Renovations and Repayments.

newgirly

Gaining an education should not be "a gamble" and should not be about what someone "does with it". However, I can understand why pupils from poorer backgrounds may choose to take a degree more directly related to a field of work.

I thought students studying Medicine and related courses had their fees paid for by the NHS, to be honest.[/QUOTE]


I think far more people are doing degrees in subject they enjoy, we have not influenced our three with what they study at any point, Our Dd has been working for free at many theatres and venues in and out of London, she's jointly directed a play in a Hampstead theatre worked at the royal opera house doing sets, front of house at the oval house (where she also ran a fundraising night) - she has just been turned down for a paying job selling tickets at our local theatre in the evenings.....

It's a massive worry, should we have encouraged her to do something that would have more or less guaranteed get a job at the end? It's great learning about something you love, but she is already highly stressed out at what the future holds job wise

Agreed about the NHS thing as well, I just assumed it would be free, it should be!

newgirly

Ps. Sounds a bit intense from the parents :eek: hope you are giving them a bit of space for a bit!

Suffolk_lass

newgirly wrote: »

Our Dd has been working for free at many theatres and venues in and out of London, she's jointly directed a play in a Hampstead theatre worked at the royal opera house doing sets, front of house at the oval house (where she also ran a fundraising night) - she has just been turned down for a paying job selling tickets at our local theatre in the evenings.....

It's a massive worry, should we have encouraged her to do something that would have more or less guaranteed get a job at the end? It's great learning about something you love, but she is already highly stressed out at what the future holds job wise

I echo that newgirly; our Son is a musician who has worked for free since he was 18 in music related fields - building sound stages, setting up and being sound engineer for others, in studios and on the road, both casually and for bands before they achieved commercial success. He has guest-played for numerous bands and we have transported him and his bands around the countryside, to and from gigs and festivals.

He has found a bit of balance by taking some paid employment in an unrelated field at national minimum wage that is emotionally rewarding (so he feels a degree of commitment) but music remains his first love and he adapts to accommodate the opportunities he gets - this week he has taken leave to support a charity music festival in Essex. Yes, he will enjoy it and need a day or two to recover after breaking the sets on Tuesday, but for the first time he is getting paid (by his employer) because he has some annual leave to take. It is a reasonable compromise.

Karmacat

The fees sound disastrous they were starting to come in as the second of my sister's kids were at uni, and to keep things fair between them, she and her husband paid the fees for their second child. They could afford to, luckily.

Alex, I like your plan for providing for your own son - there are plenty of people who do that now and its worked very well, though what I would say is that there's been so much student accommodation built especially (an awful lot in Liverpool, where I come from) I'm not sure the private landlords are still doing as well. Keeping things fluid is important, I guess.

As for your parents ... you *know* they can do for themselves. You popping round to make a nice sandwich for lunch which you then eat with them, maybe ... but going round three times a day? Nuh-uh. Not on this planet, thats really, really not fair.

kelpie35

Alex, I know that you do not like confrontation so how would you feel writing down (as you are very good with words) along with your wife the rules about what and when you visit, do jobs and walking the dog for your parents.

I think it is about time your parents showed you, your wife and son respect.

Things seem to have improved vastly on how things are working for the 3 of you and you don't want to jeopardise any of that because that is your first priority.

maman

Karmacat wrote: »

I would say is that there's been so much student accommodation built especially (an awful lot in Liverpool, where I come from) I'm not sure the private landlords are still doing as well.

My local council has an active policy to encourage the building of student accommodation in order to free up former student houses for family occupancy.


I'd also thought that it would depend on where your son chose to study as many parts of the country no longer have cheap housing available for purchase.


Your use of the word stipend is rather quaint Alex, is that what your parents give you for your work on their properties?:)


Of course, things might change in the 10+ years before LittleK is old enough to go to university but, as things stand, your plan is surely that the bank of grandmother and grandfather would fund his student fees. That seems fraught with difficulty when I think that you and MrsK have been at odds over how to fund a new bathroom at £8K?

