Renovations and Repayments.

hiddenshadow

AlexLK wrote: »

Starting to try to use computers to my advantage. One of the reasons I'm considering going down the Apple route is apparently if you've an iPhone, iPad and MacBook they all "talk" to each other and you've a diary / schedule which displays on each one despite only one being updated. Expensive to get set up, though.

Apple definitely does make this really simple, but you can achieve this with non-Apple products as well. I have 3 Google calendars (personal, household, work), and I can view them on my Macbook, Android phone, and web. Likewise with e-mail (all via Google), there are various apps for computer/phone that will show it, as well as the web.

It's no longer the case that Apple is the only/best option for having a simplified electronic life....and I say that as a lifelong fan of Apple products.

My wife is only willing to have separate bank accounts if she gets all her income, I have what I've earnt and we split the bills equally. I cannot afford to do this, don't want to ask my parents for more money as I appreciate their reasons and she doesn't want me to try for a new career. Nor would she support me whilst training. Perhaps says more about me than it does about her, though.

That sounds so unfair. Why should you pay half the bills if your income is so much lower? (Especially if she refuses to help you pursue something that you would enjoy/might pay more.) As other people have said, your childcare for LittleK adds value to the household as well. You don't strike me as the type to be sitting around eating bon-bons and luxuriating, even (especially?) on your black dog days.

newgirly

It does sound a very difficult situation, without your wife's support you have your hands tied to a large extent. It sounds like even if you persuade her to do things your way it is short lived.

Perhaps the differing opinions on where will end up being home is the issue?

Ali-OK

newgirly wrote: »

Perhaps the differing opinions on where will end up being home is the issue?

Nail on head!

Watty1

AlexLK wrote: »

Thanks Ali.

My online banking is often a few days behind and I forget what was bought with £x. As I am now checking my online banking, it's very frustrating when I can't work out what the outgoing £x was for. The problem is I'll need to start asking my wife what she's spent per day and I know she won't like that. :mad:

.

When I started I didn't ask Mr Watty. I just entered it as a Mr Watty spend. And I carried on for the month just entering Mr Watty spends as that . Then I did the second month and then the third. Mr Watty was very resistant to saying what he did and I simply said it didn't matter. I was happy tracking as I was as I could monitor the bills and the spends in "my arena". After about three months he looked through and saw that the "Mr Watty Spent" amount was rather high....he reduced it substantially. Now I suspect it wasn't in Mrs LK's range but still it worked.
You don't need to know what your wife spends it on - just that she spends it. That's all. Eventually she will see the evidence. I sometimes notice around here that if I am committed to doing something and do it Mr Watty joins in whereas if I talk to him about doing it and do it for a couple of days and leave it he carries on in his own little world.
Just an observation from our house

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

. Had to admit to my father I couldn't go out to dinner with my cousin and her family as we had to borrow from our savings to pay for some day to day expenses towards the end of this month. All paid back now but father once again thinks I'm being irresponsible which only leads to arguments about him believing I cannot be trusted with any amount of money.

And while I applaud you for being the gentleman, is your father aware that it's MrsK's frivolous spending that puts you in this position?

AlexLK wrote: »

My wife is only willing to have separate bank accounts if she gets all her income, I have what I've earnt and we split the bills equally. I cannot afford to do this, don't want to ask my parents for more money as I appreciate their reasons and she doesn't want me to try for a new career. Nor would she support me whilst training. Perhaps says more about me than it does about her, though.

ETA: It's got so bad recently that I half wish my wife would find a job somewhere else, we'd sell the house, my son and I would live with my parents and she'd buy somewhere else. I still hope she'd come back after a few years of growing up and we could spend weekends and holidays together but do wonder if a break would help. Never thought I'd be saying this.

Yet again I'm going to be waiting up for her wondering when she'll be back and what she's doing.

You know I'll never agree with that and the sooner you stop thinking it the better you'll feel.


