Renovations and Repayments.

Debsnewbudget

Thank you for bringing back memories of sitting on the cork topped wooden bathroom stool at the dinner table.:)
We also used to borrow Auntie Mary's chairs from next door:rotfl:

Check out Peter Kays emergency chairs sketch :rotfl:

Sorry Alex but you have brought many happy memories back this morning. Try to enjoy the event x

Suffolk_lass

Hello Alex, I am back after a week in the Highlands and a few days at my Mum's in Ayrshire and I can't resist saying this.

We also put our table at a diagonal angle, add a second table (on blocks, to raise it to the same height) and deliberately mix up the chairs (I have three carvers, all bought or acquired separately, a bench seat for two (oak, with leather cover, acquired for £10 outside a hairdresser's shop about 20 years ago) and a set of 4 dining chairs, and a nursing chair that my Mum gave me (her Mother's). It is lower than the rest so I put a tall person on it.

I know your FiL's comments rankled but maybe he is feeling a bit more secure about your relationship (yours with your wife, and with him) that he felt able to firstly drop in and then make a few comments about your future (reassured that you will be with your wife), albeit, poorly conceived. I always say smile - the endorphins it releases will make you feel better and a small can hide your true reaction. You did say he and you had been making an effort to get on better. Or maybe he had had a drink and let his guard down, reverting to a more "snipey" style. My Mum always says "forgive and move on".

The children would feel special having their own table and nobody else will mind mixing up chairs - you could give each child a different style to make them all feel special - maybe a cushion for a princess, or a different cloth over each child's place, so they are consciously different. A small bag with a few things in (pencils/coloured pens, rubber, small chocolate eggs, a few coins) and a paper cloth they can draw on and colour in would add to that feeling that it is especially for them.

hiddenshadow

AlexLK wrote: »

Must admit I'm somewhat apprehensive about the whole thing, to be honest. My in-laws visited this evening as they'd been somewhere not so far from here. Son was pleased to see them. Mrs K showed them the plans for the bathroom project. Father-in-law said something about it being "about time" and was joking about the current set up. Next thing he said was something along the lines of what are we doing about the rest of the place? Couldn't help but be a little insulted and ashamed.

I'm sure it was just a joke. Our families (mostly mine) make jokes like that all the time, partly because we haven't finished re-decorating (or...any of the DIY projects we've started ), mostly because we're not organised sorts of people so there's piles of stuff everywhere even when we've just cleaned/tidied. We live here 24/7, they only have to put up with it for a few hours/days.

I offered to host Easter at my parents' house for their comfort, he thought this hilarious and started mocking his "personal invite to 'Chatsworth House'", my parents' expectations of the house being passed on as well as my fondness of the place. :mad:

To put the shoe on the other foot, it sounds like your parents and your in-laws haven't really gotten on very well in the past...so it would likely be only the building that would be "comfortable" for your FIL, not the rest of the visit. I can see why you'd prefer the extra space over trying to fit more people than you're used to, but as previous posts have outlined, most people aren't too bothered about being a bit crammed in for big family occasions.

(That said it certainly wasn't nice to mock your fondness for your parents' home, but I'd try not to dwell on it if I were you. It sounds like FIL views their house/lifestyle as so far removed from his own as to be laughable, and there's not much you can do about that.)

I hope everything goes well this weekend - sounds like it'll be a lovely time. And by eating inside you avoid panicking about the weather. :rotfl:

Red-Squirrel_2

AlexLK wrote: »

Do you have a table that seats 10? Our dining table seats 6 and the 3 children will have to go into the music room to eat at the table I usually use for theory. There's two chairs in there which match the dining chairs but one will have to be taken from the study as we've a set of 8 chairs. I have considered borrowing my parents' dining chairs (moving the table is a no-go) but have no doubt I'll be mocked for that.

My family is not coming, it's my in-laws visiting. My parents are away.

It's a 6 seater that extends to 8, the 2 kids squash in on either end! Only 6 chairs match, and my brother is bringing 2 in the boot of his car, but emergency chairs are all part of the fun!

2 of my guests are technically in-laws Alex, but I still refer to them as my family. Your in laws are your son's uncles and grandparents and cousins.

I am relieved to hear your parents won't be at the meal though, can only imagine how stressful that would have been for all involved!

Enjoy it, wherever you decide to host, and remember it's not the details that make the day it's the company and the atmosphere.

Red-Squirrel_2

Debsnewbudget wrote: »

Thank you for bringing back memories of sitting on the cork topped wooden bathroom stool at the dinner table.:)
We also used to borrow Auntie Mary's chairs from next door:rotfl:

Check out Peter Kays emergency chairs sketch :rotfl:

Sorry Alex but you have brought many happy memories back this morning. Try to enjoy the event x

:rotfl:

We used to have two people sharing a piano stool at Christmas at my mum and dad's!

