Renovations and Repayments.

edinburgher

maman wrote: »

Definitely! That's the way I felt every year without fail. And somehow I ended up blagging my way to being a headteacher. I still can't believe it but people tell me I did OK. Go for it Alex , it won't make you rich but you'll make a difference. :A

Alex is young - if he ended up as a headmaster the wages are very good, 'rich' compared to a lot of people! Family member retrained as a teacher at similar age to Alex and the jump from class teacher to headteacher is quite impressive. Doesn't make it any less stressful though

10 years? At that level and relative's retirement expectations have transformed completely, from dog food (ok, I jest a little) to very comfortable with no money worries

Suffolk_lass

Hello Ed, how's the new job going - is it a month now?

Alex, thanks for asking about the holiday - it was lovely and just what we needed. We had three weeks in total with total relaxation. We met up with good fiends for a few hours at the blues festival in Malcesine but apart from that, we enjoyed our own company and kept very quietly to ourselves. Just the two months of credit cards to clear in Sept and Oct and by then I may have forgotten all about it!

I hope your holiday is similarly relaxing now you are there - a chance to reset and restore

hiddenshadow

AlexLK wrote: »

Mrs K has told me twice today "it doesn't matter if things don't work out" - no faith I will complete this course.

Is she possibly trying to be reassuring that there's no pressure re: the course? Especially as you're worried about finances and the course is (at best) financially neutral. (In the long term, of course, financially positive.)

On the finances front, I'd recommend reading some journals on here (even just the starting posts). I know you realise on paper how well-off you are financially (re: not needing to work a traditional 9-5 job, not needing to save for a pension, etc), but reading other peoples' stories and where they are financially might help put things into perspective. If you keep holding yourself to your parents' achievements (let alone their standards :eek:) you'll always be failing because you've chosen a much different path than them.

I think you need to pick financial goals that have meaning for you. A few months ago you didn't seem invested in your house/paying off the mortgage, but now that seems more relevant since the bathroom renovation. Do you and MrsK have a "dream date" for when that would be paid off?

Frankly, from reading your posts, money doesn't seem to matter much to you. (Probably because you have quite a secure lifestyle ). Can you think of some non-financial things that can be achieved by financial means that you could turn into your bucket list (so to speak), rather than comparing yourself to where your parents were at your age/where they are now/etc?

Off the top of my head...
- paid-for month-long holiday somewhere (France? Cornwall?) every year (assuming MrsK can take that much time off)
- sponsoring low-income kids to be able to learn reading/music
- courses for LittleK (and you/MrsK, if appropriate) in whatever areas interest him as he grows up
- more house renovation projects (sounded like the bathroom was just the beginning?)
- buying [strike]me[/strike] LittleK a pony (sorry, slipped up there) :rotfl:

You don't have to work towards any/all of these all at once, but if you can come up with things that have meaning for you, then whenever you feel adrift/lacking motivation on the financial front, that list might help get you going again. You've already developed such good fundamentals this year with the spreadsheets and the 0% financing (look at how quickly you paid that off!), it sounds like you just need to look at a different horizon from your parents' regarding where you should be going/what you should be doing financially.

Hope that makes sense...no caffeine for me yet today!

Red-Squirrel_2

AlexLK wrote: »

Mrs K has told me twice today "it doesn't matter if things don't work out" - no faith I will complete this course.

She can tell that you're anxious and this is probably an attempt to try and relieve some of the pressure you're feeling rather than a lack of faith.

I feel like I'm MrsK's unofficial translator on here!

edinburgher

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

Hello Ed, how's the new job going - is it a month now?

Hi SL - 4 weeks now - just long enough to get paid!

New job is a bit of rough, a bit of smooth, team are friendly enough and I just got my lovely letter saying that I had been automatically enrolled into our (funded) LGPS

Suffolk_lass

edinburgher wrote: »

Hi SL - 4 weeks now - just long enough to get paid!

New job is a bit of rough, a bit of smooth, team are friendly enough and I just got my lovely letter saying that I had been automatically enrolled into our (funded) LGPS

My experience is that this moment is a bit like the difference between living with a partner and getting married - it just feels different and secure somehow. I hope it goes well for you

(Sorry to digress Alex!)

maman

edinburgher wrote: »

Alex is young - if he ended up as a headmaster the wages are very good, 'rich' compared to a lot of people! Family member retrained as a teacher at similar age to Alex and the jump from class teacher to headteacher is quite impressive. Doesn't make it any less stressful though

10 years? At that level and relative's retirement expectations have transformed completely, from dog food (ok, I jest a little) to very comfortable with no money worries

I know where you're coming from but a class teacher can work for 10 years and still be on a basic tax band. I don't think that's Alex's idea of rich.