MrsK is simply irresponsible in believing that her money is for her to do as she wishes once she's paid part of the bills (or rather before and hope there's enough left). She's not giving you any credit for what you bring to the family.

AlexLK

Well, the spreadsheet is set up and though it's the last day of the month I've entered my spends for today and wife's from yesterday and today. Tomorrow being the start of a new month will be when things start properly but no time like the present to get going. I suppose the spreadsheet will evolve as I go. Another reason I put off starting ... wanted to be able to use Excel "properly" first. :rotfl:

AlexLK

hiddenshadow wrote: »

You can still buy the "Classic" version here for £30: http://store.steampowered.com/app/227320/

The new version (which is all online, so you can't use it if your internet goes out) is $50/year recurring.

The one thing I love about YNAB (that I struggle to replicate with a spreadsheet) is the combination of zero-based budgeting (giving every pound a job, regardless of whether that's paying the mortgage, sitting in savings waiting to repair the roof, dinners out, etc) and the ability to access it on the go. If I'm at work and feel like I'd like to go out to eat for lunch rather than eat leftovers, I can check my personal spends money and see if I can afford it (as it's the end of the month,the answer is "no" ). If DH goes grocery shopping on his own at the weekend, I know how much is left in the grocery budget to spend on our T3sc0 delivery this week.

If you can get your wife on board with the finances in general, I personally have found that YNAB is really helpful for keeping you proactively aware of your finances as they happen, rather than reacting to things that have happened. It does require discipline in checking against what you planned to spend on something (groceries/lunches out/what-have-you) verses what you have already spent, and either not spending if you don't have anything left in that pot or consciously deciding that you want X more than you want [new roof/OP/whatever]. DH is so much more aware of our finances now, just because they're always there on his phone (I still manage the budget).

</soapbox>

All that said, a spreadsheet sounds like a brilliant start. You can get a lot of insight in how/why you're [as the LK household] spending your money. Plus there are all the pretty ways to represent things via graphs. :rotfl:

Thank you for the YNAB information. To be honest, I haven't a clue what amount to allocate. So will start with the spreadsheet for a few months and see if I can draw any conclusions from that.

hiddenshadow wrote: »

Apple definitely does make this really simple, but you can achieve this with non-Apple products as well. I have 3 Google calendars (personal, household, work), and I can view them on my Macbook, Android phone, and web. Likewise with e-mail (all via Google), there are various apps for computer/phone that will show it, as well as the web.

It's no longer the case that Apple is the only/best option for having a simplified electronic life....and I say that as a lifelong fan of Apple products.

That sounds so unfair. Why should you pay half the bills if your income is so much lower? (Especially if she refuses to help you pursue something that you would enjoy/might pay more.) As other people have said, your childcare for LittleK adds value to the household as well. You don't strike me as the type to be sitting around eating bon-bons and luxuriating, even (especially?) on your black dog days.

:rotfl: I need as simple as it gets to be persuaded to use technology.

Thanks though. I have a google account and shall look into whether I can start using that.

No, I don't just sit about doing nothing with my days. I spend a lot of time finding interesting and educational things to do with my son. Also, at the moment I'm doing a lot of music teaching work for free. Cutting a long story short I teach quite a few pupils at the volunteer school individually for nothing because their parents cannot afford lessons. One is going to be sitting Grade 5 violin soon and has started piano. Marked improvement in behaviour and GCSE work. She's gone from wanting to be "a model" and education being a waste of time to deciding she wishes to go to university to study Music. Considering this kid has been learning violin for 18 months, I don't see why she won't reach the required standard by the end of her A Levels. Probably sounds ridiculous but this makes me feel a bit better about myself and is one of the reasons I enjoy teaching. When I'm teaching the black dog seems largely kept at bay.

AlexLK

Ali-OK wrote: »

As this seems a 'no win' situation, can you ask her how she'd manage it if the roles were reversed? It'll either force a re-think on her part and hopefully a workable solution or an answer you probably don't want to hear...but are alluding to in that last post

I like my iPad but haven't gone down all @pple products route - I use a proper diary still! Emails still show on all my gadgets and that's enough for me..but then I'm not even into apps yet

:rotfl: I've asked her that once before her response was she wouldn't be so stupid as to end up in my position.

