Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

It sounds like counselling is a good starting point whatever ends up happening Alex, try and keep your spirits up

CathT wrote: »

Sorry to hear this Alex, counselling sounds like it may be a step forward for you.

SingleSue wrote: »

Sorry to hear your news Alex xx

Thanks all.

We have had counselling before, it helped greatly but she has since betrayed my trust. I know I'm not the man she married and we've been through a lot together. However, had I just said it didn't matter, let's carry on as if she said nothing I think every effort I've put in to gain a little self respect would have gone out of the window. I don't want to trigger another breakdown, equally I want to sort the problems in my marriage, for it not to be as it is. Though I know I run the risk of having to walk away from it if that is the right thing.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Sorry to hear your news Alex, I had hoped things had improved. I have to agree that if MrsK has no respect for you then any sort of future would be very difficult to contemplate. Counselling has to be worth a try.

Meanwhile, I'm delighted your parents are helping to give LittleK a good Christmas and I expect Christmas dinner this time will be the best in years. Have you done the Aldi trip yet?;)

Thanks, maman.

Things had improved until she told me something completely out of the blue.

My parents have been wonderful, they even set up an elf hunt this morning (he'd managed to get himself 'lost' only leaving a few 'clues' for where to find him) as he reports back to Santa this evening not to be seen until next year. I was quite shocked about this myself. The clues were bits of food and empty packets / bottles around the house with the odd note, obviously father's handwriting but I don't think my son picked up on this.

Food for Christmas has all been bought. My son and I are going to make a few sweet treats tomorrow. Boxing day we're still visiting the in-laws as they invited my son and I to spend the day with them.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Sorry to hear your news Alex. God bless and keep you and little K.

Thank you, smallholding.

AlexLK

Today has been a strange day and unexpectedly expensive. My wife invited my son and I out for lunch as she finished work early for Christmas today. I agreed to go along, we all ordered food and she said she missed us. Son replied "I haven't missed you" and she just left. My son and I ate before getting a few last minute (unplanned) things for Christmas. Money spent that I don't really have, to be honest. This does remind me that I need to be making some money over 2017 as I do not want to be completely reliant on my parents or unable to pay for things.

My parents asked if things don't work out whether or not I plan to move back to the house or buy somewhere else. The thought of moving back there or finding a new place hadn't crossed my mind.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

. Son replied "I haven't missed you" and she just left.

How does the saying go - "as ye sow so shall ye reap".

Very sorry to hear the news Alex - hope things get resolved peacefully one way or the other xx

Watty1

Alex I am sorry to hear the news. I had a wry smile at little AK's comment though. Out of the mouths of babes. And yet I know your son would miss you above everything. Counselling may help, but only if you want the same solution. I've been for counselling many times, a couple of them just playing the game to get me off the hook - not entirely proud of that but it is true and so I know it can be done.


I hope things are resolved one way or the other, and Alex, I actually do think, having read your diaries that you can meet whatever comes head on and deal with it. Hang in there

maman

Thinking of you Alex. I do hope you and LittleK are enjoying the break.


LittleK is obviously angry with his mum but don't be surprised if he has a go at you sometime either. He's probably unhappy that the status quo has been upset.


What has surprised and pleased me is that your parents haven't jumped on the idea of you moving back in with them on a permanent basis. I suppose part of that is that wearing their business hats they don't see why you should walk away from the financial investment in the house (which IIRC is partly down to them).


I suppose counselling is the next step but agree with Watty that you both have to want it to succeed but not at any cost.

AlexLK

gallygirl wrote: »

How does the saying go - "as ye sow so shall ye reap".

Very sorry to hear the news Alex - hope things get resolved peacefully one way or the other xx

Thank you, Gally.

She doesn't put the effort in with parenting. However, I did not realise until Boxing Day just how upset my wife is after my in-laws filled me in. Somehow I've managed to stay in their good graces, it's my wife they are unhappy with.

Watty1 wrote: »

Alex I am sorry to hear the news. I had a wry smile at little AK's comment though. Out of the mouths of babes. And yet I know your son would miss you above everything. Counselling may help, but only if you want the same solution. I've been for counselling many times, a couple of them just playing the game to get me off the hook - not entirely proud of that but it is true and so I know it can be done.


I hope things are resolved one way or the other, and Alex, I actually do think, having read your diaries that you can meet whatever comes head on and deal with it. Hang in there

Thank you, Watty. Can't say I'm sure about dealing with whatever comes, though I hope I can.

I know that counselling gives no guarantees, though I don't think a solution can be met without at least trying to understand. As much as I want to remain married and these past few weeks have been difficult, I've not been worried about whether she'll push me down the stairs or decide that everything she earns is her's despite usually sharing or about whether she is faithful. The decision I made has not been taken lightly and I really hope that trust will be rebuilt.

maman wrote: »

Thinking of you Alex. I do hope you and LittleK are enjoying the break.

LittleK is obviously angry with his mum but don't be surprised if he has a go at you sometime either. He's probably unhappy that the status quo has been upset.

