Renovations and Repayments.

newgirly

You have nearly 8 cars :eek:

Classic car hire business ? I was only looking the other day to see how much they charge

SingleSue

I've been reading your diary (yes the whole thing!) over the last 4 or 5 days and I have a few observations to make.

Alex, you are not useless, you are not a failure. You are a wonderful father who helps his son to learn not just the usual school stuff but also things from the wider world (nature etc).

You also help others through your voluntary teaching, as a parent of a child (well he is a hulking great adult now), who is musically talented, I would have loved to have had a source of low cost or free music lessons. Ok, you will get the ones who are unappreciative but there are still parents out there who live in social housing and/or on benefits who would worship what you are doing.

You may not be earning the same as your wife but you have been doing the very very important job of bringing up your son, a contribution to a marriage and a home is not all about how much is brought into the home and your role has been and still is, just as important as your wife's.

A lot of what you have posted resonates with me. I too wanted to retrain once the children had started school, I too was met with the response of a non supportive partner. Our situation was complicated by the disabilities in the younger two boys, something my now ex husband couldn't comtemplate dealing with if I went ahead and finally realised my dream career. He was quite happy to leave me to doing all the care, the appointments, the stressing but at the same time, was also very critical about the fact my earning capacity was much reduced because of doing so.

I too was called a failure, a waste of space.

Alongside my supportive notes, I also have to comment on the less kind comments regarding your in laws or those who live in social housing. I live in social housing, I am also completely reliant on benefits yet I have always been a very supportive parent when it comes to education and have fought very very hard to make sure the children do not go without educationally.

My two older children are now at university (the middle one studying music, he is pretty much all self taught as I could not afford music lessons after paying out for his instruments) and the youngest son will be going to university next September. Not a lot special in that you may say but when you consider eldest son struggled as a young carer and was diagnosed with a lifelong debilitating disability 2 days before his GCSEs started, middle son was classed as 'unteachable' at age 7 and youngest son was never expected by the medical professionals to even do GCSEs, it really is a turnaround.

Like you, I have worked very hard to teach them the extra things that the schools would not or could not offer. This has been made harder because with the two younger ones and their disabilities, the local schools had written them off before they had even started! I filled that hole in their education just as you are doing with your son and that is so far from you being useless or worthless, it actually makes you a pretty amazing person.

Hope I haven't upset or offended you with any of my comments above but I felt forced to comment because you don't seem to realise how wonderful a good part of your actions are, you are giving back to the community and to your family in a way which is way better than just chucking a few quid at it.

LadyGnome

newgirly wrote: »

You have nearly 8 cars :eek:

Classic car hire business ? I was only looking the other day to see how much they charge

You may be on to something there...:D

Alex although you might not always be able to see it, you have made a huge amount of progress. Every pound you save for work on the house is a step away from your former spending patterns; every pound you overpay is a step closer to financial independence (and I include independence from your parents in that).

I think CBT might be a good idea now. You are starting to see that your thought patterns don't always match the reality of the situation.

It also strikes me that you have carved your own path with your son. You haven't replicated the workaholic pattern of your parents but instead have made time to enjoy your son's childhood with him. The time you have spent with him is more precious than money.

katep23

AlexLK wrote: »

Currently got 7 cars, will soon be 8 and it's getting unmanageable.

Oh thank you, someone with more cars than me and my OH! I feel quite restrained now with our 6 cars, van and 3 motorbikes

A_Frayed_Knot

AlexLK wrote: »

Declutter will be something that happens very slowly but I do intend for it to happen, at least.

I think you have the right attitude. Unfortunately, I don't.

Challenge 3 was meant to be to sell the cars I'd bought to sell but we're going away at the end of the month so may I make it to update my spreadsheet everyday, please?

Decluttering - take one shelf/drawer/cupboard and start with that - that's what I usually do, and find 1 drawer is not enough and end up decluttering the chest of drawers (3)

Attitude is what you make it - My glass is nearly always half full
Your Challenge 3 - you can make it your spreadsheets :T great idea :beer: whatever you feel comfy with - don't think for a minute it will be easy, it will take commitment to update daily :eek:

Meanwhile if the opportunity arises don't let the thought that you are going on holiday at the end of the month hold you back from preparing/advertising/selling the cars. You still have at least 3 weeks ?

Hope I haven't put you off

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

You have nearly 8 cars :eek:

Classic car hire business ? I was only looking the other day to see how much they charge

Yes.

Currently: Land Rover Defender (staying), LR Discovery (going), Jaguar XJ6 S1 (staying), Jaguar XE (arriving), Triumph GT6 (staying), Triumph saloon (going), Triumph TR6 (going), BMW 530i (going).

Re. the hire business, I don't mind selling cars but wouldn't want to have them hired by people, a lot simply don't have a clue and have no mechanical sympathy whatsoever.

katep23 wrote: »

Oh thank you, someone with more cars than me and my OH! I feel quite restrained now with our 6 cars, van and 3 motorbikes

:rotfl: Are you into classics too?

Wife has still got a motorbike, I haven't anymore. She rode it once last summer to a show, son and I went in the GT6... which got more attention.

AlexLK

SingleSue wrote: »

I've been reading your diary (yes the whole thing!) over the last 4 or 5 days and I have a few observations to make.

Alex, you are not useless, you are not a failure. You are a wonderful father who helps his son to learn not just the usual school stuff but also things from the wider world (nature etc).