AlexLK

SingleSue wrote: »

On Christmas day we sit on an assortment of camping chairs, footstools and kitchen chairs (and one year, a small step ladder!), none of us mind.

At one point we had to have a children's table in one room and an adults table in another, again, nothing really matched much.

It's a family meal, don't overthink it, just enjoy it.

Christmas at my in-laws' is much like that: large family, small house. I don't mind when we sometimes go there in the evening (no food involved) but would not want to eat my Christmas lunch there.

:rotfl: Re. enjoying it. I almost cancelled the whole thing this morning and know my stress levels are rising as each hour ticks by. Had a terrible time getting to sleep last night and all kinds of muscle tension pains today.

Debsnewbudget wrote: »

Thank you for bringing back memories of sitting on the cork topped wooden bathroom stool at the dinner table.:)
We also used to borrow Auntie Mary's chairs from next door:rotfl:

Check out Peter Kays emergency chairs sketch :rotfl:

Sorry Alex but you have brought many happy memories back this morning. Try to enjoy the event x

Glad this current topic has reminded you of happy memories.

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

Hello Alex, I am back after a week in the Highlands and a few days at my Mum's in Ayrshire and I can't resist saying this.

We also put our table at a diagonal angle, add a second table (on blocks, to raise it to the same height) and deliberately mix up the chairs (I have three carvers, all bought or acquired separately, a bench seat for two (oak, with leather cover, acquired for £10 outside a hairdresser's shop about 20 years ago) and a set of 4 dining chairs, and a nursing chair that my Mum gave me (her Mother's). It is lower than the rest so I put a tall person on it.

I know your FiL's comments rankled but maybe he is feeling a bit more secure about your relationship (yours with your wife, and with him) that he felt able to firstly drop in and then make a few comments about your future (reassured that you will be with your wife), albeit, poorly conceived. I always say smile - the endorphins it releases will make you feel better and a small can hide your true reaction. You did say he and you had been making an effort to get on better. Or maybe he had had a drink and let his guard down, reverting to a more "snipey" style. My Mum always says "forgive and move on".

The children would feel special having their own table and nobody else will mind mixing up chairs - you could give each child a different style to make them all feel special - maybe a cushion for a princess, or a different cloth over each child's place, so they are consciously different. A small bag with a few things in (pencils/coloured pens, rubber, small chocolate eggs, a few coins) and a paper cloth they can draw on and colour in would add to that feeling that it is especially for them.

Hope you had a nice time away and the weather wasn't too bad.

My wife is annoyed with me about the dining arrangements and wants to try to fit nine people around a table that seats six. :mad: Son has decided he likes the idea of sitting at the table in the music room as he can play the piano whilst waiting for dessert to be served. Also asked if he could sit on the piano stool whilst eating. :mad: :mad: He can be a strange boy at times. :rotfl:

Father-in-law had nothing stronger than coffee. We had been making an effort to get along better and I am aware he was trying to be amusing. However, I'm sure he wouldn't find it amusing were I to ridicule his parents' wishes or their Oak Furniture Land :mad: fetish.

AlexLK

hiddenshadow wrote: »

I'm sure it was just a joke. Our families (mostly mine) make jokes like that all the time, partly because we haven't finished re-decorating (or...any of the DIY projects we've started ), mostly because we're not organised sorts of people so there's piles of stuff everywhere even when we've just cleaned/tidied. We live here 24/7, they only have to put up with it for a few hours/days.

To put the shoe on the other foot, it sounds like your parents and your in-laws haven't really gotten on very well in the past...so it would likely be only the building that would be "comfortable" for your FIL, not the rest of the visit. I can see why you'd prefer the extra space over trying to fit more people than you're used to, but as previous posts have outlined, most people aren't too bothered about being a bit crammed in for big family occasions.

(That said it certainly wasn't nice to mock your fondness for your parents' home, but I'd try not to dwell on it if I were you. It sounds like FIL views their house/lifestyle as so far removed from his own as to be laughable, and there's not much you can do about that.)

I hope everything goes well this weekend - sounds like it'll be a lovely time. And by eating inside you avoid panicking about the weather. :rotfl:

:rotfl: Re. the piles of stuff. We are the same. My father-in-law thinks he is amusing, so it would have been his idea of a joke. I found his comments about the house particularly insulting as my wife and I have put a lot of effort into the house over the years.

My parents and in-laws have a very strained relationship. I do resent how my in-laws have treated my parents. As my parents are away, they would not come into contact with one another.

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

It's a 6 seater that extends to 8, the 2 kids squash in on either end! Only 6 chairs match, and my brother is bringing 2 in the boot of his car, but emergency chairs are all part of the fun!

2 of my guests are technically in-laws Alex, but I still refer to them as my family. Your in laws are your son's uncles and grandparents and cousins.

