Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

Thanks, Dolly.

My father has diaries with similar records dating back to goodness knows when (I've seen ones pre-decimalisation). Still does it now, though absolutely no need to. However, I suppose old habits die hard. These days I wish my parents had taught me how to manage money when younger but it seems they (misguidedly) wanted to let me enjoy it.

I throw away bank statements as soon as they arrive. Harks back to being in debt and refusing to open letters I knew were bills. Still dread letters coming through the post even now. :rotfl: So many things I can't work out so I'm trying to start afresh by writing down what is being spent and where. I can copy over direct debits from my online banking, though.

My wife withdraws cash regularly. It was between £30-50 every working day not long ago but she's stopped doing this after I questioned what it was for. Recently it's been about £50-60 per week.

We have no credit cards. I understand they work for some people when budgeting but I don't want to be paying for my day to day expenditure in arrears again. Besides, I wouldn't be trusted by the bank to have one anyway!

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

My wife withdraws cash regularly. It was between £30-50 every working day not long ago but she's stopped doing this after I questioned what it was for. Recently it's been about £50-60 per week.

We have no credit cards. I understand they work for some people when budgeting but I don't want to be paying for my day to day expenditure in arrears again. Besides, I wouldn't be trusted by the bank to have one anyway!

Do you mean you don't have a credit card or that neither of you do? I can't see how MrsK can go out for a meal every Friday and go shopping on £60. Unless she goes to the chippy and Poundland! _:D

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Do you mean you don't have a credit card or that neither of you do? I can't see how MrsK can go out for a meal every Friday and go shopping on £60. Unless she goes to the chippy and Poundland! _:D

I don't have a credit card. Wife does but she tells me the balance is clear and it is for "emergencies", so doesn't count.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: She doesn't spend the cash on shopping / meals out, that comes out of the joint account. To be honest, if she had fish and chips followed by buying whatever tat you can find in Poundland I probably wouldn't be complaining. Well, apart from the Poundland stuff cheapening my house.

Tonight she's decided to stay at the friend's house as they are going out this evening. Apparently tomorrow they're staying in to watch some films and she'll be back for supper. It seems I really am married to a 34 year old teenager.

ourcornercottage

AlexLK wrote: »

Tonight she's decided to stay at the friend's house as they are going out this evening. Apparently tomorrow they're staying in to watch some films and she'll be back for supper. It seems I really am married to a 34 year old teenager.

you obviously know your wife well, but don't you think this strange behaviour for a married mum of one. Unless there were very important reasons for it, I can't quite believe films with a girlfriend is more important than time with her son, and husband come to that. You seem a very nice chap who has at times low self worth due to mental health issues. It appears your wife might well be taking advantage of that, or worse.

Sorry if this is out of turn but quite frankly you don't deserve to be treated like this and it makes me quite angry as from your posts it's obviously on your mind a lot and you seem to give yourself enough to worry about without her adding to it.

Once again sorry if out of turn but this sounds all wrong to me.

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

you obviously know your wife well, but don't you think this strange behaviour for a married mum of one. Unless there were very important reasons for it, I can't quite believe films with a girlfriend is more important than time with her son, and husband come to that. You seem a very nice chap who has at times low self worth due to mental health issues. It appears your wife might well be taking advantage of that, or worse.

Sorry if this is out of turn but quite frankly you don't deserve to be treated like this and it makes me quite angry as from your posts it's obviously on your mind a lot and you seem to give yourself enough to worry about without her adding to it.

Once again sorry if out of turn but this sounds all wrong to me.

My wife has always only ever wanted to play Mum when it suits her. I was the one to want a family (all my fault, as usual), she initially said she was happy whether we did or didn't but she's not developed much of a bond with our son. I think she loves him in her own way though and there are times that they have a nice time together. It does play on my mind a lot as I want him to have a Mum. It annoys me because she's very good at being a friend / work colleague.

Yes, I know she takes advantage though I'm beyond caring what she does to me, that doesn't matter.

DollyDee_2

Hi Alex

I realised belatedly that I probably shouldn't have mentioned the credit card and remembered you don't do a "big shop" once a week preferring to support your local independent shops which is good but you are out every day anyway and we aren't so once a week suits us.

