Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

I think I disagree Alex, privilege shouldn't be home /food /clothes and a bit of money left over but nowadays I think it IS that.

The hunger hurts article is extreme, but I think many people may have had perhaps had similar experiences to differing degrees. I know me and my dh have had times years ago when the kids were tiny when it's was 9p tins of beans on toast for a week, not all all as bad as the article of course, but I think far more people than you might think have had financial hardship if only temporarily.

I have to ask, how did the lady at school only know what you do at school but make all those assumptions about you and your background?

That is exactly why I was particularly irked; he (don't know why you're all presuming a 'she'?) knew nothing about me and yet from the conversation we had came to some kind of twisted conclusion.

I have dealt with financial hardship myself, NG. When my wife wanted separate finances, I was left with practically nothing. There were times I wondered if my card was going to be declined and had to use business money for personal spending (not frivolous things, either). I suppose I could've gone to my parents but decided it was something I needed to deal with myself.

SingleSue wrote: »

When my marriage broke up, ex decided it would be a good hoot to clear out the (joint) bank accounts and leave me with all the month's bills with just my part time earnings pay...oh and 3 small children at home.

I suppose I can see where he was coming from, he was moving out and needed money to pay for his new digs, furnish it and have fun money would have been his simplistic view but I can never forgive him for putting us through that. All the savings cleared out, the current account cleared out, all gone and bills (which included his as well), coming out of my ears.

I've no idea how we got through, a lot of that time has been blanked from my memory, I know it involved lots of sacks of potatoes and tins of beans but we got some relief when I got my Christmas bonus and Christmas savings came through from work and the top up benefits started up, only for my card to then be cloned 3 days later and 2 days before Christmas! Thankfully the money was back in my account very quickly and the culprits caught...they were described as the most inept criminals as they had actually booked a holiday, in their own names, with an invoice to their own address with my money and thought they could get away with it.

Christmas that year was the most depressing one I can remember. The boys had gone from a dual income, fairly comfortably off family to one where all mum could afford to buy for them was a couple of quids worth (quite literally) of presents. Not that they complained though, eldest was old enough (only just 12 but was mature beyond his years due to being a young carer) to be able to understand there was not the money to treat them with and he explained to his younger siblings so that when I went to talk to them about it and apologise, they said it was ok, they didn't need expensive presents or indeed any presents at all.

We've been a team ever since, they have never demanded toys or gadgets despite the peer pressure and will work within the budget I have set, they have never complained that such and such has *insert latest craze* because I have always been very open with them and all this despite having had an upbringing of plenty prior to that.

newgirly wrote: »

Wow what a story Sue, I hope things are much happier for you all now, it sounds like you are the one that came out of that marriage with all that matters, your kids should be so proud of their mum

I agree with NG and you know I have a lot of respect for you, Sue.

I've also managed to avert my son wanting the latest children's crazes, something I'm pleased about as a lot of these things don't seem to be good value for money or well made toys that will last a long time and the child will hold fond memories of.

SingleSue

Secret_Saving_Squirrel wrote: »

Being privately educated, having parents to bail you out when you mess up in your youth, and the expectation of a large inheritance makes you privileged. Very privileged.

As a tiny bit of balance as I fear Alex is getting a little slammed here and like all of us, is unable to change the life he was born into.

I wasn't privately educated but I did all the right things when I was young, riding lessons, dance lessons, music lessons, swimming lessons...you name it, I had the opportunity to do it.

My parents have also helped out enormously since my divorce financially, ok it was strictly on a loan basis (my rules not theirs) but that help was still there.

Finally re an inheritance, barring either of them having to go into a care home, the 3 of us (myself and siblings), will receive a comfortable amount, not a huge amount but certainly an amount which could buy me a small property outright for my older years when the children have finally flown the nest.

Alex - I can see why you were irked. I have similar feelings when it is assumed that because I am a single parent who has to rely on benefits, I won't care a jot for the boys education, or that they feel they have to use really small words and explain in really simplistic terms, or of course, that I have loose morals, a good for nothing single mother who had babies to get a house.

My next door neighbour was like that, she moved up after my marriage broke down and just made assumptions until a good friend put her right, not intentionally, he just started talking about the ex husband. After refusing to have anything to do with me for a few years, all of a sudden I am worthy to be greeted and spoken to :rotfl:

SingleSue

AlexLK wrote: »

I hope everything runs smoothly for you then, Sue.

A bit ashamed to admit this but a few years ago, I'd have been going to my parents / adding to a credit card. My wife and I were really terrible with money (spent absolutely all our income and more every month).

You and me both Alex!

A little secret, I do run to the parents and ask for help if it is for something really important and cannot wait. Up until last year, dad would pay for any repairs and the MOT on the car and I would pay him back weekly in smaller amounts that I could manage.

They actually insisted on it being that way, with my car on the road, I could take them shopping or run errands for them, if I didn't have a car, then they would have to do it themselves, so in their minds, short term pain for long term gain

SingleSue

AlexLK wrote: »

I agree with NG and you know I have a lot of respect for you, Sue.

I've also managed to avert my son wanting the latest children's crazes, something I'm pleased about as a lot of these things don't seem to be good value for money or well made toys that will last a long time and the child will hold fond memories of.

