Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Definitely! That's the way I felt every year without fail. And somehow I ended up blagging my way to being a headteacher. I still can't believe it but people tell me I did OK. Go for it Alex , it won't make you rich but you'll make a difference. :A

Thank you, maman.

Rather reassuring to know it's not just me.

Hope I can make a difference.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Every year about now I start thinking I have forgotten how to teach. That's 24 years in. It is a good sign that you are worried as it will mean you are diligent and committed.

Hope that's the case for me, smallholding.

The feeling of responsibility is quite overwhelming at the moment. It seems one thing to be responsible for teaching a pupil about music and a whole other one to be responsible for a year of their (often entire) education. :eek:

edinburgher wrote: »

Alex is young - if he ended up as a headmaster the wages are very good, 'rich' compared to a lot of people! Family member retrained as a teacher at similar age to Alex and the jump from class teacher to headteacher is quite impressive. Doesn't make it any less stressful though

10 years? At that level and relative's retirement expectations have transformed completely, from dog food (ok, I jest a little) to very comfortable with no money worries

I had wondered if you were still on MSE after closing your diary, glad you are.

I most certainly don't feel young, Ed; 37 this December. :eek: I'll probably look back on this in ten years and disagree, though. Mind, my wife got asked for ID to buy a round of drinks today and I'm yet to be asked about the "age gap" or worse, if she's my daughter so perhaps there's hope I too don't appear to have been in receipt of a driving licence for nigh on two decades yet. However, I think today just about made her year. :rotfl:

Not really sure where the career move is going to take me, or even if I will be working at a school full-time (probably a barrier to any kind of progression), will see how the coming Michaelmas term progresses and then start to think seriously about jobs and whether full or part time.

maman

Glad you had a good day Alex along with your child bride.:)

P.S. I think you'll fit in better if you think of it as the Autumn Term

AlexLK

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

Hello Ed, how's the new job going - is it a month now?

Alex, thanks for asking about the holiday - it was lovely and just what we needed. We had three weeks in total with total relaxation. We met up with good fiends for a few hours at the blues festival in Malcesine but apart from that, we enjoyed our own company and kept very quietly to ourselves. Just the two months of credit cards to clear in Sept and Oct and by then I may have forgotten all about it!

I hope your holiday is similarly relaxing now you are there - a chance to reset and restore

Your holiday sounded fantastic and worth the couple of months card clearing.

We're back home now. Only went for a week but had a nice time. Managed to post on here because I took the iPad.

hiddenshadow wrote: »

Is she possibly trying to be reassuring that there's no pressure re: the course? Especially as you're worried about finances and the course is (at best) financially neutral. (In the long term, of course, financially positive.)

On the finances front, I'd recommend reading some journals on here (even just the starting posts). I know you realise on paper how well-off you are financially (re: not needing to work a traditional 9-5 job, not needing to save for a pension, etc), but reading other peoples' stories and where they are financially might help put things into perspective. If you keep holding yourself to your parents' achievements (let alone their standards :eek:) you'll always be failing because you've chosen a much different path than them.

I think you need to pick financial goals that have meaning for you. A few months ago you didn't seem invested in your house/paying off the mortgage, but now that seems more relevant since the bathroom renovation. Do you and MrsK have a "dream date" for when that would be paid off?

Frankly, from reading your posts, money doesn't seem to matter much to you. (Probably because you have quite a secure lifestyle ). Can you think of some non-financial things that can be achieved by financial means that you could turn into your bucket list (so to speak), rather than comparing yourself to where your parents were at your age/where they are now/etc?

