Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

April Totals :eek::

OSPREYS - CHECK.
Make a decision re. bathroom / holiday / potential debt.
Total Grocery Spend: £340/ £400. Did it! We did buy a few groceries today and have put them onto May's budget, so perhaps a little naughty but it does mean an extra £60 into the surplus.
Surplus Money: £440 / £800. Pleased with this after the unaccounted for expenses.
Bed before 11.30pm: 9 / 31. This is not good. Though I have been sleeping better. Now just need to sort the bedtimes out.
Meditation: 15 / 31. Could have done better with this.
De-clutter and sell 3 / 5 items. Not met target but have decluttered a little and sold a little which has meant the surplus has been better than anticipated part way through the month when we had unaccounted for expenses.
New Recipes: 1 / 4. Need to ge back to this in May.
Books (to read for pleasure):1 / 3. This is linked to the bedtime issue.

May Targets:
Days getting longer and summer only around the corner, May is the month to sell a no longer wanted classic, I think.

Organise trip to Rutland Water with in-laws.
Organise Whitsun holiday.
Start work on the bathroom
Total Grocery Spend: £40 / £400.
Surplus Money: £70 / £1,000.
11.30pm bedtime: / 31.
Meditation: / 31.
Schedule / Spreadsheets: / 31.
De-clutter and Sell: / 5 items.
New Recipes: / 4.
Books read for pleasure: / 3.
Learn something new or refine a skill: 1. Continue learning and applying new knowledge to create more sophisticated and streamlined spreadsheets. 2. Learn a new piece of repertoire (violin). 3. Demolishing a bathroom. :eek:

kelpie35 wrote: »

To me that shows that your parents have no respect for any of you.

I would not have any further contact with them till they apologise to your wife.

I will not only show your wife how much she means to you and also to your son that that is not acceptable behavior.

I am so sorry Alex that they are being so verbally cruel to you all, you certainly don't deserve this nor should you put up with it.

Unfortunately, my parents have very little respect for others.

I do not want my son growing up thinking their behaviour is acceptable and would like them to apologise to my wife.

AlexLK

Just had a word with Mrs. K. before she goes to bed about the surplus money. Realised we're £70 away from £2,000 and she's agreed we can get May started with a £70 transfer.

Also trying something new re. food and petrol costs. Mrs. K. has a cashback card (I thought she'd no longer got it but she has, anyway not the point) which earns 3% on all purchases, IIRC. So we are going to try using the card for groceries / petrol and paying it in full by transferring the money spent as soon as we get home. If £900 is spent on food and petrol this month, we will effectively save £27 which we will put towards the mortgage so at least we will be overpaying something. This is my wife's idea and I'm a bit apprehensive about it but willing to give it a try for one month. Don't really see why it should be an issue as we use our debit cards and manage not to overspend.

Red-Squirrel_2

kelpie35 wrote: »

My wife suggested they come here but told them her father will be here and my mother was rather rude about this property before stating she supposed it was good enough for "your kind" (wife and family). So today they've upset my wife and son.

To me that shows that your parents have no respect for any of you.

I would not have any further contact with them till they apologise to your wife.

Absolutely agree with this.

This behaviour is so far beyond the pale that the only reasonable response is to get up and leave immediately, and to not come back until a heartfelt apology has been made.

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS

Hi Alex

I've just written a War and Peace response and deleted it. For your mental health and that of your own family too, please don't be the whipping boy for your mother and father.

Feel the strength and love in your own small unit and take comfort. You have achieved something far more important. You are a father to be proud of and if you were my son, I'd be cheering you on.

Your parents have to learn a harsh lesson - yet again.

Very best wishes Tilly

Suffolk_lass

I see from your May plan that a trip to Rutland Water is on the cards. We love that area and have been going there for a weekend every year for over twenty. I presume the Ospreys are the reason for the timing?

When we go the Ospreys have already fledged (July). We have walked and cycled around the area quite a lot and visited lots of local places of interest, from medieval locations (like the Lyddington Bede House, and some of the Stamford Churches) to gardens like Beaulieu, Barnsdale and Easton Walled Garden and lots of decent B&Bs, camp sites and hostelries. I used to want to live up there near Stamford but I do love Suffolk so we make do with a visit each year.

I wonder what happened on their trip to Spain for your parents to have reset their expectations. It seems that the hard-earned understanding that existed before their trip is forgotten for them. I know it will not have surprised you but it needs to be reinstated.

Enjoy the meal with your family and Father-in-law and focus on the enjoyment in this small thing. Your relationship with him will improve if you do this sort of thing and relax. Please don't go asking him if he wants you to leave the room. Try involving him in the Rutland trip planning and find out what he might want to do there (I can thoroughly recommend the Bede House for little LK as they do some audio tour guide options and it really is interesting - just the other side of Uppingham, to the South of Rutland water).

kelpie35

I hope your lunch went well today and that your son enjoyed spending time with his grandad.

Take care

AlexLK

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Absolutely agree with this.

This behaviour is so far beyond the pale that the only reasonable response is to get up and leave immediately, and to not come back until a heartfelt apology has been made.

Spoke to them on the 'phone after they kept calling. We're being "unreasonable" and "immature".