You also help others through your voluntary teaching, as a parent of a child (well he is a hulking great adult now), who is musically talented, I would have loved to have had a source of low cost or free music lessons. Ok, you will get the ones who are unappreciative but there are still parents out there who live in social housing and/or on benefits who would worship what you are doing.

You may not be earning the same as your wife but you have been doing the very very important job of bringing up your son, a contribution to a marriage and a home is not all about how much is brought into the home and your role has been and still is, just as important as your wife's.

A lot of what you have posted resonates with me. I too wanted to retrain once the children had started school, I too was met with the response of a non supportive partner. Our situation was complicated by the disabilities in the younger two boys, something my now ex husband couldn't comtemplate dealing with if I went ahead and finally realised my dream career. He was quite happy to leave me to doing all the care, the appointments, the stressing but at the same time, was also very critical about the fact my earning capacity was much reduced because of doing so.

I too was called a failure, a waste of space.

Alongside my supportive notes, I also have to comment on the less kind comments regarding your in laws or those who live in social housing. I live in social housing, I am also completely reliant on benefits yet I have always been a very supportive parent when it comes to education and have fought very very hard to make sure the children do not go without educationally.

My two older children are now at university (the middle one studying music, he is pretty much all self taught as I could not afford music lessons after paying out for his instruments) and the youngest son will be going to university next September. Not a lot special in that you may say but when you consider eldest son struggled as a young carer and was diagnosed with a lifelong debilitating disability 2 days before his GCSEs started, middle son was classed as 'unteachable' at age 7 and youngest son was never expected by the medical professionals to even do GCSEs, it really is a turnaround.

Like you, I have worked very hard to teach them the extra things that the schools would not or could not offer. This has been made harder because with the two younger ones and their disabilities, the local schools had written them off before they had even started! I filled that hole in their education just as you are doing with your son and that is so far from you being useless or worthless, it actually makes you a pretty amazing person.

Hope I haven't upset or offended you with any of my comments above but I felt forced to comment because you don't seem to realise how wonderful a good part of your actions are, you are giving back to the community and to your family in a way which is way better than just chucking a few quid at it.

Thank you for the message. I'm not offended at all (actually takes quite a lot ). Sorry to hear about your ex-husband. I'm starting to realise some people don't have family money and assets to rely on. Probably sounds a bit embarrassing but I never considered this until fairly recently.

I have recently come across a few people through my teaching who live in social housing and/or claiming government benefits who are decent people. However, I'm afraid to say the majority aren't. Always trying to be more tolerant but sometimes it's quite difficult especially when being called derogatory names by some pupils / parents.

I think I remember talking to you on here about your son studying Music before. Does sound like you've done really well with your children.

LadyGnome wrote: »

You may be on to something there...:D

Alex although you might not always be able to see it, you have made a huge amount of progress. Every pound you save for work on the house is a step away from your former spending patterns; every pound you overpay is a step closer to financial independence (and I include independence from your parents in that).

I think CBT might be a good idea now. You are starting to see that your thought patterns don't always match the reality of the situation.

It also strikes me that you have carved your own path with your son. You haven't replicated the workaholic pattern of your parents but instead have made time to enjoy your son's childhood with him. The time you have spent with him is more precious than money.

Thanks. Definitely trying to improve the finances. Funnily enough my wife was talking about living here giving us independence from my parents and them not being able to tell us how to decorate, what time to eat dinner etc. etc. I spoke to her about spending today and said I'd be happy for her to spend every penny of her wages if we sold the house and lived with my parents but she doesn't want to do that.

My thought patterns are skewed, I know that much. Also know I need to move on; I don't want to pass on the negative thought patterns to my son.

Always have tried my best to be there for my son, it has always been something very important to me.

AlexLK

A_Frayed_Knot wrote: »

Decluttering - take one shelf/drawer/cupboard and start with that - that's what I usually do, and find 1 drawer is not enough and end up decluttering the chest of drawers (3)

Attitude is what you make it - My glass is nearly always half full
Your Challenge 3 - you can make it your spreadsheets :T great idea :beer: whatever you feel comfy with - don't think for a minute it will be easy, it will take commitment to update daily :eek:

Meanwhile if the opportunity arises don't let the thought that you are going on holiday at the end of the month hold you back from preparing/advertising/selling the cars. You still have at least 3 weeks ?

Hope I haven't put you off

:rotfl: One is always enough for me. I have hoarding tendencies and usually don't throw things away for fear it may one day be "useful".

I know you're right re. attitude, though not sure how to go from my glass being empty to half full.

I couldn't be bothered with my spreadsheet today. I've been at the school all day and only finished my other work at 8pm then had to cook dinner. However, you've reminded me, I'm going to update. Also this has been the first high spend day and I don't want to admit it even though none of it has been frivolous.

AlexLK

Well, I've updated the spreadsheet despite the money spent. Not looking great and a ???? Mrs K spend too. Will update the spreadsheet when the transaction amounts come through to the bank. Really not feeling good about the spreadsheet the moment it's not positive.

A_Frayed_Knot

There is always going to be days where the spend is high but tomorrow is another day and hopefully this is where a few nsd days (or low spend days) during the month help counteract the high spend days.

This is when I focus on clawing back my extra ££, my bonus from H@lid@x, the bay of e sales, surveys, bank interest, etc etc. - feel like that it's all "free" money :rotfl:


You've heard of Tilly's Tidies, at the end of each week, you could always tidy down your bank balances and o/p to your mortgage. It may only be a £5 or so, but over the month it will make a difference, doesn't suit everyone (by that I mean - me) but does suit some (most).


Just a thought, and when (once) the weather changes - get out there and get the car(s) glammed up