Off the top of my head...
- paid-for month-long holiday somewhere (France? Cornwall?) every year (assuming MrsK can take that much time off)
- sponsoring low-income kids to be able to learn reading/music
- courses for LittleK (and you/MrsK, if appropriate) in whatever areas interest him as he grows up
- more house renovation projects (sounded like the bathroom was just the beginning?)
- buying [strike]me[/strike] LittleK a pony (sorry, slipped up there) :rotfl:

You don't have to work towards any/all of these all at once, but if you can come up with things that have meaning for you, then whenever you feel adrift/lacking motivation on the financial front, that list might help get you going again. You've already developed such good fundamentals this year with the spreadsheets and the 0% financing (look at how quickly you paid that off!), it sounds like you just need to look at a different horizon from your parents' regarding where you should be going/what you should be doing financially.

Hope that makes sense...no caffeine for me yet today!

Apparently so, Hidden Shadow.

I used to read a lot of diaries on here. For the past few months I've started reading but found myself getting stressed as it seemed everyone on here seems to find this easy and clears money from the mortgage. I do want to but find it difficult to. Life often seems to get in the way and often I will buy a car or something else many on here would consider a "toy", rather than actually paying off the mortgage.

The situation with the house is a bit of a difficult one at the moment. My wife's interview has made us seriously talk about moving and possibly to a different part of the country. Our conclusion was along the lines of not right now but that we weren't going to entirely dismiss it in the future (probably 10+ years). However, if anything comes of this I am not sure we'd sell the house (certainly not at first) which would either mean funding another house independent of the bank or taking on another mortgage. We do want to carry on working on the house, whether for the eventual benefit of a higher selling price or for our day to day comfort. No dates for paying it off, though.

There are times I feel like a complete fraud posting on here. Without meaning to be crass about it I have the potential to access quite a lot of money and thus no real need to work or have a mortgage. However, the access to money has not helped me in the past, purely realising foolish purchases and a means to "impress" others. Doubt it made me look anything more than a fool in reality, though. I think a lot of the reason I choose to live to the budget of my wife's earnings is due to both feeling I do not deserve to be in the position I am and due to the mistakes I've made in the past. My wife is also uncomfortable with us not living by the means we can earn between us. Further, I'm afraid my son will become akin to the person I was in my late teens / 20s which, looking back, was caused by far too much money, a complete lack of understanding and my parents indulging my like to "show off".

I really like your "bucket list" ideas. My wife would love for us to set a holiday budget and a pony is an eventual aim. I really like the idea of sponsoring and also courses. I suppose in recent years I've tried to deny myself as much as possible unless the item also happens to be an appreciating asset. I often ask myself why I deserve to have more than some of the pupils I teach - not found one reason yet.

Thank you, I'm pleased with the spreadsheets and also how I've handled the 0%.

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

She can tell that you're anxious and this is probably an attempt to try and relieve some of the pressure you're feeling rather than a lack of faith.

I feel like I'm MrsK's unofficial translator on here!

:rotfl: Apparently, an accurate translation.

AlexLK

edinburgher wrote: »

Hi SL - 4 weeks now - just long enough to get paid!

New job is a bit of rough, a bit of smooth, team are friendly enough and I just got my lovely letter saying that I had been automatically enrolled into our (funded) LGPS

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

My experience is that this moment is a bit like the difference between living with a partner and getting married - it just feels different and secure somehow. I hope it goes well for you

(Sorry to digress Alex!)

Absolutely no idea what you two are talking about but glad to hear your new job is (mainly) going well, Ed.

maman wrote: »

I know where you're coming from but a class teacher can work for 10 years and still be on a basic tax band. I don't think that's Alex's idea of rich.

Although I believe he's being too hard on himself, he sees it as failure that he hasn't paid paid off his mortgage and afforded private schooling and a much larger house and holidays all by his early thirties! It seems ridiculous to you and I but that's the pressure his parents put him under.

Sorry to talk about you Alex but when it's written down, can't you see it as unrealistic?

Not to worry, maman.

Yes, I see it as a failure. With the start I had and previous earnings which would have risen as well as my wife's (yes, a long time ago now), it wasn't unrealistic. I ruined everything myself, both by wasting a lot of money and by not being able to cope with life which everyone else seems to manage fine with.