I am relieved to hear your parents won't be at the meal though, can only imagine how stressful that would have been for all involved!

Enjoy it, wherever you decide to host, and remember it's not the details that make the day it's the company and the atmosphere.

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

:rotfl:

We used to have two people sharing a piano stool at Christmas at my mum and dad's!

Emergency chairs! At least that expression has brightened my day somewhat.

My son sees them as family and I know they care about him. In some ways I think they are good for him as they are very family orientated.

In-laws and my parents don't tend to meet many times of the year. Usually it's only for my son's birthday.

daisy_1571

Alex, Alex, Alex. I am starting off with a confession about 2 meals in my house, some instructions and am going to end with an apology so sorry for long post.
Please do not stress so much over something that is meant to be enjoyable or you will end up hating every moment of it and regretting it later. I know I like things to be just as I imagine them in my head and one year I had my family round (my mum and dad, Mr Daisy's mum and dad, my two brothers, my two sis-in-laws, 2 young nephews) and we didn't have a lot of space so got a table up in our second bedroom (the only other room in our house that was not our bedroom or our livingroom) as best we could and I thought the kids would want to eat in the livingroom in front of the tv. Of course, they wanted to be in with us so everyone was squashed round a wee table on different chairs including plastic garden ones with cushions to make them comfier in our tip of a room with stuff piled in the corners cos there was nowhere else for it to go. Simply because that wasn't how I had imagined it to be, I was all stressed out and probably made people uncomfortable just because I found it hard to cope rather than them being uncomfortable because they were in our wee room. Looking back I cant believe it was so important to me. I should have just relaxed and enjoyed the fact these young kids wanted to be with us, talking and laughing instead of watching tv and I regret not being free enough to do that. Years later I had same combo to xmas dinner, by this time we had an extension so plenty room but still a dining table that only seats 6 comfortably so we did the card-table-pushed-at-the-end thing and mum brought some folding chairs and I dug out whatever I could (computer chair etc), we had a gas power cut that morning so no central heating but we all just snuggled in with fleeces and blankets and a few electric fires plugged in and I was relaxed about it all (electric cooker :rotfl:) and it was the best xmas ever. By xmas the next year we had lost both my in-laws and my dad was no longer as able and I cherish every flippin' moment of memories about that chaotic, wonderful xmas. So enjoy your better relationship with your in-law family, enjoy seeing your son interact with them and just relax - its just a meal, everyone will be fine.

Now for the apology. I read your rich house, poor house thing with interest. We didn't watch it but I get the idea from your description. I hope you will now have a better understanding of what our comments have been over the years when you just unconsciously say something that proves how out of my world you were brought up in (cant speak for others but by the comments there were more like me). Although things said sometimes seemed like we were all getting at you I know I sometimes shook my head in disbelief at some of the stuff and thought you must surely be joking with your attitudes. Even well off people must "know" how everyone else lives, I would think. Well, I'm sorry for those thoughts Alex. I never for one moment considered it from the other way. Seeing your genuine shock at literally "how the other half lives" I suddenly realized - How on earth are you meant to understand the choices, the lifestyle, the day to day stuff of a life other than your own any better than I could? Why could I accept I don't understand your life beginnings and yet just expect that you would somehow understand mine. That did not show much empathy so I apologize. It just shows that these tv programmes, that sometimes look manufactured or sensationalist do have very good reason for being made. It seems to have given you a real understanding into a life beyond your own and that can only stand you in very good stead for being a teacher. You already sound like a good one, I am sure you have it in you to be exceptional but remember - you are one person, you can only touch some people and not everyone will want, appreciate or need your help so you won't inspire everyone. Don't do nothing for the want of being able to do everything. No one is going to knock on your door and ask you to explain why YOU haven't created world peace yet. Be happy with the ones you do inspire.

Well done Alex. But now relax please !!

oh. and go watch Overboard with Goldie Hawn. There is a rather profound little moment when Roddy McDowall tells her she has been fortunate to have been able to briefly live two lives (or something like that).

Daisy

AlexLK

April Targets:

OSPREYS - CHECK.
PLAN EASTER HOLIDAY
Make a decision re. bathroom / holiday / potential debt.

For those of you who've renovated bathrooms, where did you buy things from and how have things lasted?

This all seems to be a bit of a minefield. Most of the items we've looked at have a 25 year guarantee which seems good.

Total Grocery Spend: £180/ £400.
Surplus Money: / £800.
Bed before 11.30pm: 4 / 31. This illustrates my terrible sleeping habits to me.
Meditation: 6 / 31, tried this evening but am still very tense.
De-clutter and sell / 5 items.
New Recipes: / 4.
Books (to read for pleasure): / 3.

Not doing well this month. The bathroom is taking a lot of my thoughts and I'm concerned about what we are going to buy - if it will be any good as we've a limited budget.

