Renovations and Repayments.

newgirly

I really hope your ds settles in well alex, its totally natural for both you and he to be nervous. Sorry to be blunt but is he picking up any anxious feelings about school from you or your dw ? Apologies if i have offended, but i have been through many years of school first days with my three, and witnessed parents handling the situation in various ways.

My youngest twin had a great reception year and then decided he didnt want a new teacher in year one and i had to carry him screaming to his new teacher in front of the whole.school for the first three weeks. She took him off me whilst i smiled and said enjoy your day. Then I got outside of the gate and cried. Every day. In the fourth week he decided he liked his teacher now and spent the next six years very happy. It would have been very easy to throw the towel in before the four weeks was up, he doesn't remember it at all now.

Its so hard to see them upset, but they will get upset and you won't always be there, perhaps try looking at things in a different way, if your ds doesn't always want to socialise would it help to invite friends over more often? Maybe he could get other boys (or girls) his age interested in some of the hobbies he enjoys with you. He sounds like a very lucky young man with a dad that enjoys teaching him many different things, not all parents have the time or knowledege to do that.

If you are happy with the teachers then trust them to settle him in, us parents suffer more than the kids do in many cases, we get the tears at the gate and don't get to watch them happily playing five mins later!

Anyway, I wish you all the best Alex, keep up.the good work your ds is a lucky boy

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

I think looking at what's going on in the world at the moment i feel a little sadder every time we turn on the news, read the papers, switch on the Internet. It can be really depressing at times and very difficult to appreciate what we have and our first world problems.

All I can say is that I try to do my bit, I do what little I can to make any difference. im sure you make a big difference to those kids you teach even though they might or might not show it. You are doing what you can. The rest is out of all of our hands in the most part.

Chin up

Beginning to appreciate what I have has made my state of mind worse. I realise I was born into a fortunate position but threw opportunities away. Now any self esteem I did have has long been shattered and I am so afraid of failing even more that I just don't bother trying. Doesn't really help with savings or paying off the mortgage, really. You asked if I have any coping mechanisms for when things get difficult, I do but none of them are healthy, one I have to talk to somebody about and will have to live with for the rest of my life.

I cannot accept that 'the rest' is out of our hands, for whose hands does 'the rest' fall to? What defines a leader? Furthermore, how can somebody be a billionaire from inventing 'Facebook' when people caring for the elderly in our society are paid the minimum wage? There's so much wrong with this world and one day my son is going to be an adult and will perhaps wonder why his mother and I thought it appropriate to bring him into such an unjust place. Everyday, I pray that he takes after his mother and not I.

newgirly wrote: »

I really hope your ds settles in well alex, its totally natural for both you and he to be nervous. Sorry to be blunt but is he picking up any anxious feelings about school from you or your dw ? Apologies if i have offended, but i have been through many years of school first days with my three, and witnessed parents handling the situation in various ways.

My youngest twin had a great reception year and then decided he didnt want a new teacher in year one and i had to carry him screaming to his new teacher in front of the whole.school for the first three weeks. She took him off me whilst i smiled and said enjoy your day. Then I got outside of the gate and cried. Every day. In the fourth week he decided he liked his teacher now and spent the next six years very happy. It would have been very easy to throw the towel in before the four weeks was up, he doesn't remember it at all now.

Its so hard to see them upset, but they will get upset and you won't always be there, perhaps try looking at things in a different way, if your ds doesn't always want to socialise would it help to invite friends over more often? Maybe he could get other boys (or girls) his age interested in some of the hobbies he enjoys with you. He sounds like a very lucky young man with a dad that enjoys teaching him many different things, not all parents have the time or knowledege to do that.

If you are happy with the teachers then trust them to settle him in, us parents suffer more than the kids do in many cases, we get the tears at the gate and don't get to watch them happily playing five mins later!

Anyway, I wish you all the best Alex, keep up.the good work your ds is a lucky boy

Newgirly, no need to be sorry at all, you've gave me something to think about. Mrs K is very positive about school and thinks I ought be less accommodating about his coming home for lunch etc. She really enjoys seeing him grow and is looking forward to his first day at school, whereas I'll be honest and say I'm dreading it. Therefore, I wouldn't be surprised if he's picking up some negative feelings from me, really not trying to be negative about it though.

I know I won't always be there but it really hurts to know this. At the moment he realises very little about the world and is full of life. He's happy and I want to ensure he's happy for the rest of his life. That's why I want to add to my parents' property business to ensure he always has enough money to do most things. I don't want him to have to think about money. There is more to it than money, of course but some of this is out of my control. I can't stop him growing up and I won't be able to stop him seeing the world is not a nice place. Frankly, the realisation makes me feel ill.

Thanks for the having his friends around suggestion, we're already planning his 5th birthday party (trains one), so that should be a good opportunity. Hopefully his friends will enjoy that.

I hope I give my son decent opportunities and that he is lucky. However, I can't always see that. It seems that you try your best with parenting but never quite know if your best is good enough.

ourcornercottage

Alex having read your post you are like just about every parent on the planet, you need to relax and enjoy him growing up.

With respect to your coping mechanisms you need to try to switch those to positive ones. I thoroughly recommend that you see someone, many of the alternative therapies can really help. My BF recently went to a hypnotherapist for help with stress related insomnia and she totally helped with that but also gave him some great coping mechanisms for dealing with other issues he has. I have no idea what it is but it seems to work.

As you know I'm a real advocate of talking therapies too, alternative therapies together with the advise of a regular doctor can be invaluable to you.

