The Birds and the Bees...

lulu_92

jaydeeuk1 wrote: »

My 3 year old daughter (she was 2 at the time) knows how a baby grows in mummys tummy and it got there because mummy and daddy love each other. I think emphasising the love part is really important rather than just the mechanics.

She was really excited feeling the baby over the weeks and months and has a really close bond. She's the sort of child who will ask questions and needs to know how everything works, and likes it how we're honest with her.


She also knows know it comes out as we had a home birth that was incredibly quick (under an hour from 5 min contractions to baby in arms) and she happened to wonder in to the room at the action end just as baby head appearing (Neither midwives nor MiL had turned up by that point so I was midwife and couldn't do much to keep her out! She had been downstairs playing but came up to see what was happening). We were worried she would be traumatised or something but she was absolutely fine, and afterwards asked questions which we answered honestly and was quite fascinated with the whole thing. I think the fact she knows we'll answer her questions honestly lets her trust us even more, and that there is nothing she should be embarrassed about asking.

Well that's one way for kids to find out!

I don't want anyone thinking that I think we shouldn't be teaching our kids that babies are made out of love, but I think maybe a bit more than "mummy and daddy made a baby because we love each other" - that may satisfy the initial curiosity but you might as well tell them the mechanics (albeit without the graphics, of course) to save from further potentially embarrassing questions.

I remember telling my mum that I was thinking about sleeping with my boyfriend at the time. I was 14, nearly 15. She told me that I should wait until I was 18, like she did. Part of the reason she gave me was that if I ever had kids and they had the same thoughts at that age I could have reservations about it without being a hypocrite.

That was pretty much the only discussion we've ever had about sex.

neneromanova

I don't mind telling her, I don't get embarrassed about those kind of things, it was more the how in depth do I go with details. One talk I'm not looking forward to is telling her about her biological father. But that's a whole other thread. :rotfl:

Violetta_2

I must confess that I find it all a bit scary I'm thinking I'll wait until my dd is a bit older 25 should be about right:laugh::laugh: I will check out the book's recommended I think that's probably a good way to open up dialogue. My oh was told the fact's at the age of 7 and from that age it was kind of drilled into him that he could get a girl pregnant I feel that was too young.

mollsnan

I'm 60 and swore none of my children (2 boys + 1 girl) would be left in the position I was left. Aged 11yrs old I had an interview for the Grammer School, and remember Mum being given a little book for me to read, "My Dear Daughter" I think it was. Well as soon as we got home it went in the fire! Apparently it was about "The Facts of Life" of which I was left in ignorant bliss! Asked by a group of friends if I knew what a "period" was, I having just passed the 11 plus answered "A full stop, or a length of time". Imagine the great amusement that caused! I decided my lot would get a straight answer to any questions, age appropriate, just a basic answer and if they wanted more info they would come back. It pretty much worked ok, the two boys were quite open, but my daughter just did not want to know much at all. Prior to The Big school talk in primary school yr 5, I tried to prepare her by explaining about Periods. Did not want to know, looked at me in disbelief and asked if boys got them too. When told No, she was adamant that then she wasn't having them. Strategy No 2, Osborne book, left it on her bed, thinking curiousity would get the better of her. It was left on her brothers beds, much to their great amusement! The school talk must have been quite informative, she is certainly well informed now!

anotheruser

However it's important that you're answering the question.

Don't answer it in the hope that the child will simply lose interest! If they want to have a long drawn out conversation about it, then good for them trying to learn more about life.

Trying to learn more should be encouraged, not "I hope they don't embarrass me!".

gayleygoo

I must admit I was quite old by the time I really knew what various words like "virgin" etc were (maybe 15?!) - no one told me, I was too embarrassed to admit to friends I didn't know, and while I knew roughly the mechanics of making a baby, it was the lingo that has me confused! In those days it didn't even occur to me to find out such things on the internet either.

My mum did have some sort of talk with me when I was about 12 or so, but it was mostly about periods (which had been covered in school at least a year before), and not letting people touch me if I didn't want them to. I was still in the "why would I want anyone to touch me there?" stage and the actual act of sex was never mentioned.

I think the "facts of life" cover so many topics (anatomy, sexual acts, bodily changes, emotions, sexuality, consent, contraception and much more) that it's not going to be practical to dish it all out in one conversation, and probably quite useless if it's first mentioned at puberty.

Different topic entirely, but our school did "drugs education" classes when we were in year 12 :rotfl: Sorry, but that was definitely a bit late!

moomoomama27

I recently worked in a year 5 class where the children were 9/10 and I was so shocked that a large percentage of girls didn't know what a period was or the basic functions of their bodies! I found this shocking and scary as they are at the ages where it could happen.

It's nothing to do with embarrassment, it's not embarrassing if you don't leave it too late! It's also not a schools job to educate children about this, it should be more of a reinforcement of knowledge.

Guest101

moomoomama27 wrote: »

I recently worked in a year 5 class where the children were 9/10 and I was so shocked that a large percentage of girls didn't know what a period was or the basic functions of their bodies! I found this shocking and scary as they are at the ages where it could happen.

It's nothing to do with embarrassment, it's not embarrassing if you don't leave it too late! It's also not a schools job to educate children about this, it should be more of a reinforcement of knowledge.

So the school can teach everything else, but not sex? Ridiculous.

moomoomama27

Guest101 wrote: »

So the school can teach everything else, but not sex? Ridiculous.

No, if you read my post properly then you would have seen the point I was making was that the schools part in sex education should be a reinforcement of knowledge that parents have already discussed with their own children. Rather than expecting the schools alone to teach it, as to be honest the cirriculum does co Dr the basics, there's not a lot time spent on it (3 hours maximum compulsory time) and that's for the older primary schoolers.

[Deleted User]

I'm 40 and I didn't know anything about sex or periods in Primary school. It wasn't until we had the talk in Y6 that I learnt a few things, but even then my knowledge wasn't complete until Y7. I felt very niaeve.


My son is 8 and in Y3 and my daughter is 7 in Y2. I am aware my son is starting to become aware of of things he perceives are grown up (probably due to being in the KS2 playground). He's not asked me directly any questions, but when playing scrabble recently he made S-E-X and was giggling. I asked him if he knew what it meant, he replied no, I asked him if he would like me to explain as he looked awkward, he said no and changed the subject. So I said no more. I didn't want to push him. However I feel I need to talk to him, not in a big deal way, but I wish he would ask me questions. However I am unsure how much information to give and what is age appropriate! (How do you know?)


I am looking at getting the Lets talk about sex book, but its currently out of stock on the book people. I went to the library today to see what they have for his age, nothing. Maybe everyone else in our town is starting to think about it.


Edited to say I was looking at the wrong page, just managed to order an up to date copy. Thanks for recommending.