Spoke to my wife this evening about my concerns re. Easter but she seems to think it's not an issue, I need to stop getting stressed and it's all OK. I already think I'm not going to be able to speak to them and things are going to go downhill between the in-laws and I. According to my wife, not being able to speak to them = them thinking I am deliberately being haughty / supercilious. :mad:

daisy_1571 wrote: »

Alex, Alex, Alex. I am starting off with a confession about 2 meals in my house, some instructions and am going to end with an apology so sorry for long post.
Please do not stress so much over something that is meant to be enjoyable or you will end up hating every moment of it and regretting it later. I know I like things to be just as I imagine them in my head and one year I had my family round (my mum and dad, Mr Daisy's mum and dad, my two brothers, my two sis-in-laws, 2 young nephews) and we didn't have a lot of space so got a table up in our second bedroom (the only other room in our house that was not our bedroom or our livingroom) as best we could and I thought the kids would want to eat in the livingroom in front of the tv. Of course, they wanted to be in with us so everyone was squashed round a wee table on different chairs including plastic garden ones with cushions to make them comfier in our tip of a room with stuff piled in the corners cos there was nowhere else for it to go. Simply because that wasn't how I had imagined it to be, I was all stressed out and probably made people uncomfortable just because I found it hard to cope rather than them being uncomfortable because they were in our wee room. Looking back I cant believe it was so important to me. I should have just relaxed and enjoyed the fact these young kids wanted to be with us, talking and laughing instead of watching tv and I regret not being free enough to do that. Years later I had same combo to xmas dinner, by this time we had an extension so plenty room but still a dining table that only seats 6 comfortably so we did the card-table-pushed-at-the-end thing and mum brought some folding chairs and I dug out whatever I could (computer chair etc), we had a gas power cut that morning so no central heating but we all just snuggled in with fleeces and blankets and a few electric fires plugged in and I was relaxed about it all (electric cooker :rotfl:) and it was the best xmas ever. By xmas the next year we had lost both my in-laws and my dad was no longer as able and I cherish every flippin' moment of memories about that chaotic, wonderful xmas. So enjoy your better relationship with your in-law family, enjoy seeing your son interact with them and just relax - its just a meal, everyone will be fine.

Now for the apology. I read your rich house, poor house thing with interest. We didn't watch it but I get the idea from your description. I hope you will now have a better understanding of what our comments have been over the years when you just unconsciously say something that proves how out of my world you were brought up in (cant speak for others but by the comments there were more like me). Although things said sometimes seemed like we were all getting at you I know I sometimes shook my head in disbelief at some of the stuff and thought you must surely be joking with your attitudes. Even well off people must "know" how everyone else lives, I would think. Well, I'm sorry for those thoughts Alex. I never for one moment considered it from the other way. Seeing your genuine shock at literally "how the other half lives" I suddenly realized - How on earth are you meant to understand the choices, the lifestyle, the day to day stuff of a life other than your own any better than I could? Why could I accept I don't understand your life beginnings and yet just expect that you would somehow understand mine. That did not show much empathy so I apologize. It just shows that these tv programmes, that sometimes look manufactured or sensationalist do have very good reason for being made. It seems to have given you a real understanding into a life beyond your own and that can only stand you in very good stead for being a teacher. You already sound like a good one, I am sure you have it in you to be exceptional but remember - you are one person, you can only touch some people and not everyone will want, appreciate or need your help so you won't inspire everyone. Don't do nothing for the want of being able to do everything. No one is going to knock on your door and ask you to explain why YOU haven't created world peace yet. Be happy with the ones you do inspire.

Well done Alex. But now relax please !!

oh. and go watch Overboard with Goldie Hawn. There is a rather profound little moment when Roddy McDowall tells her she has been fortunate to have been able to briefly live two lives (or something like that).

Daisy

Thanks, Daisy.

I want everything to work out and for my guests to have a good time. I don't want to spoil anything but I'm very stressed and can't relax. Can hardly tell my guests I'm struggling to communicate with them because they and my house is causing me a great deal of anxiety. I'm concerned this is going to go wrong and feelings of not being adequate are coming back.

My wife has told me to watch another episode this evening as she believes I'd stop being so concerned about all of this. I realise I've been rather sheltered for the vast majority of my life, still am in some ways.

SingleSue

A small house was never our issue (my parent's house has plenty of space) just a large family!

Our problem was my parents assumed that once we had all moved out and had families of our own, that they would no longer be hosting Christmas so they downsized their furniture to suit just the two of them plus occasional guests .....it didn't quite work out that way as they had the large house and we all had the small houses, so we (as in 9 grandchildren, 3 children plus spouses and two mothers in law) descended on them. They've now upsized the dining table again but there can still be a lack of matching chairs.