Aww thanks Alex.

I had a conversation with another neighbour a few years back and she couldn't fathom why mine were happy with smaller presents whilst hers were demanding ever more expensive ones and having tantrums when they didn't get them (for context, these were not young children but adult ones!). Turns out she gave them everything they wanted when they were younger, getting into horrendous debt to do so and they had come to expect it.

Mine would keep up with the latest crazes on the cheaper end of the scale and if any present went over my limit, they didn't mind if more than one person put into the kitty to buy it. For the larger purchases (i.e games systems or laptops), they saved up their own money, sold stuff and earned via odd jobs and purchased them themselves. Took youngest two years to save up enough to build his own computer but he did it.

AlexLK

Secret_Saving_Squirrel wrote: »

Being privately educated, having parents to bail you out when you mess up in your youth, and the expectation of a large inheritance makes you privileged. Very privileged.

I suppose on a day-to-day basis I don't see the benefit of these things and think it 'normal' rather than 'privileged'. However, the fact my parents did do well for themselves financially hangs over me constantly because I have failed to.

The only benefit that I currently see from my parents at the moment is a directorship and small salary for looking after their rental properties.

Bluefire wrote: »

No, selling one of your multiple cars in order to fund a roof repair doesn't count as you not being privileged I'm afraid.

I'm arriving at the conclusion that I've written / thought some rather foolish and perhaps naïve things. Though, I stand by being irked by someone making an assumption I'm "obviously privileged". Within that school I've been called a "toff" and other names by people who don't know anything about me. It would be completely inappropriate for me to derive and voice my conclusions about others from the manner in which they present themselves (only possible way I can think they are perhaps coming to such conclusions), yet it seems reasonable for them to make comments about me.

SingleSue

Alex - You have not failed, you are living your life, making your own way (now at least) and bringing up a lovely, polite little boy who absolutely adores you.

Your life is just different to your parent's life but it is not a failed life.

AlexLK

SingleSue wrote: »

As a tiny bit of balance as I fear Alex is getting a little slammed here and like all of us, is unable to change the life he was born into.

I wasn't privately educated but I did all the right things when I was young, riding lessons, dance lessons, music lessons, swimming lessons...you name it, I had the opportunity to do it.

My parents have also helped out enormously since my divorce financially, ok it was strictly on a loan basis (my rules not theirs) but that help was still there.

Finally re an inheritance, barring either of them having to go into a care home, the 3 of us (myself and siblings), will receive a comfortable amount, not a huge amount but certainly an amount which could buy me a small property outright for my older years when the children have finally flown the nest.

Alex - I can see why you were irked. I have similar feelings when it is assumed that because I am a single parent who has to rely on benefits, I won't care a jot for the boys education, or that they feel they have to use really small words and explain in really simplistic terms, or of course, that I have loose morals, a good for nothing single mother who had babies to get a house.

My next door neighbour was like that, she moved up after my marriage broke down and just made assumptions until a good friend put her right, not intentionally, he just started talking about the ex husband. After refusing to have anything to do with me for a few years, all of a sudden I am worthy to be greeted and spoken to :rotfl:

Sue, I'm ashamed to admit I used to have some very negative opinions of those in a similar situation to yours. I have started to appreciate there are all kinds of reasons people can get into a bad situation and now think we have a responsibility to help those dealing with hard times. Still have no time for those seeking state help as a lifestyle choice, though.

SingleSue wrote: »

You and me both Alex!

A little secret, I do run to the parents and ask for help if it is for something really important and cannot wait. Up until last year, dad would pay for any repairs and the MOT on the car and I would pay him back weekly in smaller amounts that I could manage.

They actually insisted on it being that way, with my car on the road, I could take them shopping or run errands for them, if I didn't have a car, then they would have to do it themselves, so in their minds, short term pain for long term gain

SingleSue wrote: »

Aww thanks Alex.

I had a conversation with another neighbour a few years back and she couldn't fathom why mine were happy with smaller presents whilst hers were demanding ever more expensive ones and having tantrums when they didn't get them (for context, these were not young children but adult ones!). Turns out she gave them everything they wanted when they were younger, getting into horrendous debt to do so and they had come to expect it.

Mine would keep up with the latest crazes on the cheaper end of the scale and if any present went over my limit, they didn't mind if more than one person put into the kitty to buy it. For the larger purchases (i.e games systems or laptops), they saved up their own money, sold stuff and earned via odd jobs and purchased them themselves. Took youngest two years to save up enough to build his own computer but he did it.

I have been very careful to ensure my son doesn't expect to get absolutely everything he wants as I think it is rather unhealthy.

Anyhow, after a good day, I failed to get to sleep this evening. Must try again.

SingleSue

I am also ashamed to admit I felt the same way about those on benefits and was incredibly vocal and judgmental, karma got its own back on me big time.

I've learned my lesson now....

zcrat41

Alex you might not be aware how you come across. By even talking about Discoveries you are contempla a car that for most people is a very expensive option.

I do think your colleague was rude though.

EatingTheElephant

AlexLK wrote: »

Ate a frozen cottage pie this evening which was absolutely delicious!
.

Did no one else spot this? Well done Alex :T