Renovations and Repayments.

newgirly

Very politely put Occ

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

You do well tolerating your father. It must require the patience of a saint.

He's become a lot worse over this last year. Did go through a time when I really thought he'd changed, was thrilled to be a grandfather, apologised for things that had happened in the past. All seems like a lie now.

ourcornercottage

AlexLK wrote: »

He's become a lot worse over this last year. Did go through a time when I really thought he'd changed, was thrilled to be a grandfather, apologised for things that had happened in the past. All seems like a lie now.

How old is your father? I don't want to upset you but is there any chance it could be the starts of dementia. My nan could be absolutely horrid at times as she got older, its part of it.

AlexLK

OOC, my father is 80 and I don't think this is the onset of dementia, he seems to still have a good memory. To be honest, I think it's just how he is, he wasn't particularly nice as a father when younger and the past is all he seems to talk about.

ljaneyr

Hi Alex I just found your diary but haven't had a chance to read back through it yet.

I just wanted to add that my dad had that type of personality change about 10 years before any other signs of dementia but it's probably nothing to worry about at your father's age, especially if he's always been a bit like that.

Do you feel that their success in terms of house and money has made them happy? It doesn't sound like it from what you write. I almost detect a hint of jealousy on their part of the life you've built because you haven't followed their example but have still achieved so much. You are happily married and have a wonderful relationship with your son. You have your business and are a successful music teacher. You have your own ideas and dreams and it sounds like you enjoy most of these things. It also sounds like they equate living in a 'two up two down' to being unhappy.

I have read from your posts on other threads that you don't want your son to follow your example but look to your parents but I think you're wrong. You sound like you have learnt from your mistakes and theirs, you have done so much to turn things around and create a happy childhood for him. Your parents sound like they have made better financial decisions but that is not what it takes to be a successful human and parent.

Sorry for waffling but I think you need to give yourself some credit. You can't change your upbringing, or your past mistakes, but you can change things for the future

heartbreak_star

ljaneyr wrote: »

Do you feel that their success in terms of house and money has made them happy? It doesn't sound like it from what you write. I almost detect a hint of jealousy on their part of the life you've built because you haven't followed their example but have still achieved so much. You are happily married and have a wonderful relationship with your son. You have your business and are a successful music teacher. You have your own ideas and dreams and it sounds like you enjoy most of these things. It also sounds like they equate living in a 'two up two down' to being unhappy.

I have read from your posts on other threads that you don't want your son to follow your example but look to your parents but I think you're wrong. You sound like you have learnt from your mistakes and theirs, you have done so much to turn things around and create a happy childhood for him. Your parents sound like they have made better financial decisions but that is not what it takes to be a successful human and parent.

Sorry for waffling but I think you need to give yourself some credit. You can't change your upbringing, or your past mistakes, but you can change things for the future

Ohhh this! All of this!

Am glad you are finding things you like about your house - and also about Mrs K's coffee money

Hurrah for 2016

HBS x

AlexLK

Thanks, ljaneyr. I daren't read back through this myself. I don't think I was really in a good place last year and unfortunately I do seem to write before thinking.

Father's personality has changed back, if anything.

I suppose what is meant by my comments regarding not wanting my son to end up like me is to do with the fact I've had a severe mental breakdown and not really recovered from it. Not to mention I'd rather he wasn't financially dependent on others when he's older. Very much doubt my parents envy me in anyway, though I don't suppose they are particularly happy people.

Well, son is back to school (no fuss which was nice) and wife has gone back to the office. She had Christmas off and most of the two weeks before she was working from home because I wasn't well. Rather missing wife and son. This year will be our 10th wedding anniversary and I've realised whilst we do have our ups and downs, things are a lot better when I'm putting the effort in and not blaming or accusing her of things. One of my 40 things (getting there slowly) is to make an effort to take son to see his maternal grandparents during each school holiday.

So, this morning I have mainly been ... spreadsheet fiddling. :eek: This may have been for music teaching but I'm actually quite pleased with myself. Who knows you may see a real MSE'er made out of me, yet.

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Ohhh this! All of this!

Am glad you are finding things you like about your house - and also about Mrs K's coffee money

Hurrah for 2016

HBS x

Thanks, I'm going to try to have a positive year.

turtlemoose

AlexLK wrote: »

This year will be our 10th wedding anniversary and I've realised whilst we do have our ups and downs, things are a lot better when I'm putting the effort in and not blaming or accusing her of things. One of my 40 things (getting there slowly) is to make an effort to take son to see his maternal grandparents during each school holiday.

I'm glad to read this, best thing I've seen in your diary for a while.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

and the past is all he seems to talk about.

I had an idea about this. One of my own plans for 2016 is to do something about all the family photographs I have accumulated/inherited. I'm the eldest of my siblings and realise that if I don't document something alongside them then no one will know who's in the photos and what the family events were in them. I was wondering whether, as you write so well, whether instead of just making duty visits to your father you could see it as a project. Perhaps start documenting what he's telling you. So a bit of genealogy but more a social history for your son when he's older. Just a thought.

AlexLK wrote: »

One of my 40 things (getting there slowly) is to make an effort to take son to see his maternal grandparents during each school holiday.

That's an excellent idea. Not sure how far away they live but would it be possible to pop in after school sometimes. That might seem a bit more normal than making it a special event.


Any plans how to celebrate your 10th Anniversary?