AlexLK

kelpie35 wrote: »

I think your wife and you have every reason to be angry.

As you say they have managed perfectly well when away, and in my opinion, what your father said to you is utterly wrong. They are just acting like spoiled children.

I think you, Mrs K and your son need to take a firm stand on this and not allow them to interrupt your plans.

You are a family of 3 and with all you have been through you seem to be heading in the right direction. :T

Please DO NOT allow your parents to interfere with all the progress you have all made with becoming a happy family.

Take care

Acting like spoiled children sums my parents up.

We went there for lunch today. Well, I got there at breakfast after my father called. So, I made them their breakfast, walked the dogs and then cooked a roast. My wife and son came an hour before lunch was served and apparently all my father could do is complain to my wife about what a terrible son I am and my "insolent" behaviour towards them. :mad: We left straight after lunch and my wife told them we were going to be out all afternoon / evening even though we aren't. My father-in-law was meant to be coming over for dinner tomorrow as it's the bank holiday and mother-in-law is working, brother-in-law and family have gone away for the weekend so my wife invited him over. However, my parents want us to go there for dinner (only mentioned today). My wife suggested they come here but told them her father will be here and my mother was rather rude about this property before stating she supposed it was good enough for "your kind" (wife and family).:mad: So today they've upset my wife and son.

I said to my wife today I wished they'd stayed in Spain. Probably sounds awful but I find them really difficult to deal with when they're being like this. Anyway, I've decided I'm not going there tomorrow and if they've not bought food or cannot be bothered to cook it, they can go to a restaurant.

maman wrote: »

I don't understand why you went back to cook dinner.
It seems that consciously or otherwise they want to reestablish the situation that existed previously when you were cooking for them. This can't happen or you'll be back to square one.
Tomorrow you must focus on your wife and son.

Because my father knows my 'phone number and won't stop calling me.

They want me to cook for them because they enjoy the food I cook and despite me leaving recipes it seems they cannot be bothered to try.

Definitely trying to focus on my wife and son at the moment.

newgirly wrote: »

I think far more people are doing degrees in subject they enjoy, we have not influenced our three with what they study at any point, Our Dd has been working for free at many theatres and venues in and out of London, she's jointly directed a play in a Hampstead theatre worked at the royal opera house doing sets, front of house at the oval house (where she also ran a fundraising night) - she has just been turned down for a paying job selling tickets at our local theatre in the evenings.....

It's a massive worry, should we have encouraged her to do something that would have more or less guaranteed get a job at the end? It's great learning about something you love, but she is already highly stressed out at what the future holds job wise

Agreed about the NHS thing as well, I just assumed it would be free, it should be!

Your daughter will be able to show great work ethic and have a lot of experience at the end of her degree. As for it being a worry, I suppose that depends on whether it's the case that theatre is all she is prepared to do for work.

I never did a Music degree expecting to play violin professionally or work "in music". After completing my MA, I got a training contract to become a solicitor having only spent a week working at a schoolfriend's father's firm. Looking back, it wouldn't have happened that way had the schoolfriend's father who knew my father well not been there. It wasn't the right thing for me but I learned a lot and spent a few years after training earning a good salary for my age at the time. I fell into that sector of work but many people I graduated from my BA with went onto do all kinds of things. Some were concerned about steady and secure employment so they trained to do something else after the degree. A good friend of mine is a Head of Music and will be moving onto an Assistant Head position in September, someone else completed a Medicine degree and is now a surgeon, quite a few went into law and business.

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

Ps. Sounds a bit intense from the parents :eek: hope you are giving them a bit of space for a bit!

Giving them some "space" sounds like a good idea at the moment. :rotfl:

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

I echo that newgirly; our Son is a musician who has worked for free since he was 18 in music related fields - building sound stages, setting up and being sound engineer for others, in studios and on the road, both casually and for bands before they achieved commercial success. He has guest-played for numerous bands and we have transported him and his bands around the countryside, to and from gigs and festivals.

