Elderly parents, do they drive you mad!

Tuesday_Tenor

lessonlearned wrote: »

Update.

Mum died yesterday, it was gentle and peaceful, so a good death.

Have cancelled dads proceedure, and had a meeting with his GP for a medicine review.

Sympathy for the sad time you're going through.

My father had to go through a course of radiotherapy for a minor skin cancer a few months after my Mum died. At the time it was quite a hassle with daily trips to the hospital, after the busyness around the funeral etc. In retrospect though, I realised it gave us, especially Dad, another focus after the funeral, admin and the worst of the shock/grief were over and life would have been very empty/flat for him. Sort of helped us move on a bit; hope you find the same.

hostertlady

pendragon_arther wrote: »

God bles you all. I looked after my mum after she had a stroke in Bahli at 79. She loved to travel and would often stay in hostels. She died a couple of years ago aged 91 and was very difficult at times. She could be demanding and forgetful and repetitive.

They say you finally grow up when you've forgiven your parents for all their misgivings.

If your patience isn't great and you get exasperated have a look for local support groups so at least you can chat to others to de-stress.

I doubt I will ever grow up then...dad died aged 52 but mum is 87 now and still as demanding as ever, expecting me to do this that and the other for her when I have work, children and a grand child on the way..she is the only one that can make me feel like a child again and burdens me with such guilt, I know I have nothing to feel guilty about, I do my best but it's not good enough................
x

Ilovemoneysaving

hostertlady wrote: »

I doubt I will ever grow up then...dad died aged 52 but mum is 87 now and still as demanding as ever, expecting me to do this that and the other for her when I have work, children and a grand child on the way..she is the only one that can make me feel like a child again and burdens me with such guilt, I know I have nothing to feel guilty about, I do my best but it's not good enough................
x

This did resonate with me! I do know how you feel about the not good enough, but I think that is how I feel not my Mum!

JackieO, you sound great, I think the difference is that you have your own life, I do wish Mum had a circle of friends to talk about the old days with, but if I mention going to them or perhaps a meal out she always says " but how will I get there?" or I don't think they would like that. If I suggest a taxi, I get told how expensive they are! Bit of tongue biting..........best to leave it there.
Can I just ask, at what point are your bowel habits of interest to anyone else other than your doctor? Is there a switch in our minds after the menopause that makes it important :rotfl:

lessonlearned

Bowel habits :rotfl::rotfl:

I nearly spat out my tea all over my keyboard.

Re the not bring good enough.. Yep been there. My mum accepted me warts and all, but I have never been good enough for my dad. Nothing I do is right.

I gave up on trying to please him a long time ago. I just smile sweetly and ignore him. Drives him crazy but works best for me.

He is happy enough to let me sort out his paperwork though..........

margaretclare

Ilovemoneysaving wrote: »

This did resonate with me! I do know how you feel about the not good enough, but I think that is how I feel not my Mum!

JackieO, you sound great, I think the difference is that you have your own life, I do wish Mum had a circle of friends to talk about the old days with, but if I mention going to them or perhaps a meal out she always says " but how will I get there?" or I don't think they would like that. If I suggest a taxi, I get told how expensive they are! Bit of tongue biting..........best to leave it there.
Can I just ask, at what point are your bowel habits of interest to anyone else other than your doctor? Is there a switch in our minds after the menopause that makes it important :rotfl:

If there's a change in bowel habit this can be a warning sign. Colon cancer etc is very difficult to detect. Some experts are now saying that everyone after the 50s or so should have sigmoidoscopy/colonoscopy to exclude any problems.

There has been another thread on the Families board about using/not using taxis for older people as opposed to demanding that younger descendants drive long distances round trip to take parents where they want to go. Apparently there are people who've lived 80+ years and never yet used a taxi.

Ilovemoneysaving

Margaretclare, I get your point but I really meant describing when you went, how many times you went, what it looked like, how it felt! :shocked:

margaretclare

Ilovemoneysaving wrote: »

Margaretclare, I get your point but I really meant describing when you went, how many times you went, what it looked like, how it felt! :shocked:

Er no, certainly not. Except that, as I said, if there has really been a recent change then it needs investigating. I've been going through similar investigations myself recently which is how I know. But I wouldn't dream of discussing the details of it.

Ilovemoneysaving

Margaretclare, exactly,keep it to yourself, unless there is something you feel you should discuss with your doctor, not just whether you have "been" or not!
Oh dear maybe it's just my Mum then!

Errata

Ilovemoneysaving wrote: »

Margaretclare, I get your point but I really meant describing when you went, how many times you went, what it looked like, how it felt! :shocked:

I took it as some people as they get older natter on about bowels, operations, medication, what the doctor said to me blah blah blah and it made me laugh.;)

margaretclare

Errata wrote: »

I took it as some people as they get older natter on about bowels, operations, medication, what the doctor said to me blah blah blah and it made me laugh.;)

Yes, I agree that *some* older people do discuss medical details at great length. When we used to go to the Methodist Church there was a group of 3 of them sat on the back row and it was always 'been to the doctor, changed my tablets.....' and so on. The last time DH and I came back across the Channel we encountered a couple looking like our age-group, and instantly the woman backed me into a corner (we were looking for the refreshment area!) and I got her husband's entire medical history in about 3 minutes flat. I was a complete stranger!! It's fatal to ask someone 'how are you?' unless you want it all, book, chapter and verse. DH always says 'Never felt better in me life' and that usually shuts them up. Insides, though, are a different matter, far more embarrassing than a few tablets.