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS wrote: »

Hi Alex

I've just written a War and Peace response and deleted it. For your mental health and that of your own family too, please don't be the whipping boy for your mother and father.

Feel the strength and love in your own small unit and take comfort. You have achieved something far more important. You are a father to be proud of and if you were my son, I'd be cheering you on.

Your parents have to learn a harsh lesson - yet again.

Very best wishes Tilly

Hi Tilly,

Thank you.

I'm quite concerned about my son, to be honest. He seems to much prefer being here and doesn't look forward to meals with my parents. They are affecting my mental health at the moment and have really upset my wife. I'm concerned I won't be able to complete the teaching course I've signed up to because my parents won't let me - keep calling / demanding I go to them when I am meant to be working at the school. :mad: My wife would be really angry if I quit the course due to my parents demanding my time and I can see her point.

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

I see from your May plan that a trip to Rutland Water is on the cards. We love that area and have been going there for a weekend every year for over twenty. I presume the Ospreys are the reason for the timing?

When we go the Ospreys have already fledged (July). We have walked and cycled around the area quite a lot and visited lots of local places of interest, from medieval locations (like the Lyddington Bede House, and some of the Stamford Churches) to gardens like Beaulieu, Barnsdale and Easton Walled Garden and lots of decent B&Bs, camp sites and hostelries. I used to want to live up there near Stamford but I do love Suffolk so we make do with a visit each year.

I wonder what happened on their trip to Spain for your parents to have reset their expectations. It seems that the hard-earned understanding that existed before their trip is forgotten for them. I know it will not have surprised you but it needs to be reinstated.

Enjoy the meal with your family and Father-in-law and focus on the enjoyment in this small thing. Your relationship with him will improve if you do this sort of thing and relax. Please don't go asking him if he wants you to leave the room. Try involving him in the Rutland trip planning and find out what he might want to do there (I can thoroughly recommend the Bede House for little LK as they do some audio tour guide options and it really is interesting - just the other side of Uppingham, to the South of Rutland water).

My son and I usually go to Rutland Water a couple of times per year. Hadn't thought about exploring the local area beyond R.W., so thank you as you've given me some ideas.

Re. my parents, their actions don't surprise me in the slightest. Apparently, they want me to cook for them and aren't happy I'm not going to do it all the time because they like my food. Suppose it's something of a compliment. :rotfl: They haven't got what they wanted and don't like it which means I become the problem.

Just having a rest after tidying up the house for Father-in-Law's arrival. I do need to try to relax, already feeling stressed about the evening ahead and shouldn't be, really. Quite concerned he's going to find the food a bit boring - spaghetti bolognaise and my wife is making a garlic and olive bread with our son at the moment to accompany it. We really enjoy it but I do think we ought make a bit more effort for a guest. Wife thinks not, saying he finds my formality a bit strange. Will definitely talk about Rutland and see if they've thought about it more than we have yet - gives us something non-controversial to talk about. :rotfl:

AlexLK

kelpie35 wrote: »

I hope your lunch went well today and that your son enjoyed spending time with his grandad.

Take care

Thanks, kelpie, though it's dinner grandad is coming for, did I say lunch?

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Spoke to them on the 'phone after they kept calling. We're being "unreasonable" and "immature".

Nonsense!!

AlexLK wrote: »

I'm quite concerned about my son, to be honest. He seems to much prefer being here and doesn't look forward to meals with my parents. They are affecting my mental health at the moment and have really upset my wife. I'm concerned I won't be able to complete the teaching course I've signed up to because my parents won't let me - keep calling / demanding I go to them when I am meant to be working at the school. :mad: My wife would be really angry if I quit the course due to my parents demanding my time and I can see her point.

I'm not surprised your son prefers his own home especially as he has some unhappy memories of the way your parents have behaved towards him. I'm also 100% sure he's picked up on the fact that they make you unhappy and generally cause friction. They've only been back from Spain for a metaphorical 5 minutes and caused trouble already:mad:. Stick to your guns Alex. Let your phone switch to voicemail and answer when it suits you.
Do they have Deliveroo in the wilds of Derbyshire?;)

AlexLK wrote: »

Quite concerned he's going to find the food a bit boring - spaghetti bolognaise and my wife is making a garlic and olive bread with our son at the moment to accompany it. We really enjoy it but I do think we ought make a bit more effort for a guest. Wife thinks not, saying he finds my formality a bit strange.

Of course you want him to feel welcome but he's family and you want him to relax. LittleK has made a special effort with the bread (as I'm sure you'll point out to him) but otherwise you've invited him for his company and to share your family meal. Bolognese is good.:)

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS

Alex - although I'm sure this is too big a step, you really need some way of switching the relationship with your parents around.

If I were you I'd be seriously thinking of telling them to stuff their house, cash and portfolio. Live your life for you, make memories and laughter with your family unit and frankly tell your parents to 'booger' off.

You're a grown man with a family and if your parents want to be in your lives then they can fit in with you, not vice versa.

Dangling your inheritance as a carrot, whether verbally or by insinuation in order to control you, is totally unacceptable. I feel that they believe they can control you because you need their money, whether now or in the future. By telling them you're not interested removes their power completely.

Bit of a gamble 😉

Tilly