He has found a bit of balance by taking some paid employment in an unrelated field at national minimum wage that is emotionally rewarding (so he feels a degree of commitment) but music remains his first love and he adapts to accommodate the opportunities he gets - this week he has taken leave to support a charity music festival in Essex. Yes, he will enjoy it and need a day or two to recover after breaking the sets on Tuesday, but for the first time he is getting paid (by his employer) because he has some annual leave to take. It is a reasonable compromise.

I think the problem here lies in that it sounds like for your son nothing but performance will do. Very few performers earn enough to cover their living costs, that's just how it is.

I know personally were I to take every pupil that wanted an hour's tuition in music I'd be making £48,000 before tax from it per year (40 hours per week at £30 per hour for 40 weeks of the year) but it requires working very unsociable hours as pupils want lessons after school. Personally, I'd rather have a few evening pupils and be able to spend time with my wife and son but were I young, single and had no other commitments I'd be very tempted to go down this route if I wanted to make a reasonable (for Derbyshire) income and stay working with music.

Karmacat wrote: »

The fees sound disastrous they were starting to come in as the second of my sister's kids were at uni, and to keep things fair between them, she and her husband paid the fees for their second child. They could afford to, luckily.

Alex, I like your plan for providing for your own son - there are plenty of people who do that now and its worked very well, though what I would say is that there's been so much student accommodation built especially (an awful lot in Liverpool, where I come from) I'm not sure the private landlords are still doing as well. Keeping things fluid is important, I guess.

As for your parents ... you *know* they can do for themselves. You popping round to make a nice sandwich for lunch which you then eat with them, maybe ... but going round three times a day? Nuh-uh. Not on this planet, thats really, really not fair.

Fees for undergraduate courses and PGCE are £9,250 per year from September. No idea why PGCE attracts the same rate as undergrad courses. :mad:

Thanks for the information re. student accommodation. It's something I will have to consider nearer the time and whether or not it would be viable. Of course, I've no idea what my son will go on to study or even where his interests will lie.

I don't think it's fair either and am really concerned about what September will bring.

kelpie35

My wife suggested they come here but told them her father will be here and my mother was rather rude about this property before stating she supposed it was good enough for "your kind" (wife and family). So today they've upset my wife and son.

To me that shows that your parents have no respect for any of you.

I would not have any further contact with them till they apologise to your wife.

I will not only show your wife how much she means to you and also to your son that that is not acceptable behavior.

I am so sorry Alex that they are being so verbally cruel to you all, you certainly don't deserve this nor should you put up with it.

AlexLK

kelpie35 wrote: »

Alex, I know that you do not like confrontation so how would you feel writing down (as you are very good with words) along with your wife the rules about what and when you visit, do jobs and walking the dog for your parents.

I think it is about time your parents showed you, your wife and son respect.

Things seem to have improved vastly on how things are working for the 3 of you and you don't want to jeopardise any of that because that is your first priority.

It's a great idea but the chances of my parents reading a set of "rules" and obliging is laughable. :rotfl:

I absolutely do not wish to jeopardise the relationship with my wife. Things are working very well on that front, at the moment.

maman wrote: »

My local council has an active policy to encourage the building of student accommodation in order to free up former student houses for family occupancy.

I'd also thought that it would depend on where your son chose to study as many parts of the country no longer have cheap housing available for purchase.

Your use of the word stipend is rather quaint Alex, is that what your parents give you for your work on their properties?:)

Of course, things might change in the 10+ years before LittleK is old enough to go to university but, as things stand, your plan is surely that the bank of grandmother and grandfather would fund his student fees. That seems fraught with difficulty when I think that you and MrsK have been at odds over how to fund a new bathroom at £8K?

Your council's policy surprises me - student areas are not usually particularly desirable parts of a city. I can't say for certain that I'll go down this route but in some parts of the country it would perhaps not be an economically viable plan.

No, I take a salary from a company that I am a director of, maman. As a result of that, it's not really a case of bank of grandparents. You are right about my wife, though. She views the company's money as my parents'.