Although I believe he's being too hard on himself, he sees it as failure that he hasn't paid paid off his mortgage and afforded private schooling and a much larger house and holidays all by his early thirties! It seems ridiculous to you and I but that's the pressure his parents put him under.


Sorry to talk about you Alex but when it's written down, can't you see it as unrealistic?

daisy_1571

Hi all, just adding to all the eminently sensible words of encouragement and advice on here -
I am a much more confident person in day to day life than Mr daisy and when he feels stressed and panicky about something I would take exactly the same kind of tone with him that "it doesn't matter if it doesn't work out". There is a couple of reasons I might say something like this - 1 it really doesn't matter - if no one died then it is trivial in my view and if he stepped back he would see this, 2 it won't change anything in our relationship cos I love him securely and forever so he can have the freedom to try something and if it doesn't work then so what? "You tried, it didn't work, now what ? Onwards and upwards" type of thing. 3 there is a good chance there is something good came out of it even if on the face of it "it didn't work" perhaps would have learned something about ourselves or a subject, would have helped someone else on the way, would have ruled something out so we never feel "Aw, if only we had tried xx..." later in life. You may have heard the expression "x cud start an argument in an empty room" well I only throw in these thoughts to show that, also, if someone looks for it they can find an insult in almost anything someone says. Of course you know all the background to your relationship but in cold clear typeface I read that as an incredibly supportive statement giving you the freedom to stop presurising yourself over all the unknowns at the moment, eg go do the course and if you decide it's no good then we will cope with that and find something else. I was really surprised to read your take on it that she has no faith in you.

The other point was regarding your parents expectations (again) on you. If your mortgage genuinely is small, if you and mrsk also want rid of it, if you have assets that could easily be sold that would pay it off then why don't you do that (I only say that from the previous posts where you said you had a couple of watches that wud fetch about 20 grand just in a drawer - Jeezo I would have had them cashed in and paid off the mortgage instantaneously but then my priority for many years was my mortgage so what I would do is not the important point here, the only important point is what your priority is - your family, not your mum and dad, not your friends, not your co-workers - but yours. So if you prefer to keep stuff classed as investments, then tot the values up and tell your folks you are "mortgage neutral" or even "mortgage negative" since the bank is funding you at a low percentage while your investments' growth outstrips their %. Or, keep your own counsel and let your parents think what they want. You have grown in your understanding so so far in the last few years, you understand your parents are not happy now and aren't that happy looking back at their previous behaviour, as in the old saying they know the value of everything... and seem content to put a financial figure on the "worth" of a life. You don't: you value time with your family, you have felt the personal satisfaction of making your grotty bathroom nice and get pleasure from it every day and it's made you appreciate your own family home, you are trying to get into a very hard but worthwhile career instead of just looking at what would have paid you the biggest salary years ago etc etc etc. Stand tall my friend and look your mother in the eye (cos it seems as though she is the one that stirs your dad up, tells you these 'helpful' things about how your dad really feels disappointed in you even though he has said the opposite to you and still wishes she was working even though it didn't seem to bring much family happiness at the time etc etc) and tell her those kinds of things and that unless she has anything positive to say then to kindly keep her beak out of it !!!!

Keep going, keep looking up at those stars, feel the support from your family unit and start getting a teeny bit excited about this new challenge cos we are all rooting for you

Daisy

AlexLK

Well, I was going to start my targets again tonight but had an eventful day. It seems my son really enjoyed his beach holiday as today he wanted to go to the beach... Mrs K and I being the crazy cases we are thought "why not?", so off we went to the beach. 3 1/2 hours to get there including traffic and a (very small) roadside repair and 2 1/2 hours back but a really nice day out and it gave the Daimler a good run. Had dinner out with the madly in love BMW 430d driving school friend on the way back. So with brimming both tanks in the Daimler and dinner out, is has not been the cheap day I had hoped to have. A good one, though.

kelpie35

So lovely to read you all had a lovely day out, well done.

Keep going in this direction and you will see the benefits.

Take care