Elderly parents, do they drive you mad!

Muppet81

Lesson learned - So sorry you are having such a difficult time.
When things get to this stage, we question why we ever got cross or aggravated with our Golden Oldies .... but we are all only human. You sound like a wonderful daughter. Thinking about you. Stay strong and look after yourself through all that is going on in your life. xx


I lovemoneysaving ... As an only child myself, I know what you mean about having a sibling to share things with. I then look at some of my friends who do have siblings and see that when things get tough, sometimes those siblings make things worse rather than better. xx

lessonlearned

Mum had a couple of lucid moments today. She opened her eyes, recognised me and smiled. She held my gaze for several minutes. It was lovely. I reckon we've got just another couple of days now at most.

Dad is being a bit of Pita but then then that's usual for him. I just ignore it.....

lessonlearned

Update.

Mum died yesterday, it was gentle and peaceful, so a good death.

Have cancelled dads proceedure, and had a meeting with his GP for a medicine review. That will do for now, his heart condition is not life threatening.

I'm no medic but it doesn't take a genius to work out that dad is under extreme stress and now grief will play it's part too. He's 89 so obviously he's not going to bounce back, but try telling him that.:rotfl:

Anyway ive now got a funeral to plan.

Mum as I knew her died a long time ago, the dementia had already taken her from us. I'm going to put all that behind me and remember her as she as was - wise, witty and wonderful and yes stubborn and obstinate, but it was her very obstinancy and strong will that made her a strong woman.

Celebrate your strong willed, obstinate, cantankerous elderly parents, they might annoy you at times with their odd habits and quirks,but remember you too will take after them, if you are lucky.

Old age is a priivaledge which some are denied. As my FIL is wont to say "old age ain't much fun, but It sure beats the alternative"

whitesatin

lessonlearned wrote: »

Update.

Mum died yesterday, it was gentle and peaceful, so a good death.

Have cancelled dads proceedure, and had a meeting with his GP for a medicine review. That will do for now, his heart condition is not life threatening.

I'm no medic but it doesn't take a genius to work out that dad is under extreme stress and now grief will play it's part too. He's 89 so obviously he's not going to bounce back, but try telling him that.:rotfl:

Anyway ive now got a funeral to plan.

Mum as I knew her died a long time ago, the dementia had already taken her from us. I'm going to put all that behind me and remember her as she as was - wise, witty and wonderful and yes stubborn and obstinate, but it was her very obstinancy and strong will that made her a strong woman.

Celebrate your strong willed, obstinate, cantankerous elderly parents, they might annoy you at times with their odd habits and quirks,but remember you too will take after them, if you are lucky.

Old age is a priivaledge which some are denied. As my FIL is wont to say "old age ain't much fun, but It sure beats the alternative"

So sorry to hear about your mum passing. I can identify with what you say about her not being as you knew her. My mum died (aged almost 96) a year and a half ago and was fine until the age of almost 90 when she had a fall then developed dementia shortly afterwards. I will never know if they were related.

We lived 400 miles apart and I noticed a big deterioration every time I saw her. But at least she was there, even if not as I remembered her. She had a long, slow, distressing end but not painful, thankfully, which was awful for everyone involved but which she was wishing for. She had had enough. Only now am I beginning to come to terms with things and remember all the good times. It takes a long time to get used to. I am 63 now and feel lucky to have had so much time with her.

Funerals keep you busy then it hits you afterwards. I was at someone's funeral exactly 3 weeks after my mum's. I didn't know this relative of my husband but I broke down probably causing people to wonder why, but I knew why.

So, you will get through this and be able to remember her as she was, your dear mum.

hostertlady

sorry to hear about your mum lessonlearned, xx


your quote:'''''''''''
Celebrate your strong willed, obstinate, cantankerous elderly parents, they might annoy you at times with their odd habits and quirks,but remember you too will take after them, if you are lucky.]


too true. I have one of these, my mother ticks all the boxes, we often do battle together! we are cut from the same cloth! we battle but we love... sometimes I could strangle her as she is so stubborn but bloody hell, I will miss her when she has gone...
xx

pendragon_arther

God bles you all. I looked after my mum after she had a stroke in Bahli at 79. She loved to travel and would often stay in hostels. She died a couple of years ago aged 91 and was very difficult at times. She could be demanding and forgetful and repetitive.

They say you finally grow up when you've forgiven your parents for all their misgivings.

If your patience isn't great and you get exasperated have a look for local support groups so at least you can chat to others to de-stress.

Ilovemoneysaving

Lessonlearned, you really are going through it at the moment. Glad that your Mum recognised you and that you have some really good memories of her.
Thanks all of you for reminding me to make the most of my Mum while she is with me and well, it helps to remember that I'm not alone and also not perfect! Like all of us being wife, Mum and daughter and trying to do all these roles well can be a bit tiring oh and I forgot Grandma which is the one role I really love!

[Deleted User]

Well I am getting on a bit, and I have two smashing DDs whom I adore,the youngest is brilliant, and will happily let me do what ever I want to,the eldest Also brilliant ) has turned into my Mum and is always saying 'Oh you shouldn't be doing that or you must do this'

If she had her way I would be sitting in a chair with a blanket round my knees 'resting' !!!

I shall have plenty of time to rest when I push up the daisys until then I like to do as much as I'm pysically able to do.

I no longer climb on chairs to change light bulbs,because it would be daft as I could fall and hurt myself
You don't bounce so well as your bones get older but I am still fully capable of doing lots of other things.
I bake, knit, read, swim, go to coffee mornings,book club, history club, look after three of my DGS after school, drive everywhere and walk in the park when the weather is nice.I keep fully engaged and busy during the week and saturdays are my 'day off' when I just potter around I like to renovate old furniture and go once a week to a quiz night in the local pub.I have far too much to do to grow old gracefully :):) I do have a gardener who comes once a fortnight and a window cleaner once a month but I am fully capable of running my own house I appreciate my eldest DDs concern but there are times when I have to bite my tongue and count to ten under my breath:):):) she means well and she is a very loving caring DD but I am not ga-ga just yet.So remember when you are doing your best to 'help' your Mums that we have survived all sorts of things in my case war, rationing, marriage,childbirth,various monetery crisis' widowhood breast cancer and still come up smiling .We are probably a lot tougher old gals than you think :):) But thank you for caring :):)

jetplane

I'm in my 50's and have definitely turned in to one of those women I used to tut at when I was younger OP I will no doubt turn into your mother when I am older.

Your post reminded me of when I was playing trains with my grandson at the weekend and he was impatient and I actually felt exasperated. If he could have just waited 5 more minutes while I linked the carriages up and not switched the connection point so that the train came off the track he wouldn't have had to cry while I started again :rotfl:

Seriously though I used to feel that way about my mother at times, I used to see her determination as being obstructive, I used to think if it hurts so much then don't do it. How many times did I say its easier if I just do it for you? I meant well but I was asking her to give up her independence because it was easier for me, not for her. I worked full time when my mother was alive, I wish I'd had more time just to be around her.

Come on here have a moan and a laugh

lessonlearned

Turning into your mother. ...... Oh yes:rotfl:

I look in the mirror and I see her face looking back at me. I say things sometimes that are pure her. I open my mouth but it is mum doing the talking......;)

In fact that will be part of my eulogy for her.

People have always said I'm like my mum. It used to irritate me, now I realise there could be no finer compliment.:D