I still have a proper diary and won't give that up as I like writing with a pen. However, I'm discovering it's nice to have information available at all times.

newgirly wrote: »

It does sound a very difficult situation, without your wife's support you have your hands tied to a large extent. It sounds like even if you persuade her to do things your way it is short lived.

Perhaps the differing opinions on where will end up being home is the issue?

Ali-OK wrote: »

Nail on head!

Yes, she does exactly as she wishes. I somewhat admire her for it, to be honest.

I suppose you could be right about the house situation but that's not something I can change, even if it was I don't think I want to live in this house forever.

AlexLK

Watty1 wrote: »

When I started I didn't ask Mr Watty. I just entered it as a Mr Watty spend. And I carried on for the month just entering Mr Watty spends as that . Then I did the second month and then the third. Mr Watty was very resistant to saying what he did and I simply said it didn't matter. I was happy tracking as I was as I could monitor the bills and the spends in "my arena". After about three months he looked through and saw that the "Mr Watty Spent" amount was rather high....he reduced it substantially. Now I suspect it wasn't in Mrs LK's range but still it worked.
You don't need to know what your wife spends it on - just that she spends it. That's all. Eventually she will see the evidence. I sometimes notice around here that if I am committed to doing something and do it Mr Watty joins in whereas if I talk to him about doing it and do it for a couple of days and leave it he carries on in his own little world.
Just an observation from our house

Thanks, Watty. This is what I'm going to do (well had already started doing in the new spreadsheet).

I'm going to try not to be seen to be asking exactly what she is spending money on / taking out cash for and just record it for a few months. Going to show some level of commitment before trying to talk to her about it, I think.

maman wrote: »

And while I applaud you for being the gentleman, is your father aware that it's MrsK's frivolous spending that puts you in this position?

You know I'll never agree with that and the sooner you stop thinking it the better you'll feel.

MrsK is simply irresponsible in believing that her money is for her to do as she wishes once she's paid part of the bills (or rather before and hope there's enough left). She's not giving you any credit for what you bring to the family.

No, I haven't told my father anything of the sort. Not really sure what state I'd be in if I elaborated further about the relationship with my wife, to be honest. I find it's easier to not say anything. My parents think everything is fine.

Ultimately, I don't like the fact it has an effect on what my son can and cannot do. It wouldn't matter so much if she decided to spend money on taking him out to places rather than going out by herself. What hurts me the most is the fact she's not seen our son since yesterday morning and seemingly doesn't care. He's starting to question why his mother doesn't join us on days out and doesn't come to school events when everyone else's does. Today she's decided to go shopping with two friends which will end in her going out to dinner with the newly single one, more money spent and another day spent away from son and I. To be honest, I don't think she gives me credit because she sees no value in me always being around for our son.

DollyDee_2

Hi Alex

My spreadsheet is about the same as Ali-OK's. I've just checked and I started it in early 2005! Separate sheet for every month. I actually started in the early 1980's (showing my age) with an A4 lined pad, pencil & calculator then progressed to an excel spreadsheet. I used to save it to a floppy disk.

If you get your old bank statements out you will be able to enter all your direct debits, standing orders, salary etc and expand it from there. Use the closing balance from the "old" month's sheet to the opening balance onto the "new" month's sheet. Include birthdays with an estimate of what you will spend and car insurances, house insurance etc. Always check your spreadsheet against your bank account to ensure they balance.

We withdraw our weekly cash on Friday's when we do our shopping so I enter £xx.00 every Friday. We use Amex for all shopping, petrol etc and pay it off in full and get annual cashback on the anniversary of the card.

You can prepare as many months (sheets) in advance as you've got the stamina for. Once you've got the first sheet set up, copy it for the next month adding or deleting monthly one-offs (birthdays, insurance etc).

Good luck!