AlexLK

daisy_1571 wrote: »

Hi all, just adding to all the eminently sensible words of encouragement and advice on here -
I am a much more confident person in day to day life than Mr daisy and when he feels stressed and panicky about something I would take exactly the same kind of tone with him that "it doesn't matter if it doesn't work out". There is a couple of reasons I might say something like this - 1 it really doesn't matter - if no one died then it is trivial in my view and if he stepped back he would see this, 2 it won't change anything in our relationship cos I love him securely and forever so he can have the freedom to try something and if it doesn't work then so what? "You tried, it didn't work, now what ? Onwards and upwards" type of thing. 3 there is a good chance there is something good came out of it even if on the face of it "it didn't work" perhaps would have learned something about ourselves or a subject, would have helped someone else on the way, would have ruled something out so we never feel "Aw, if only we had tried xx..." later in life. You may have heard the expression "x cud start an argument in an empty room" well I only throw in these thoughts to show that, also, if someone looks for it they can find an insult in almost anything someone says. Of course you know all the background to your relationship but in cold clear typeface I read that as an incredibly supportive statement giving you the freedom to stop presurising yourself over all the unknowns at the moment, eg go do the course and if you decide it's no good then we will cope with that and find something else. I was really surprised to read your take on it that she has no faith in you.

The other point was regarding your parents expectations (again) on you. If your mortgage genuinely is small, if you and mrsk also want rid of it, if you have assets that could easily be sold that would pay it off then why don't you do that (I only say that from the previous posts where you said you had a couple of watches that wud fetch about 20 grand just in a drawer - Jeezo I would have had them cashed in and paid off the mortgage instantaneously but then my priority for many years was my mortgage so what I would do is not the important point here, the only important point is what your priority is - your family, not your mum and dad, not your friends, not your co-workers - but yours. So if you prefer to keep stuff classed as investments, then tot the values up and tell your folks you are "mortgage neutral" or even "mortgage negative" since the bank is funding you at a low percentage while your investments' growth outstrips their %. Or, keep your own counsel and let your parents think what they want. You have grown in your understanding so so far in the last few years, you understand your parents are not happy now and aren't that happy looking back at their previous behaviour, as in the old saying they know the value of everything... and seem content to put a financial figure on the "worth" of a life. You don't: you value time with your family, you have felt the personal satisfaction of making your grotty bathroom nice and get pleasure from it every day and it's made you appreciate your own family home, you are trying to get into a very hard but worthwhile career instead of just looking at what would have paid you the biggest salary years ago etc etc etc. Stand tall my friend and look your mother in the eye (cos it seems as though she is the one that stirs your dad up, tells you these 'helpful' things about how your dad really feels disappointed in you even though he has said the opposite to you and still wishes she was working even though it didn't seem to bring much family happiness at the time etc etc) and tell her those kinds of things and that unless she has anything positive to say then to kindly keep her beak out of it !!!!

Keep going, keep looking up at those stars, feel the support from your family unit and start getting a teeny bit excited about this new challenge cos we are all rooting for you

Daisy

Thank you, Daisy.

Sorry this is going to be a short reply, I have just noticed the time. :eek:

Apparently, both the others as well as yourself were right about my wife's intentions. Sometimes it is easy for me to jump to the worst conclusion.

We owe £164,000 and could not clear it purely from personal assets within the house. In recent years, I wouldn't be surprised to find our personal assets have appreciated more than interest paid on the mortgage, though I've not tried to find out.

Will try to respond tomorrow as falling to sleep!

smallholdingsister

Michaelmas is an Oxbridge thing. Is it public school too?

maman

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Michaelmas is an Oxbridge thing. Is it public school too?

Yes, I believe so.


State schools have traditionally returned after the 5 week+ summer holiday long before Michaelmas.


Alex, I don't think I have much else to say abut your feelings of failure, we've said it all before. That was then and this is now. You're wise to live on your wife's salary although you do earn a bit from your parents BTL and other bits and pieces. Surely if you've wasted money in the past you can understand that living within your means is a good idea not just because MrsK insists on it.