What has surprised and pleased me is that your parents haven't jumped on the idea of you moving back in with them on a permanent basis. I suppose part of that is that wearing their business hats they don't see why you should walk away from the financial investment in the house (which IIRC is partly down to them).

I suppose counselling is the next step but agree with Watty that you both have to want it to succeed but not at any cost.

Thank you, maman. We've had a good Christmas. My parents enjoyed my Christmas food. My son had some fantastic gifts and had a nice time helping me make food and playing music. My wife came over for an hour on Christmas day evening, though she didn't want to speak to my son which made things quite difficult. Today has been my birthday, mother and father insist on making a fuss, though they did give me a very nice watch, so I'm not going to complain. My wife came over for dinner.

At the moment my son thinks I'm helping my parents out. My wife and I haven't mentioned anything to him about our relationship; we are going to wait for a few months to see what happens.

Funny you should mention the house, I had some lengthy discussions about it with my parents today should things not improve. Father told me that he now thinks I'm "showing signs of responsibility" after going through my finances and showing him I've been pragmatic about the roof replacement and overpaying the mortgage. There were both convinced that I was in another financial mess until I showed them that I've been saving anything extra that I've earned towards the roof replacement / cars / overpayment / other things. As parents, they want me to stay at home but think it would be better for me if I completed the house and paid the mortgage off as they think that should give me a sense of achievement and self worth that I wouldn't have otherwise. They trust I will not get into more debt which I'm not sure they could quite believe they were saying! Not sure if my father was joking but he said he is proud of my achievements with sorting my finances out. Mother told me today that she and father were very reluctant to make some decisions they did re. their business dealings and me but they are glad they did and they want me to consider myself their partner in business. Can't say I've ever had a conversation with my parents that hasn't ended with me wondering whether I'm still a schoolboy until today. Don't want to be a let down after this.

smallholdingsister

Hi Alex. Did your wife actually articulate that she didn't want to speak to Little K?

Chin up BTW we are rooting for you.

cazmanian_minx

AlexLK wrote: »

Thank you, Gally.

However, I did not realise until Boxing Day just how upset my wife is after my in-laws filled me in. Somehow I've managed to stay in their good graces, it's my wife they are unhappy with.

Father told me that he now thinks I'm "showing signs of responsibility" after going through my finances and showing him I've been pragmatic about the roof replacement and overpaying the mortgage. There were both convinced that I was in another financial mess until I showed them that I've been saving anything extra that I've earned towards the roof replacement / cars / overpayment / other things. As parents, they want me to stay at home but think it would be better for me if I completed the house and paid the mortgage off as they think that should give me a sense of achievement and self worth that I wouldn't have otherwise. They trust I will not get into more debt which I'm not sure they could quite believe they were saying! Not sure if my father was joking but he said he is proud of my achievements with sorting my finances out. Mother told me today that she and father were very reluctant to make some decisions they did re. their business dealings and me but they are glad they did and they want me to consider myself their partner in business.

Alex, I'm sorry about your current difficulties with your marriage, but listen to you :D:D What a HUGE difference from when you first arrived on MSE - be very, very, very proud of yourself, not just for the way you're now handling your finances, but for how you've grown in your relationship with your parents and your in-laws. :beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer:

Watty1

AlexLK wrote: »

She doesn't put the effort in with parenting. However, I did not realise until Boxing Day just how upset my wife is after my in-laws filled me in. Somehow I've managed to stay in their good graces, it's my wife they are unhappy with.

Wow! What a turn around. Good for you!! I love that they are appreciating how much you do, and, that they are listening to you and you to them. After all you've written about the inlaws this was just a heartwarming read.

AlexLK wrote: »

Funny you should mention the house, I had some lengthy discussions about it with my parents today should things not improve. Father told me that he now thinks I'm "showing signs of responsibility" after going through my finances and showing him I've been pragmatic about the roof replacement and overpaying the mortgage. There were both convinced that I was in another financial mess until I showed them that I've been saving anything extra that I've earned towards the roof replacement / cars / overpayment / other things. As parents, they want me to stay at home but think it would be better for me if I completed the house and paid the mortgage off as they think that should give me a sense of achievement and self worth that I wouldn't have otherwise. They trust I will not get into more debt which I'm not sure they could quite believe they were saying! Not sure if my father was joking but he said he is proud of my achievements with sorting my finances out. Mother told me today that she and father were very reluctant to make some decisions they did re. their business dealings and me but they are glad they did and they want me to consider myself their partner in business. Can't say I've ever had a conversation with my parents that hasn't ended with me wondering whether I'm still a schoolboy until today. Don't want to be a let down after this.

Errr - have I slipped into an alternative reality? What have you done with Alex?
Seriously this is wonderful to read.
Whatever happens from here, you should bookmark this post. Tempers may fray, things may be said in the heat of the moment, but you have certainly tuned a big corner and even your parents have recognised it. Bookmark this so you can remember that, in the calm, you have achieved and that has been recognised. Go you!!