When I first met my husband he was in debt. I didn't find out for a year. He was doing the ostrich thing - not opening post, not writing on cheque stubs (we're talking early 1980's here), throwing post away etc. I took over his finances and it took about 2 years to pay everything off and that's what started the early spreadsheets. It's quite funny because even now if he spends anything the first thing he does is hand the receipt over.

Sorry about your wife's behaviour, she's not helping at all. From what you've said, she's got a good job - engineer is it? Do her colleagues/friends behave the same? Seems like she's trying to cling to her youth/not accept responsibility or "keep up" with others. She is being very selfish. I could say more but won't as it doesn't help.

All the best.

p.s . I hope the bank statements etc are shredded before being thrown away?

AlexLK

DollyDee wrote: »

Hi Alex

I realised belatedly that I probably shouldn't have mentioned the credit card and remembered you don't do a "big shop" once a week preferring to support your local independent shops which is good but you are out every day anyway and we aren't so once a week suits us.

When I first met my husband he was in debt. I didn't find out for a year. He was doing the ostrich thing - not opening post, not writing on cheque stubs (we're talking early 1980's here), throwing post away etc. I took over his finances and it took about 2 years to pay everything off and that's what started the early spreadsheets. It's quite funny because even now if he spends anything the first thing he does is hand the receipt over.

Sorry about your wife's behaviour, she's not helping at all. From what you've said, she's got a good job - engineer is it? Do her colleagues/friends behave the same? Seems like she's trying to cling to her youth/not accept responsibility or "keep up" with others. She is being very selfish. I could say more but won't as it doesn't help.

All the best.

p.s . I hope the bank statements etc are shredded before being thrown away?

Yes, I still buy food almost every day. I can understand how it can be more convenient to shop for the week, personally I don't know what I'd like to eat from one day to the next and I'm not sure how we'd keep things bought at the beginning of the week from spoiling.

:rotfl: Re. the receipts! I avoid receipts but shouldn't as I know it's my own laziness, not being bothered to empty them from my wallet until it's unusable.

My wife's a structural engineer. Her friends (for the most part) have only just really started to settle down into marriage and starting families - she doesn't like it (they've less time for her). Don't really know any of her colleagues, apart from what she's told me about them. I suppose I've not been the greatest husband over the years and was a lot different when she met me. Sometimes I think she probably doesn't want me anymore but doesn't want to push me over the edge either.

Anyhow, it seems she's not spent a lot of money this weekend judging by the online banking. I've also kept my spreadsheet up to date with a £25 spend and £30 put into savings today. Son is currently at a school friend's house, really seems to be growing up at the moment. Tomorrow we've all got a day off so we're going to Buxton for a long walk and a picnic in the Land Rover, rain or not. Shouldn't cost any money.

Can't say I shred my statements, not sure why I would, either?

AlexLK

Well, after updating the spreadsheet, I've only just realised it's May. :rotfl: Copied / pasted into the new month.

Need to send some invoices out and have a go at writing up an electronic copy of my diary. Also need to do some work for my course.

This month I was meant to be getting a couple of cars sold: the one I bought to sell and the TR. However, we're going on holiday in 3 weeks. That's yet another **** up, as I thought my son had two weeks holiday from school but it's only one. School have been OK about it but I'm not sure how I missed it.

Can hardly concentrate on the most basic of tasks at the moment, never mind prepping two cars for sale, writing good adverts and dealing with enquiries. Starting to realise my mind really isn't in the right place at the moment and I can't stop thinking about the "what ifs" and past regrets.

smallholdingsister

What helps you to feel better Alex?
Can you do more of it?

LadyGnome

Alex, I've been reading through your diary over the last few days and I think it's clear that you have got your spending issues under control but your wife hasn't. She is prioritising her wants over the family's needs. There is not a lot you can do about it unless you are prepared to risk a major row which probably isn't something you would want to handle right now. I actually think you need to work on your spreadsheet for a bit so you have a clear view of the financial position so you can tackle her unemotionally with factual evidence.

One suggestion for your spreadsheet that works for me is that I split big annual bills like insurance into 12 monthly instalments and save one 12th each month. I have to pay £145 car tax at the end of the month. I have saved £13 per month since my last car tax payment and now have £156 sitting in my holding account (a savings a/c I use for saving up for bills etc). I estimate insurance costs by adding a bit to the last annual bill. It doesn't matter the estimate is not exact as any shortfall won't be major and any surplus is a ready made overpayment.