Renovations and Repayments.

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AlexLK wrote: »

The voluntary job is in part selfish as it makes me feel a bit better about myself for 'giving something back'. I know it shouldn't be about that, though.

Pshaw. That's part of the reason we all do it

HBS x

AlexLK

Thanks, both. I'm not doing very well at the moment and need to change my mindset. Just not sure how to go about it.

Bluefire, you're right about had I not set a target I'd be sitting back happy I'd reached the £10,000 and have no desire to try until next year. Maybe I ought set a life target to stop being such a loser, by the time next year comes I may have done something useful ...

Have you a diary?

newgirly

You have more or less hit your target, close enough to claim as a success

Maybe you should consider setting yourself more fun challenges, less pressure than just having financial targets. I've done a 'bucket list' of 40 things i want to do before I turn 41 (gave myself about 18 months) some silly little things, some bigger. I won't complete the list probably but it will have been fun doing a few new things

slowlyfading

Don't put pressure on yourself to reach the new target of £12,000; you've hit the first one which is fantastic, anything else is just a bonus

ourcornercottage

I'm not going to meet my self imposed target for OPs this year (well highly unlikely anyhow) but I'm better off than I'd have been doing nothing.

You've already hit your target a while ago you just upped it, so the new one doesn't count in my opinion. You've done brilliantly and when life throws us a swirved ball as it has with you recently then financial targets just don't count.

Ps spending said money won't make you feel better, it never does and you will just feel worse afterwards. Leave it where it is for now and if you still want another fancy pants car (I know nothing about cars!) when you are feeling better, think about it then. For now leave well alone!

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

You have more or less hit your target, close enough to claim as a success

Maybe you should consider setting yourself more fun challenges, less pressure than just having financial targets. I've done a 'bucket list' of 40 things i want to do before I turn 41 (gave myself about 18 months) some silly little things, some bigger. I won't complete the list probably but it will have been fun doing a few new things

NG: I'm afraid more or less isn't good enough for me, if I was £100 away from hitting the target at the end of the year and had no way to make the savings up to the target amount, to me that would be a failure. I know that's the wrong way to go about things but I've always been like this, when I was at school I hated the fact someone usually did better than I, anything less than a distinction for Music exams wasn't good enough, anything less than a 70 mark at university wasn't good enough. To this day I've not managed to get over the fact I flunked my Cambridge interview. When I used to have a full time job, everyday was a 12 hour day and I'd usually work on Saturdays too, it seemed never ending, was another obsession despite hating the work and contributed towards making me very (mentally) ill.

These days I put that effort into educating my son. Unless I absolutely need to be somewhere else, during the hours he's at school and after he's gone to bed I come up with activities for him to do after school and at the weekends. I let my business suffer for furthering his education and my wife thinks it's unnecessary. I know it's just another thing I obsess over, along with reaching the savings target that I set this year. My life is spent furthering my son's education, trying to save money to somehow show I'm not an absolute waste of space and sitting in my parents' house for hours on end listening to them talk about when they were younger, old governments and their policies, their old businesses etc. etc. To be honest I'm not even sure what I want to do anymore, I've given up on having fun goals.

Bluefire wrote: »

A better target would be to find ways of recognising the positive things about yourself. I know it's hard, I've been battling with depression for a number of years now and it's all too easy to find fault with yourself. I find targets to be something that really helps keep me motivated and distracted from all that.

You can find my diary here: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5216371

Thank you, bluefire.

I don't think the depression will ever go away in my case and I just can't see a future for me. One day my son will leave home as an adult and start his own journey, all I hope is that he won't turn out like me.

AlexLK

slowlyfading wrote: »

Don't put pressure on yourself to reach the new target of £12,000; you've hit the first one which is fantastic, anything else is just a bonus

Sorry I haven't updated the savings thread. I wanted to but cannot remember how much I put away per month.

ourcornercottage wrote: »

I'm not going to meet my self imposed target for OPs this year (well highly unlikely anyhow) but I'm better off than I'd have been doing nothing.

You've already hit your target a while ago you just upped it, so the new one doesn't count in my opinion. You've done brilliantly and when life throws us a swirved ball as it has with you recently then financial targets just don't count.

Ps spending said money won't make you feel better, it never does and you will just feel worse afterwards. Leave it where it is for now and if you still want another fancy pants car (I know nothing about cars!) when you are feeling better, think about it then. For now leave well alone!

Thanks, OOC. I'd likely say the same (better off than before etc) to somebody else regarding the targets.

I know it's rather pathetic for my son starting school to have set off the trigger it has. If anything I should be able to do better with him at school Monday - Friday. I want to get back on track but I can't.

You are right that spending money won't make me feel better. Well, it will for all of a few hours / days but after that, I agree it's worse. Sometimes it's just so very tempting. Not going to do it though, I just think about it.

ourcornercottage

AlexLK wrote: »

I know it's rather pathetic for my son starting school to have set off the trigger it has. If anything I should be able to do better with him at school Monday - Friday. I want to get back on track but I can't.

You are right that spending money won't make me feel better. Well, it will for all of a few hours / days but after that, I agree it's worse. Sometimes it's just so very tempting. Not going to do it though, I just think about it.

There's nothing at all pathetic about this being a trigger, some might say that being stressed at work is a pathetic reason, some might say that financial worries is pathetic , some might say that an argument is. I think your reason makes more sense than these 3 but you wouldn't describe these as pathetic would you? All really important to the person it's happening to though and this just happens to be YOUR trigger.

To be it makes total sense as its such a huge change for you. Well done for spotting/accepting it. It's been a shock to your system but you will come through it,

Nice to see you're keeping your savings in your account

newgirly

To be honest I'm not even sure what I want to do anymore, I've given up on having fun goals.



Thank you, bluefire.

I don't think the depression will ever go away in my case and I just can't see a future for me. One day my son will leave home as an adult and start his own journey, all I hope is that he won't turn out like me.[/QUOTE]

Your son needs you ok Alex, you need to try if at all possible to stop looking so far ahead at what will happen. Easier said than done I know.

Instead of spending on cars/things might it be a good time to spend some on experiences or breaks away? I'm not talking trash your years savings type holiday, but what about a romantic weekend away in a nice hotel with a day out somewhere that interests you both. Something to look forward to, it doesn't have to cost a lot, and would earn you lots of brownie points. Its been a tough few weeks for you, maybe a change would be good?

cazmanian_minx

newgirly wrote: »

Instead of spending on cars/things might it be a good time to spend some on experiences or breaks away? I'm not talking trash your years savings type holiday, but what about a romantic weekend away in a nice hotel with a day out somewhere that interests you both. Something to look forward to, it doesn't have to cost a lot, and would earn you lots of brownie points. Its been a tough few weeks for you, maybe a change would be good?

Alex, I think you should seriously consider this suggestion. Could you take MrsK and LittleK away for somewhere at half-term for a few days to celebrate his first half-term of school?