I think the closest parallel I can think of to your current situation is what happens in countless households across the country where one partner gives up work to provide childcare. It's still largely women but in your case it's reversed. You've also had your mental health issues to deal with which explains why it's taken longer than most. Now LittleK is firmly established at school, you're feeling stronger after some voluntary and/or part time roles you're going back to work, not into your former role, but one which interests you more after having a child and which will maybe prove a little more family friendly. You can afford to dismiss the relatively low salary and even consider part time work as your family budget allows for that. All the worries about arranging childcare and how you'll miss LittleK etc etc are perfectly normal. It's just that we're more conditioned to hearing exactly the same story from women.


Of course, alternatively, what you could do (as many women do the world over) is go the whole hog: stay at home and be a kept man, live on your wife's or your parents' earnings, dabble in a little voluntary work, keep house, be there for LittleK (although he's at school most of the time). You might have time to fit in some lunches with similar minded souls, some shopping or even spa treatments!:D

AlexLK

kelpie35 wrote: »

So lovely to read you all had a lovely day out, well done.

Keep going in this direction and you will see the benefits.

Take care

Thank you, Kelpie. We had a really good time.

maman wrote: »

Glad you had a good day Alex along with your child bride.:)

P.S. I think you'll fit in better if you think of it as the Autumn Term

:rotfl: Thanks, maman.

Will keep that in mind.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Michaelmas is an Oxbridge thing. Is it public school too?

In my experience, yes.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Yes, I believe so.

State schools have traditionally returned after the 5 week+ summer holiday long before Michaelmas.

Alex, I don't think I have much else to say abut your feelings of failure, we've said it all before. That was then and this is now. You're wise to live on your wife's salary although you do earn a bit from your parents BTL and other bits and pieces. Surely if you've wasted money in the past you can understand that living within your means is a good idea not just because MrsK insists on it.

I think the closest parallel I can think of to your current situation is what happens in countless households across the country where one partner gives up work to provide childcare. It's still largely women but in your case it's reversed. You've also had your mental health issues to deal with which explains why it's taken longer than most. Now LittleK is firmly established at school, you're feeling stronger after some voluntary and/or part time roles you're going back to work, not into your former role, but one which interests you more after having a child and which will maybe prove a little more family friendly. You can afford to dismiss the relatively low salary and even consider part time work as your family budget allows for that. All the worries about arranging childcare and how you'll miss LittleK etc etc are perfectly normal. It's just that we're more conditioned to hearing exactly the same story from women.

Of course, alternatively, what you could do (as many women do the world over) is go the whole hog: stay at home and be a kept man, live on your wife's or your parents' earnings, dabble in a little voluntary work, keep house, be there for LittleK (although he's at school most of the time). You might have time to fit in some lunches with similar minded souls, some shopping or even spa treatments!:D

I think living on as little as possible is a good thing now. I spend very little money on myself.

I am quite aware mothers are more often than not the one to give up work and provide childcare. It is also accepted, whilst my situation isn't and I'm aware of the type of ridicule directed at me whilst others think I'm not listening. I miss my son terribly when he's at school, that too is acceptable for a mother but not for a father. When a mother is the main earner, she gets a pat on the back, a well done and congratulations for showing others it can be done When a mother stays at home, she is congratulated, told it's her choice to make (because no one else can have a say, of course) and is welcomed into a community. A decision is made for a father to be the main caregiver and he's a waste of space loser who is punching far above his weight. Doesn't matter that it was the right choice for a couple to make because, of course, society can't admit that fathers are fit to care for their children and see them thrive.

Suffolk_lass

Michaelmas isn't just Oxbridge and Public Schools. Lots of Universities use it. For example Kings College London and LSE both use it. I went to a Catholic College affiliated to London University and we used it too - as do many Grammar Schools and Church Schools