I'm sure this 'black mood' has been triggered by your sons imminent move to school, a time that you need to celebrate with him. Please seek help to turn those negative coping mechanisms into positive ones.

AlexLK

My wife says exactly the same thing about son growing up, she's something of an optimist and thinks he will have lots of good opportunities in life, whereas I'll sit worrying that Corbyn the Commie could be our next PM. Mind, she can enjoy the taking him to school on his first day without having to deal with him not wanting to go the next. No matter the situation, she can walk away citing work or 'going out' as an excuse, no surprise she's not come home this evening, really.

Thank you for your other advice, I am not ignoring it but am not in the best state of mind to be dealing with another round of doctors, medicine and other therapies at the moment. To be honest, I'm not even sure there is anything 'wrong' with me, not in a world that is as harsh and unjust as this one.

maman

Oh Alex I'm feeling for you at the moment. I well remember taking DD1 to school for her first day. She was reluctant to leave me but her teacher distracted her (with the class hamster) and told me to leave. She was fine ever since and now she's a teacher herself!!


It's not often I'm with MrsKbut I think you're going to have to toughen up here. LittleK has to go to school, it's the law and he's going to have to cope with it. It's all part of growing up. I've said before I don't think you're helping him socialise and learn the way of the world by letting him come home for lunch so let's hope this is a temporary measure only. Home schooling would be just more of the same, putting it off and is totally illogical if you're thinking he may become a boarder at some time. If I were you I'd explain your concerns to his teacher and let them advise you. LittleK's worries are not unusual considering he's spent almost all his life being the centre of attention in adult company. Of course he'll miss you as you'll miss him but he'll get over it and so will you.


As for the rest of the world: Jeremy Corbyn is not going to be Prime Minister!! I think it's a good thing that he's stirring up a protest against the inequalities in this country and how austerity measures are only touching the poorest. It's the same protest feeling that returned all the SNP MPs instead of Labour at the election. If it stops the nasty wing of the Tories then it's a good thing. I think we're seeing that already with the U-turning on refugees.


I know your natural instinct as a parent is to want to protect LittleK but your best way of protecting him is to make him strong so he can protect himself.


Tough(ish) Love;).

AlexLK

I'm dreading a 'phone call from the school a few hours in asking me to pick him up because he's acting up due to not going for a walk / playing violin / going to see the horses / time with dog or other incentives I come up with to get him to read / write / do a maths activity. I know he does this because I've been told this by the nursery and that his behaviour isn't very good, yet he's very well behaved at home.

You are right about him wanting to be the centre of attention, at his trial day he decided to stand up in front of the whole school and show them he could play the piano. Frankly, I can see why other kids would find him annoying when he's been ignoring and disrupting them all day. I don't want him to end up being left out of friendship groups or sitting outside the Headmaster's office all day for causing disruption.

Regarding lunch, I'm hoping after this first year I'll be able to persuade him to stay for lunch. As far as boarding goes, that won't be happening during his prep years, maybe when he enters senior school but certainly not until.

I, too, would like to think that Corbyn won't become PM but nobody knows what's going to happen over the next five years and if he's leader of the opposition, he's got a chance. Who, five years ago, would have said the SNP would have so many seats in Parliament? Let's not forget they have already caused trouble over Cameron's plan to repeal the hunting ban.

smallholdingsister

It doesn't make any difference at all that hunting has been banned, it is still going strong here.

Its fine for miniAlex to be a special snowflake at 4. When he's 12 he needs to have grown out of it.

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

It doesn't make any difference at all that hunting has been banned, it is still going strong here.

Its fine for miniAlex to be a special snowflake at 4. When he's 12 he needs to have grown out of it.

My point was nothing to do with hunting, I was in fact pointing out that the SNP now has influence, just as Corbyn will if he is elected leader of the Labour Party.

I had to look up the meaning of 'special snowflake', :rotfl:. Anyhow, I agree. Today he's at my cousin's place with their children and horses, so I'm hoping a day away will help. I'm not very well at the moment and don't think I'm helping him to understand school is just a part of life. Mrs K was wonderful with him this morning, she taught him the rules of some playground games which he loved and explained they'd be even more fun with more people. Hopefully a breakthrough has been made. Really quite proud of her today.

On another note, I've managed to prep a few things for sale and something I thought I was going to make a loss on, I've managed to make a £10 profit which will go into the savings.

ourcornercottage

Hope you're feeling better soon and nice one mrsK what a fantastic way to broach the issues with mixing/playing you have described before.

Nice one to you too on the profit, it's always satisfying to turn a potential loss into a profit no matter how small

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

Hope you're feeling better soon and nice one mrsK what a fantastic way to broach the issues with mixing/playing you have described before.

Nice one to you too on the profit, it's always satisfying to turn a potential loss into a profit no matter how small

I hope I'm better soon, too. Every time I have a bad day / week / month, I'm aware my son is growing up and one day he'll be aware. The guilt very rarely goes away but I know that's half the problem. Mrs K said today that she wants me to 'live for myself' even though I don't know how to anymore. I'm glad she doesn't know how it is to see oneself as worthless. Tomorrow I have to talk to my parents about the business, already dreading that.

Today Mrs K has certainly won the parenting game. I'm pleased she wanted to spend the majority of the day with him (this is rare) and that both she and son had a really good time together.

Certainly agree regarding making a profit when you think you're going to make a loss. That £10 profit was very satisfying and a weight off my mind.