and immediately rung to get her collected banning her to return for 48 hours.

It might also be worth telling your DD that if you keep having to take time off of work when she is not really ill then you will have no leave left to take when she is really ill, or to go on family holidays. Hopefully she will think twice before claiming to be ill when she is not.

In addition to the eye test that has been suggested you might want to also have her teeth checked. Small cavities can also cause headaches.

FBaby

It might also be worth telling your DD that if you keep having to take time off of work when she is not really ill then you will have no leave left to take when she is really ill, or to go on family holidays. Hopefully she will think twice before claiming to be ill when she is not.

Sorry but I wouldn't say that. It's the mistake I made and it left with my children not daring tell me they felt really ill the times they were. It's hard enough as adults to know how likely we are to be able to get through the day when we wake up feeling poorly, let alone a child.

I realised the pressure I unvoluntary put on my kids when I took DS to A&E and he saw the look of relief when he was told that he had broken his arm because he then knew he hadn't wasted my time. We did talk about it and laugh it off after I apologised to him but it really made me realised that although it is important to me that my kids don't think they can stay home at the slightest ailments, it is as important that they feel protected and cared for and they shouldn't feel pressured to be stronger than they really are.

springdreams

FBaby wrote: »

Sorry but I wouldn't say that. It's the mistake I made and it left with my children not daring tell me they felt really ill the times they were. It's hard enough as adults to know how likely we are to be able to get through the day when we wake up feeling poorly, let alone a child.

I realised the pressure I unvoluntary put on my kids when I took DS to A&E and he saw the look of relief when he was told that he had broken his arm because he then knew he hadn't wasted my time. We did talk about it and laugh it off after I apologised to him but it really made me realised that although it is important to me that my kids don't think they can stay home at the slightest ailments, it is as important that they feel protected and cared for and they shouldn't feel pressured to be stronger than they really are.

All well and fine, but children also need to learn about crying wolf.

The OPs DD was not ill, and it would seem that is not the first time she claimed to be when she was not. By letting her continue to do this what lesson is she learning??

She needs to understand that there are consequences for both her and her mom if the OP has to leave work for a child who simply does not want to be at school.

FBaby

She needs to understand that there are consequences for both her and her mom if the OP has to leave work for a child who simply does not want to be at school.

I agree with the principle, not your methods. I don't think making a child feel guilty and anxious (they might blow it out of proportion in their mind as kids tend to do) is ever much productive.

I would rather ask her why she said she had been sick when she wasn't. It might be that she felt very sick and got scared of being sick in the classroom and be embarrassed and was therefore desperate to go home.

If you felt like you were about to be sick in an open office, knowing that your colleagues would make fun of you when you did and your boss would maybe tell you off, wouldn't you want to be removed from the environment? Maybe you would just hide in the toilets, but it is not an option for a young pupil.

DS school dealt with it well. They always encouraged DS to speak to me if he thought he wasn't well, so that helped, although unfortunately, he had become so resilient about making it until the end of the day that I didn't pick up from our quick talk how much in pain he was, and that day I realised that you can take teaching the lesson too far.

Jagraf

FBaby wrote: »

Sorry but I wouldn't say that. It's the mistake I made and it left with my children not daring tell me they felt really ill the times they were. It's hard enough as adults to know how likely we are to be able to get through the day when we wake up feeling poorly, let alone a child.

I realised the pressure I unvoluntary put on my kids when I took DS to A&E and he saw the look of relief when he was told that he had broken his arm because he then knew he hadn't wasted my time. We did talk about it and laugh it off after I apologised to him but it really made me realised that although it is important to me that my kids don't think they can stay home at the slightest ailments, it is as important that they feel protected and cared for and they shouldn't feel pressured to be stronger than they really are.

Ha Ha yes I know what you mean. DD is nearly 16 and the things she remembers are generally me not believing her when she said she was unwell. It comes back to haunt me time and time again.

TBagpuss

alias*alibi wrote: »

This is one of my issues; I shouldn't have to as we have a family friendly policy for this very reason but I don't get a choice to exercise it. Hence my stress trying to keep everyone happy and not rock the boat.

To be honest, it wouldn't matter if I took it unpaid, worked from home, took annual leave etc. The problem is not being at work and taking time off to look after DD that seems to be the issue..

What about your husband? Your workplace is entitled to expect that your DH takes an equal role - he has a right to ask for unpaid family leave (time of for family and dependents) in emergencies just as you do, It sounds as though at the moment, your DH looks after DD if he is not working, but does not ask for family leave if he is working, so your employers are bearing an unfair share of the burden. The right is to take reasonable time off, and where there are two working parents it would normally be reasonable to expect them to share the responsibility - Your employer would be entitled to ask about this and to expect that your partner is taking the leave at least half the time.

Obviously you are in an awkward position, particularly if your DH or his employers are less aware of the rules.

It may be helpful if when you make the request to your manager, you also mention if your DH has already taken time off to cover a similar emergency, so they are aware that the task is being shared.